The journey between here and there

We went surfing today… I’m a freakn’ NATURAL…. I got up 8 times on the board! I only fell of 4 times. Ryan I think got up on his board once… hahahaha… I rawk… seriously I’m awesome!… not to brag, but I’m really good at surfing.

Got a little sunburned on my legs today… put sunscreen everywhere except my legs… duh, I’m such a goof. Great. So it hurts to sit cuz I was laying on a board all day long and my backside kills.

Yesterday we went to the international market place. I finally got a lei!!! They smell amazing. We bought some souvenirs for the kids. I bought a beach bag because it’s the only way I can get Ryan to carry my purse. We had lunch at a place called Duke’s. It’s really good. There were pigeons everywhere.. how funny is that! We booked our polynesian cultural centre tour, booked the lotus, booked scuba diving, went to beach and swam a bit, watched the sunset, finished the day off with my fav. Starbucks.

We wandered around yesterday and just hung out. Nothing major,but it was nice just to relax and just be.

Today, surfing and sunset cruise.
Tomorrow Diamond Head Hike, Tuesday and Wednesday Scuba diving.
Thursday polynesian cultural centre
Friday Hawaiian Food Tour
Sat: Pear Harbor, snorkeling in Hanuma bay.
Sun. I’m hoping to go parasailing or in a glider plane or both
Monday, surfing and home.

It’s been very relaxing and I’m having a blast…

Having a great time. After the whole Our hotel is ok… still miffed over the price I had to pay over this hotel. Still don’t think that it is worth the $1500 I paid when I could have gotten another hotel with the same star rating, more free stuff for $1000. Booked through hotwire… and I don’t think I’m going to do that again, because I can’t change it. I’m still miffed that I have to pay $1 whenever I want to make a call. Sheesh. They put us at the very, very top floor and it’s nice. Not a 4 star, it’s a 3 star but we are beside the Sheraton hotel. I’ll live…

LOL… I’m in the apple store lovin’ this new laptop!!! So fabulous! I’m going to buy one I think.

Went to Danaku restaurant… had THE best food! Amazing… never had such amazing food! Spicy duck salad, sushi and tempura brownie…. flavors just made my mouth go ohh laa laa!!

We’ve booked scuba lessons! We are getting certified out here! We are doing surfing lessons and we are renting a lotus car to drive!!! So much fun! This is a huge city. I think I imagined just beaches and palm tress, but there are a lot of people here and it’s like I’m in a downtown city… but better.

We watched this parade this morning… Calgary stampede parade is waaaay better, but hey I loved it cuz it was free and I like watching marching bands.

We are off to explore the island of Waikiki…

Mothernature is totally going through PMS. Our weather this year is totally screwy. It going to snow on Saturday… Ya… snow. In June… although I guess it’s snowed in July before so I shouldn’t be surprised. ;(

I’m so sick of yucky weather. I was lovin’ the +23, +25 we were having. I just love going out, facing the sun and standing in it with my eyes closed letting the sun bask all around me, warming me with its rays. In the morning I get up, open the door to the deck and curl up on a chair drinking my orange juice, listening to the morning sounds….. of freakn’ TRAFFIC…. Grrrr…. I need to move. I hate living behind this busy road. It blows goats. This summer I’m hitting a beach or a lake and I’m going to just sit on the sand or grass listening to the waves lap up on shore.

So I’m going…. I think… I keep changing my mind back and forth constantly…. I’m farming out the kids to friends and relatives and I’ve got my money to go, but the ball and chain is guilting me to stay. I’m pissed. He always ruins things for me. Instead of being excited with me and helping me plan stuff out, everything is always left up to me to plan everything. It drives me nuts. I really want input, but he just doesn’t care. He just goes along for the ride and shows up expecting me to take care of all the details. Seriously, it’s frustrating and pisses me off… I’m so stressed, my hair is turning white from the tips to roots again cuz I’ve got so much stress built up inside of me. *ugh*

This is what chaps my butt…. last year when I was booking these tickets, I asked for input as to when he wanted to go. He didn’t care. So I went ahead and decided to go on a solo trip to Hawaii in June and take him to go to NY in September. I picked June cuz the kids would be still in school and it would be before summer so it wouldn’t interfere with any camping plans and whoever watched the kids could watch them without having to have them around 24/7 cuz they would be in school. I also wanted to do a solo trip there. It seems like a place you can do lots of adrenaline junkie stuff and I am all over that. So then in Feb, the ball and chain get into a big scrap and he wants to come along with me. He thinks I’m off to have some sort of sordid affair with some hot Hawaiian… HA! Stupid, but whatever. The only affair I’d have is with Tom Welling, cuz he’s my sexception. Anyway, so then he convinces me to let him come by telling me he’s going to pay for the entire trip if I let him. He’s speaking my language of money so I say ok.

Now that June is upon us, he’s find every excuse in the book NOT to go. So I just told him he doesn’t have to come, I’ll cancel his ticket and I’ll go by myself. I’m ok to do that. In fact that’s an adventure I want…. so then he sees how hell bent on going I am and he then says he’s coming. Drives me nuts. In the mean time though he’s playing his stupid passive aggressive crap and being manipulative by listing all the reasons why we shouldn’t go and making me feel guilty.

Like:
1. Luke will have a hard time with us gone. We’ve never been away from the kids for 10 days before.
2. Who’s going to watch the kids - - I already solved this one. I’ve split my kids up and farmed them out.
3. It’s his busy season and he really can’t take time off from work because they need him.- I asked him in the beginning when I was booking the tickets… I can’t switch them because flights are too expensive now.
4. He wants to put our trips to NY and Hawaii towards Disneyland for Christmas.
5. He doesn’t think we should travel without the kids.
6. We’d miss the annual parade in the town and the meat sale we always go to.

I’m so frustrated. Thankfully, my friend Shauna is telling me not to listen to him and tell me that if I don’t go, she’ll kick my arse. So I’m going to go…. cuz she’d really do it and I’d never hear the end of it from her… hehe…

Thank goodness for her. We are so much alike in our personalities, yet different in some ways that we get along great. I convinced her not to marry her loser fiance who is just using her for $$$ and he was too much like Ryan. I told her not to waste her time cuz she would just be miserable for the rest of her life and if he’s not making her happy NOW, he definitely not going to make her happy when they are married. It just gets worse because guys think they don’t have to try anymore after they get married.

“Do you want to be miserable like me? ” I asked her? “NO!” I answered for her. I told her that it would be the hardest thing to do, but that I’m saving her from divorce #2. He’s not her match. I told her that the day I got married I didn’t want to get married and I felt this sense of dread and doom on my wedding day… MY WEDDING DAY…. suppose to be the happiest time of my life and I felt like I was going to my death. May sound dramatic, but that’s how I felt. Now she’s feeling dread as well… and if she feels dread BEFORE the marriage, it is just not meant to be. So after spending the evening convincing her out of this relationship, she saw the vision and has given him the boot. I just understood everything she was going through and how she was feeling. Thankfully, she had someone to give her a shake and not let her go through with it. I didn’t have that someone to talk some sense into me. I wish I did. Ah well….. Now I’m just ranting.

I had a crazy dream last night that I was married to someone else. Ryan had died and I was with someone else. I saw his face. He was so freakn’ cute. I didn’t know his name, but I just remember feeling so happy and free. I still had all the kids and he was a great guy to the kids. He looked like a football player, wide chest, big arms. He wrapped his arms around me and I just felt so much love for him. Weird, cuz I really keep my emotions close to me. We were laughing. Over what, I don’t remember. Just that I was blissfully happy at that moment. It’s nutty what your brain thinks up, huh…. Whatever… just a stupid dream.

I’m also frustrated cuz I haven’t ridden my bike lots in the past few days. It’s been so nice, but I’ve been so busy, doing laundry, cleaning up, packing and trying to get ready for Hawaii so it’s not just a last minute pack like I did to Vegas where I just threw everything in a suitcase because I didn’t have time to plan it all out. I need to pack all 5 kids and the dog for 10 days at someone else’s house. Yikes. I feel stress just thinking about it. It’s all good. Things will work out…

Brief tales of Luke… my 2 1/2 year old… patience is a virtue, although I understand why animals eat their young.

1. Climbing onto the roof
2. Poo - everywhere… in the bathroom, the carpet, the halls.
3. Diaper off every hour. Racing around naked constantly
4. Turning the bath water on to hot.
5. empty entire jug of water on kitchen floor.
6. Thin mist of Pam spray everywhere
7. Luke took off 3 times down the road. Fireman brought him back 2x. Neighbor lady said he was playing at the park and brought him back.
8. Dumped 3 jugs of 11L of water on the floor.
9. Permanent marker on the walls and hardwood floors
10. waffle batter mix on the kitten, himself and the deck
11. entire roll of toilet paper all over the bathroom floor and in the toilet.
12. running downstairs naked just as people are at my door.
13. Spilling the entire contents of a full tub onto the bathroom floor.
14. making the tub into a slip n’ slide using all the shampoo in the bathroom.
15. tormenting the puppy, kitten and cat
16. throwing toys, books and everything all over the house…. basically destroying the house every chance he gets.

I’ve put Josh in football, hoping to get him loving a sport, build his self esteem and toughen him up a bit. It’s been up and down. One minute he’s loving it, the next he’s not. He’s very, very fast. He’s one of the quickest kids out there on the field. They were doing time trials on sprints and line work and he got the fastest times.

He’s also one of the smallest. He hates being tackled. Which I told him if he doesn’t want to get tackled, then he needs to run fast and avoid the other players so he can make a touchdown at the end of the field. Although yesterday he recovered a fumble and got dog piled on. He didn’t mind it he said later. LOL…

He’s a great kid, so sensitive, very funny and so sweet. Maybe I’m just a softy, but when he cries I just feel so freakn’ bad cuz there’s nothing I can do to protect his feelings except to give him a hug, tell him I love him and that he’s a great kid.

He really wants to go into baseball so I’m going to find him a baseball camp he can go into in the summer. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have so many kids so I could really focus all my energies on 1 or 2 kids at a time. It costs so much money to put 5 kids into sports and various activities….

That is the state of my mind constantly. I at least know why… I got an ADD magazine and it’s so great knowing that I’m not the only one who is a little chaotic in the brain. The magazine is called “ADDITUDE”. It’s such a great magazine. Only 4 issues a year for $20 but when I opened it, all the articles were like meant for me. Like, how to be more organized, pay attention tips, what kind of purse to have, if you should tell your boss you have ADD, hyper focusing, etc. It was just jam packed full of stuff that I wonder and question as well. I just loved it.

Heh. I have a bunch of posts that are 1/2 started, but not finished. I’m so busy, but have no time to really write anything. So I’m going to try to do mini posts each day. TRY being the operative word here.

Mildred, the church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business… Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities , but feared her Enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank ,a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing..

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house, walked home……and left it there all night !!!

(You gotta love Frank !)

These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

This video is so touching and just incredible. Even after people mocked her she puts forth a show stopping performance with her amazing voice and wins over the crowd and judges. Truly inspiring. Never stop dreaming. Never stop trying to live your dream. Dreams do come true with hard work and effort. Everyone just needs a chance.

Watch it. It’s fun and full of spunk. She’s my new hero.

Some fabulous eye candy that I’d love to nibble on.

Indy after Indiana Jones and the Indy 500.

We got a purebred Golden Retriever Puppy. It’s from the show line so they are calm and not psycho like the field GR. He is absolutely beautiful and I just adore him. I’ve loved GR my entire life. I grew up with one and when it was taken away from me so tragically I vowed that one day I would have another one. He’s such a good puppy and I love him to bits. I spoil him rotten and he is so well behaved. Look at that face. It’s just sooooooo cute!

I can’t wait to be able to go out and take him with me on my runs in the morning.

I wanted to get Laura a kitten and a puppy for her birthday on March 18. I managed to get a pregnant cat, whoo hoo! Who gave birth to 5 kittens on March 20, 2009.

On Laura’s birthday, Ryan and I packed up the kids drove out to Airdrie to pick up a kennel. When we were loading the kennel into the Sequoia Mya looks at it and says, “What’s that for?”

“It’s your new bed. What do you think?” I said with a grin on my face teasing her.

She began to pout. “But I don’t want to sleep in there! I don’t want that bed.”

“Ok, then who should we use it for?” I asked her.

Without hesitating she says, “Brandon.” Then giggles in her evil way. HA! I roared laughing.

“Ok, then it is for Brandon. Sit down and wipe away your tears.” She was very happy that Brandon was going to be locked up in the kennel. Those 2 have such a feud going on between the 2 of them.

After blowing off all the questions from the kids as to what it was for we continued our drive out to Bowden and went to a farm. When we entered their small trailer I said to Laura, “ok, see all these 6 puppies? Well, for your second gift for your birthday, you get to pick any puppy you want.”

The look on her face was just priceless. She didn’t believe me at first.

“Really? Ya, right.” She scoffed at me.

“No really. Let’s ask daddy.”

So we went over to Ryan and asked, “Can Laura have any puppy she wants?”

“Yep, Happy Birthday sweetie!” He gave her a huge grin.

She instantly got tears in her eyes and her face crumpled in surprise, shock and happiness.

It was the best reaction ever. We played with all the pups for an hour and finally she chose this one. He was very calm and relaxed… we really need that in our family.

So we paid $350, got all his papers, and loaded him up for the trip home. I held him in my arms and snuggled him the whole way home. I just adore that puppy.

He’s such a good dog. Very smart, listens well and is so, so uber cute.

We now have 5 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat and 5 kittens. Oh happy day! We are now officially a zoo!

Mya’s eyes grow big as a saucer and her face instantly clouds.

“Mom! Brandon took my fork! Give me back my fork you steeler! Mom, Brandon is a steeler!” She shrieks.

“Brandon give Mya’s fork back.”

Brandon just shrugs and tosses the fork at Mya.

“Brandon also took my chair!” She wails.

“Mya, just go get another chair,” I sigh.

Her mouth forms an o and she looks at me in disgust. “AH!” She humph’s and stares at me, then turns to glare at Brandon as she storms off to get her chair.

Laura and I just crack up laughing. Mya is just such a character.

*************
Mya comes bounding up to me.

“Mom, I’ve got something for you!” She pipes up.

“What is it?” I ask her wearily.

She then throws her arms around me and simply says, “A hug.”

She seems to do this when she knows that I’m grumpy and just sitting there sullenly. She’s so sweet.

*****************

I’ve never had an operation before, never taken drugs, never been drunk or smoked in my entire life. I’ve never been under a general anesthetic before and boy, what a crazy trip it is. I came out of the operation fine, but my body was like a rag doll. My head was rolling about, I was slurring my words, mumbling and talking really quiet. Normally it only takes the "normal" person a couple of hours to come out of an operation under a general, but not me. It took me a good 6 hours. The doctor was quite worried and the nurse called me "weird." 

 Phft… nice. I KNOW I’m weird. I’ve had 5 kids, no stretch marks and my body zaps down to the way it looked in high school. My body is weird. I now know that drugs affect my body really crazy like. It just puts me right out. Ryan loves the T3’s. I think he’s going to give some to me every night just to calm me down and make me sleep. He gave me 2 T3’s and I’m instantly out within 2 min and I sleep for 6 hours. I don’t remember anything, I just zonk out. Every now and then I try to wake myself up, but my body is so heavily drugged I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. Everything is hazy for 2 days as Ryan religiously follows the prescribed doctors orders on how much drugs to keep me on. 

I go see the Doctor again for a check up and I’m still a rag doll. The doc is still very worried and tells Ryan to only give me one T3 because he can’t even get a proper response out of me. The surgery went well and everything will be fine.

I must sound different on the phone as well because everyone I talked to was asking me if I was ok, what the matter was and if I was just in surgery. Huh? How did they know? I would just blow it off and try to get my regular voice back, but I guess my loud, obnoxious, crazy voice wouldn’t appear. Instead it was a sedated, quiet, small voice. Whatever. I’ve stopped talking to people on the phone, I hate the nagging questions. I know people are just concerned, but I’ll be fine. I’m superwoman, nothing can hold me down.

Ryan has been getting the house in ship shape, making the kids work like it was a work factory… all work, no play. The house looks great and I just sleep. I have waking moments, but mostly I’m in a fog. I wish I can hurry up and recover already. I hate being sick and I hate having to slow down. I wish my body would hurry up already.  I’m itching to ride my bike. It’s all paid for and it’s just sitting at the dealers. I figure I’ll let it sit there instead of having to pay insurance on it for a month that I don’t drive it. I’ll hopefully pick it up by Mother’s Day.  

In the mean time I exist on smoothies and T3’s until my body heals itself. I’m rather annoyed I didn’t have a near death experience. I was kind of hoping I would die and they would bring me back, give me a quick peek into the other side…. but alas, no… I’m sure the doctors thought I was very odd as that was one of the questions that came out of my mouth as there were trying to wake me up…

"Did I die on the operating table?"

"No" 

"Hmph… too bad. How did it go? Everything go ok? You didn’t have to bring me back to life?" 

"Everything went very well and no we didn’t have to bring you back to life."

I think I must have asked that question 5 times as I was trying to wake up.

My response each time was, "oh…. too bad."

As I was heading into surgery I was pissed at Ryan because he made me late. He insisted on going to the gym in the morning and I told him he didn’t have time. We were 30 min. late. I was furious because he didn’t listen to me. I hissed at him as they lead me away, "if I see the light, I’m heading towards it and I’m NOT coming BACK!!!! You’re on your own!" I growled.

LOL… nice. Nice way to say goodbye to someone. Sheesh, I’m such a freakn’ nut. I don’t know why he puts up with me at times. 

Unfortunately or Fortunately… depending on how you look at it, I didn’t die. I guess it’s just not my time yet. One day it will be. Hopefully, I’ll be a bit nicer on my way out. 

Mya: Josh it is inappropriate to eat with your fingers.

 *******

Mya: Mom, I’ve decided to change my name.

Me: Oh ya?

Mya: Yep

Me: What’ your new name?

Mya: Raven

Me: Raven huh?  (I’m trying so hard not to laugh.) ok Raven. How are you Raven? What’s shaking Raven? What’s new in the zoo Raven? What are you up to Raven?

Mya: Mom, quit making fun of my new name. 

 ******

I really don’t like Superman Returns the movie, because I think the writers and director really screwed up what could have been fantastic. Stupid story line…. Superman knocks up Lois Lane? Really? So dumb… Lois was horrible. She sucked raw eggs. The Supes they choose was even worse. Tom Welling is my only superman and I can only see him playing the role. The only good thing about that show was Lex Luthor played by Kevin Spacey. That man is a genius! Loved his performance. 

Anyway, Ryan bought the movie to play while driving and because he’s on this, "I’m gonna buy any stupid movie" kick right now. So the kids are watching the show and every single time Superman comes into view Luke, the 2 1/2 year old screams out, "YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Superman!!!!!! YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Superman!!!" And he screams and giggles and claps. It just makes that movie bearable. We all just laugh at his reaction to seeing Superman come on screen.  

Really truly, that’s how I feel when Tom Welling appears on screen in Smallville. "Yeaaaahhh!!!! Tom!!!"

***********

Anytime I am not feeling good or if I’m grumpy, Josh will always come up to me and give me a hug. He is such a sweet boy. He is my most sensitive child and I just adore him.

**********

My kids have said so many other things that have cracked me up, but unfortunately I didn’t write them down fast enough and my brain is getting Alzheimer’s really bad. 

Teardrops on my guitar by Taylor Swift.

1. I’m not a peace maker…. I’m a chaos maker. I’m all about making love AND war.

2. My favorite colors are red, black and white.

3. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new shiny red Kawasaki Ninja 250R motorcycle and my Dainese outfit. I can’t wait to ride that gorgeous machine! Spring can’t get here soon enough for me.

4. When I was 1 1/2 I so badly wanted a horse. I used my German Sheppard dog, “Jumbo” as my horse. He didn’t like playing horsey with me. I thought he was a magnificent horse cuz he was so big compared to me. To finally get through to me that he didn’t like to play this game with me, he bit me on my face and just missed my eye by millimeters. I got 30 stitches on the side of my left temple, but I got ice cream after. Whoo hoo! When we got back to the farm, my dad shot the dog in front of me. Not so whoo hoo. To this day, I can still close my eyes and see every moment happen in full color from beginning to end.

5. I think all roads are my personal race track and I always ‘race’ against other vehicles whether they are aware of it or not.

6. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to puddle splash in any vehicle. My goal is to try to go over a puddle fast enough so the wave goes right over my van. I’m very accomplished at this.

7. There are ’some’ people who refuse to drive with me…. although I don’t know why. I think I’m a great driver… obviously they don’t like seeing their life flash before their eyes… whatever.

8. I have foot in mouth syndrome and a bad case of verbal diarrhea. I’m very blunt and lots of people can’t handle the stuff that spews from my mouth. I am working on this. If I just stare at you without saying anything, it’s because I’m trying to stop myself from saying something that will make you curl up in fetus position and cry.

9. My goal is to travel to every single country in my lifetime at least once. Then to travel to all the various regions in each country as well.

10. Things I want to do in the next 2 years: drive a team of sled dogs (preferably in Alaska, but Banff will do), go ice climbing, go para sailing in Hawaii, go see a volcano, go underwater diving and explore the underwater world, go hang gliding again, go para gliding, go 4x4ing, ride in a helicopter, go in a aerobatic glider, go deep sea fishing, go in a shark cage, do indoor skydiving, feed crocodiles, swim with dolphins, go to a Broadway play in NY, kayak in the ocean, repel down a waterfall, go Zorbing in New Zealand, go to Disney World, go Mountain biking down Mount 7, go to a shooting range, play outdoor paintball, race motorcycles, go see a Grand Prix race, go watch a Moto GP race, try river surfing, fly in a jet plane, etc.

11. Things I want to do in the next 5 years: buy a snowmobile, buy a dirt bike, go to a play in London, go to the Sydney Opera house, go to Europe and Australia.

12. I am very impatient and hate waiting… but I am always late and people are usually always waiting for me.

13. I am an adrenaline junkie. Anything that has warnings about something that can kill me or severely injure me, I’m sooooo excited to try it! My new moto is: It’s not worth doing, if you’re not completely stressed out about it.

14. I hate having my hair pulled. I have a low pain tolerance.

15. I am a hypochondriac. If I watch the news and they talk about a disease, I’m always sure I have it. I do however, resist the temptation to book an appointment with my doctor… I just google it and stress over it for a week. I just don’t watch the news anymore.

16. I am claustrophobic in water. Especially the ocean. I can swim, I just don’t like it when I can’t touch the bottom. I have to concentrate and focus really hard to calm myself down and not spaz out in the water when I am too deep. I blame friends who always felt the need to dunk me in the pool as a kid…. that and I hate eels, snakes and reptiles.

17. I want to be Darth Vader, but I’m kinda glad I’m not cuz I probably would have killed or injured everyone I know at one point or another. Yes, I have dark, evil thoughts.

18. When I was little I always wanted to be a police officer because I wanted to pack a gun, shoot things and drive like a lunatic in my car. Then I got my car and realized I could drive like a lunatic and do crazy turns in my car without having to be a cop. I also played paintball and realized I could shoot people without having them die on me and having to fill out mounds of paper work about it…. So now I’ve curbed the desire to be a cop.

19. I’m half Filipino and half German. I can only speak English and a little French. My dad was 63 when he conceived me. My mom was 27. I have a step brother who is older than my mom… by 5 years. I have 2 brothers who are my actually my cousins.

20. I’m ADD and I’m a manic depressive. I only realized that I was ADD in 2008 when someone asked me if I was. So I googled it. It listed 18 symptoms, I was all 18. I do wish someone would have informed me of this sooner.

21. I love going to art galleries and looking at any kind of art. I like looking at art that’s all crazy looking, I don’t know what they call it, but the stuff where they splatter paint on a canvas and make some ridiculous story about uniting a country or some mumbo jumbo and some retard buys into it and pays a stupid amount of money for paint splatter…. makes me want to be an artist and find a retard. I hear the Canadian gov. is full of them since they bought one of those paintings.

22. I want to fly. I want to get my pilots license and one day I want to fly my own plane. I want to do acrobatics and swoops in the air.

23. When I was a teenager I shot myself in the hand with a BB gun because I wanted to know how it would feel to get shot…. yep, it hurts.

24. I get sick once or twice a year and it’s usually in December because I hate Christmas so much. I blame the wise men for the ridiculous tradition of gift giving. I also blame commercialism and advertising. Out of all the holidays in the year, I hate Valentines day and my birthday. I hate Christmas the most.

25. I will publish the kids book I’ve written once I find an illustrator and figure out how to go about publishing something like that.

I think Taylor Swift is just gorgeous and a great song writer. I really like, “Love Story.”

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear From the female side.
‘ the rules’
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are the male rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1 ‘
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

From: Men all over the world.

*******************
Hilarious! I loved these! I think this is so true.

The alarm screeched at me way too early on Thursday morning at 5:30am. I instantly sprang out of bed, because despite the fact that I didn’t crawl into bed until 12:30am, my adrenaline kicked up and I was flying around getting ready for a fabulous day of fun!

My daughter’s Grade 5 class was going to skiing. I wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to snowboard. I signed up for group and private lessons, I am determined to learn this sport if it kills me. We had to be at the school at 6:20am. We arrived at 6:18am. I was so freakn’ proud of myself that I was on time for once in my life.

I boarded the bus happily because I knew I could sleep on the way down. My body was protesting and grumbling because I had gotten so little sleep. I sat down beside a lady who used to be my friend until I pissed her off and hurt her feelings over something I said. Since she has never told me exactly what I said or did that pissed me off and she is civil with me but refuses to be my close friend. I did offer a blanket apology over hurting her feelings, but if she’s going to act all stupid like women do and not tell me exactly what I did, it’s kinda hard to be more specific on my apology.

I really hate women. They suck. I don’t get along with the majority of them because they are so freakn’ sensitive. May seem bitchy, but I don’t have time for people who take offense at the stupid things I say or do. I’m very upfront and blunt with people if they annoy me or piss me off. She had done both so I told her to not act like a child and not ruin my party. I suppose I should have handled the situation better, but I’ve cut ties with anyone who can’t talk to me like an adult. I refuse to walk on egg shells around anyone, if anyone has a problem with my behavior, frankly I don’t give a damn. They either learn to adjust to my craziness or they stop being my friend.

So after a superficial conversation with her, I was falling asleep listening to her babble. I was only half listening and my ‘uh huh’s’ were starting to drawl. I cuddled into my blanket, put my knees on the seat in front of me and fell asleep. I was sitting on the outside and did not have a very restful sleep nor did I fall asleep into a deep sleep. Just one of those annoying light ones.

We arrived at the hill, I helped Laura get all her gear and made sure she made it to her lessons. I reminded her to have fun. Ryan bribed her and gave her $50 to go skiing. Ridiculous, but it worked, she was there. I was really hoping that the day would be great for her, she’d learn more and enjoy herself.

The day was beautiful. The mountains were all around us and the weather was very nice. I had dressed in 5 layers, expecting it to be -13C, but surprisingly it felt like +2C. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds and stayed around for the entire day.

My group lesson sucked. I didn’t learn anything new until the last run down. He was teaching us how to link our turns. We practiced it once, then the lesson was over. So stupid. We spent most of the time waiting to go on the magic carpet. We did a total of 5 runs down the little bunny hill. I was so pissed. If I would have known it would suck rotten eggs that badly I would have just gotten myself private lessons for the morning as well.

Grumbly over the fact that I didn’t learn anything new I went to grab something to eat from the cafeteria. After paying way to much for a gross turkey sandwich ($11) and m&m’s I sat by a couple other friends who were parent supervisors as well. I sat with them instead of the lady I sat with on the bus cuz I knew I could talk trash with them and they would laugh at my sarcasm. After eating 1/2 of the revolting sandwich that tasted like cardboard I chased it down with lots of water and got all my stuff ready to go out on the hill again. They invited the lady over after a few stares from her to our table. They didn’t like her all that much either, but they felt the need to include her. How nice. I was off to snowboard so I didn’t care what they did. As she comes over she shoots me a dirty look. Good frackn’ grief. I really hate immature women. Psycho, is all I could think as I tossed on my helmet and quickly retreated outside.

I stuck to the green circles because I still hadn’t figured out how to link my turns… let alone turn where I wanted to go. I could go down the hill, but just on the heel or toe edge.

I boarded for an hour, falling on my arse at least 2 times down the hill each time I went down. At 1pm I sauntered over to the private lesson area, met my instructor and we were off to the hill I was going down. Horray, no bunny hill for me now!

He was from New Zealand and just so uber nice. Patience of Job that guy. He was an amazing snowboarder. He would hold my hands as I was going down backwards on the hill and he talk me through turns. He had to catch me a few times. He was really supportive, encouraging and so nice. I would be killing myself laughing everytime I kissed it. He would come over all worried and concerned I was hurt. It amused me greatly. I was always fine each time. I was learning so much and he was helping me improve very quickly.

The funniest part of the day was when we were coming down the hill and there’s a part where there’s a sharp 90 degree corner with a wood fence that blocks it off so you don’t go crashing down to the trail down below. HA! Well, I come flying down the hill and head straight for the wood. I was trying so hard to turn my knee, my body and my head to look at the opposite direction I was heading, but to no avail. I couldn’t turn. I smoked into the fence. There were wide slots in the fence and I tried to grab onto the fence to stop myself from going through, but my board kept going so I just let go and just went from the fence to the other trail on the other side. Everyone on the chair lift was howling with laughter over the antics they just witnessed. I just fell on my butt to stop my decent any further. I stood up, turned to the people on the chair lift and flexed my muscles at them grinning and laughing. I bowed. I was so proud of my stunt.

My instructor follows me thorugh the fence and his face is full of concern. After a flood of ‘Are you ok? Are you hurt?”, he relaxes a bit.

“Geez, I thought I had to call ski patrol up here to take you down the hill cuz one of my students hurt themselves. I’m glad you’re ok.” He sighs in relief.

I’m howling with laughter over my stupidness. After reassuring him a bunch more times that nothing was broken and I was fine, I ask him what I did wrong. He explains what I did. He explains what I need to do and then he grabs my hands to make sure I don’t go flying into the trees right beside us as we make our way down the hill. When he let go, I flew down the hill and made 3 perfect links until I came to a controlled stop where he told me to. I was so proud of myself. After that I was going down the hill linking my turns. He was overjoyed over my progress and so was I.

I’m never, ever going to do group lessons ever again. Private lessons are the only way to go and I don’t care how much it costs, I’m always doing private lessons no matter what I decide to learn. I just absorbed everything he said. When I crashed I would ask him what I did wrong. He was very patient and would explain what I did, why I crashed and how to avoid making the same mistake next time. The lesson lasted for 1 1/2 and it seemed to fly by. After the lesson I had only 30 min before I had to head back to the lodge and back to the bus.

On the bus I managed to score 2 seats all to myself. I was exhausted. I curled up on the two seats, snuggled into my blanket and was out like a light in 5 seconds. I awoke once we got back to school.

Fabulous. Just a fabulous day! I asked Laura if she had fun skiing with her friends. She said yes, but then began to down play it once I asked her to come to Sunshine with me on Monday. She didn’t want to go again. I just can’t figure that girl out. She’s so odd. I tried to convince her of the fun, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with it, so I dropped it. After we got home, I dropped the kids off at Ryan’s work (it was 6:00pm) and took Laura into Calgary for a movie. We went to see Pink Panter 2. Hilarious. Stupid slapstick comedy. Steve Martin at his best. The stupid love story they injected didn’t piss me off like it normally would, maybe because I was so tired, but probably because I was constantly giggling at Martin’s funniness. He’s a comedy genius.

I’m excited for Monday! It’s going to be +8C, sunny, beautiful and perfect for snowboarding. It’s snowing now and will snow for the next 3 days straight. At least I have 3 days to get over the soreness. At least I’m not as sore as the first time I went snowboarding. I’m going to sign up for more lessons at Sunshine and just go have fun with my friend Shauna. She rocks! She can make me laugh like no one else can. She’s such a riot! It will be a blast snowboarding with her, her son and Josh.

I just hope to get over the soreness by then. Friday was a horrible day. I was cranky and very subdued on Friday because I was tired, sore and had forgotten about the kids Valentines day parities. Bleh. I ran around all day scrambling to do all the things that I should have done Thursday night. I took a nap at noon, but it didn’t help. I was still exhausted. I went to Ryan’s work and quietly did my work. The guys were all confused that the bubbly, crazy me wasn’t around. I wasn’t mean, just very subdued. It threw them for a loop. They kept asking me if I was ok. I told them I was tired, sore and cranky and to leave me alone so I can suffer in silence. They kept coming around to try to make me laugh. I would give them my polite smile or just say, ‘that’s funny.’ No hard belly laugh or craziness came from me today. They were so confused. Heh. I should have just stayed home. People are just beside themselves when I don’t act my bubbly self. It’s so frustrating for me. I should have stayed in bed and slept, but I wanted money so I came in. I need sleep. I hope I can sleep most of the day tomorrow.

Valentines Day is tomorrow. Bleh. I hate this holiday. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. It’s just going to blow just like every single year. Arg. Stupid lovey dovey holidays.

Josh turned 8 on Monday. Geez. Time just flies. It seemed just not too long ago I was in labor and making Ryan stop for gas on the way to the hospital so we didn’t have to go there on the way home. I don’t know why I was so determined to fill up the car before I had the baby, I just was. I arrived at the hospital at 8:00am, had Josh at 9:00am backwards on my knees on the bed with my midwives at the Peter Lougheed. Then 3 hours later, by noon I was home in my own and Ryan was making me blueberry pancakes, with whipping cream, bacon and scrambled eggs.

I hate the hospital and was so glad the midwives could release me from that horrid place.

Josh wanted to go to the Cheesecake cafe so we went for his birthday dinner as a family. We made them put us in the corner booth far away from any other customer. It was crazy as always, Luke kept sneaking out from under the table and running off around the restaurant, while we chased him up and down the aisles. The kids were goofing around and creating such a ruckus. I was so stressed and kept shushing them in vain.

Thankfully the food came and we were able to eat, so they were silent for a good 5 minutes. I lost my appetite because Luke kept on squirming and trying desperately to escape the booth. I can’t eat when I’m stressed, so I ate 3 bites of my food and the rest just sat there. It wasn’t that great anyway. We usually eat at restaurants that are at a higher caliber and quality than the Cheesecake, so this meal was something that I could easily make at home. If I can make it at home I get annoyed because when I go out, I want the chef to wow me. To have the presentation and flavors be absolutely divine. I wasn’t wowed. For the price we paid I think it was waaaay over priced.

Josh enjoyed himself and had a great time. We had his birthday party with his friends on Saturday Feb. 7. For his birthday party we took him and 6 friends to LaserTrek in Calgary. They had a blast playing for an hour. They had so much fun and gushed about it when they came out. We had pop, pizza and cake in the party room. We opened up gifts then went on our way to the movie theatre. I took them to see Tales of Despereaux. It was a great movie. One little boy had to go home because he has Lupus and started to get sick. His parents came and got him. After the movie we brought the boys back to our house and had them play for an hour until their parents came to pick them up.

I was so tired and was falling over because I only had an hour sleep. I was up on Friday at 7am, up all day doing laundry and cleaning the house, then I went to work at 5:00pm worked until 3:30pm.Got home at 4am. Had to clean the kitchen and the main floor all over again because Ryan didn’t get the kids to do their chores and made an absolute mess in the kitchen for dinner. I was so upset. It took me an hour to clean everything up again. I was fuming the entire time.

I made Josh a tank cake with 13 mini cupcakes around with army men on top of the mini cupcakes and 12 large cupcakes as well. It was great. I would like to have put more detail into the tank and camouflaged it more, but I was so tired. I wandered upstairs, Ryan was just waking up. It was 7:30am. I lay on top of Ryan, mumbling to him about how I was tired, how upset I was at him and once I get some sleep I was going to chew him out. He just cuddled me and exhausted I instantly fell into a deep sleep on top of him.

Next thing I knew Ryan was waking me up. It was an hour later and I had to get ready for the boys because they were arriving at 9:15am. I was so tired, I couldn’t even think straight, but I got up and got myself, the kids and everything ready to go into the van. I made it through the day and then fell asleep for 1 1/2 hr. until we had to go out for dinner with one of Ryan’s employees. It was a lot of fun. I had barely enough energy to make it through dinner. We went to 79 which is just a fabulous place to go for dinner. The place is in a house and it’s decked out all snazzy. I love going here. This is my kind of place to eat. The food is wonderful and the ambiance and company were fun.

After dinner we went out to go see Push at Chinook. It was ok. I fell asleep on the way home, stumbled in and fell asleep within 3 seconds once my head hit the pillow. I have never fallen asleep that fast before. It usually takes me 30 -45min to fall asleep, but this time I really needed it. Sunday, I awoke, went to church, came home and slept. I slept all day long. Got up for dinner, stayed up for 3 hours then went to bed again at 9pm. I was exhausted. Geez. Not getting enough sleep really effects me now. I used to be able to pull these 48 hours stints when I was in College all the time. Now… not so much. Hmm… must be getting old.

The ridiculous ball and chain is racking up my Credit Cards that I just got. I’m so pissed. After my gear goes through from Belgium I’m going to cancel it and get a new number. He has his dad’s number so he can just use that. Either that or I’ll give him my low credit card with a $500 limit on it. This way he can’t put $2000 on it without me knowing. He just thinks it’s hilarious that the roles have reversed and that I am worrying about money. I don’t appreciate that he feels the need to add to my stress. I already get stressed out so easily and I don’t handle stress very well. He knows that and yet, he’s just laughing about it. I’m so getting a new number, then not telling him what it is. He’s such a jackalope that at times I wish I was darth vader…

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.

You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Since I have two answering machines I’ll put one on each machine.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl’s empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven’t forgotten

**************

Roses are red booger’s are green please leave your message on this stupid machine.

I think they are very appropriate for this horrendous holiday of Valentines. I don’t like Valentines day either. Bleh.

The order I hate the holidays:

Christmas is the worst ever. I get physically ill in December because I hate it so much.
My birthday. I hate my birthday. Hate it to the core. Why? Cuz I never get to do what I want to do. It’s ridiculous to celebrate this.
Valentines Day - the ball and chain always fails miserably at this and I’m always the one that has to plan this day out. I’m sick of it. I hate flowers that die within a week. I always ask for a little rose bush plant so I can plant it in my garden in spring, but the request falls upon deaf ears as always.
Halloween is stressful cuz Ryan is never around so it’s up to me to get 5 kids ready to go out trick or treating. Since I’m usually disorganized when it comes to the kids it stresses me out and causes me a lot of grief and emotional turmoil.

I like Easter. I love Canada Day just cuz we always go to a parade out in Drumheller and just hang out at the splash park all day. Next are all the long weekends, cuz it means just relaxing and hanging out.

Loved it! I thought it was hilarious. It’s great for girls and for guys. It’s not really a chick flick, more of a comedy so I loved it. I thought it was so great because, some of those situations are things I’ve gone through back in the day. I howled and laughed through the movie. A great show to watch.

I went and saw it last night.Meh. It was ok. The writers just borrowed from Heroes. Instead of the company, they call it the division. Instead of all the abilities they call them pushers, movers, sniffers. Just retarded really. Heroes does a beter job. Although the only thing that makes that movie watchable is the main character. The guy is hot. Good eye candy. He’s got gorgeous eyes. That was the only thing that saved this movie was the eye candy. It was a weak plot and story line. If they make a sequel I’d wait until it came to my theater cuz I wouldn’t want to pay for it again. I didn’t have to pay for PUSH cuz I used my Scene points. Horray for free stuff.

I have been trying to buy a 250R Ninja for quite sometime now, since April 2008. They have been sold out or they were too much money.

My friend Scott, told me about a dealer out in HR. I was happy, yet pissed at the same time cuz Ryan’s shop is out there and he would drive by this Kawi dealer everyday since July 2008. Seriously, open your eyes. He’s so unobservant, it drives me nuts.

So I call the owner, who is super nice, then I go down and meet him. He’s on the hunt for a bike for me. He had 2 at the bike show for $4200. I was so upset cuz I was at the bike show and would have gotten the bike there, but didn’t know about him until after. So after a month of searching for me, he finally found a bike for me out in Camrose. I was so excited for a brief moment until he told me the price, $5070. I was upset. I could’ve bought that here in Calgary for that price.

Crushed and a little upset I called Ryan grumbling and complaining about the price. I wanted to save money on the bike because the gear is going to cost me $2000. It’s being sent from Belgium as I write! Whoo hoo!

So I asked Ryan to call the owner and see if he could use his sales skills to get me a better deal.

He called me back 15 min later and told me the good news. $500 off, so the bike will only cost me $4500. How rockin’ is THAT!?! I was so, so, so uber happy out of my mind. I was just thrilled and estatic! Huge bonus points for him because for once he has shown an interest in my bike and got me a deal. I was just freaking out, I was so excited. Horray! I’m finally going to be getting my bike!

So I ran over on Saturday and gave the dealer $2000. He’s picking up the bike this Thursday. I’m going to meet my bike on Friday. I’m so pumped. I think I”m going to call my bike Gremlin…. or Jack. I really like the name Jack for some reason. I think Jack is going to be the name… I dunno. I’ll think it over when I get to see it for the first time. I teased the owner and asked if I could have weekly visitation with my bike until I paid for all of it.

I didn’t pay for all of it because I need to put $2000 on my Credit card because all my gear is being charged to my credit card.

I’ll be picking up my bike at the end of March, this way I will have my CC all paid off and all my money for my bike. That and I don’t want to start to pay for insurance until I can ride the damn thing and that won’t be until the middle of April. Right now all the money I make goes towards my bike and my Credit Card. I hate having to be all responsible. It just bugs me. I’m going to leave my Credit Card at home now tucked in my shoe hanger so I don’t feel tempted to use it to buy stuff. I just want to quickly pay it off. I’m going to work a bit more so I can get more money honey. I just need to work more in the evenings so I don’t have to have a babysitter cost. I’m also going to do work from home or head in for a couple hours at a time at the theater as well. I need to have no debts by March 31, 2009 because I’m going to be out of commission for 2 weeks and won’t be able to work. Then I have to work like crazy so I can save up money to go to Hawaii in June.

Ryan is now coming with me cuz he wants to come. That and he said he’d pay for the entire thing. So, I’m happy about that. I do want to save money for Hawaii though because then if Ryan balks or complains about something I want to do I’ll just be like, forget you, I’m going whether you like it or not cuz I’ve got the money and I’m doing it. Once my mind is set to do something, I’m dogged determined to see it through and get it done. I just fixate and focus on that one thing until I get it. I usually get what I want. Determination and perseverance pays off.

I’ll be up for 48 hours baking a cake, taking care of kids, working and doing Josh’s birthday party. I’m so freakn’ exhausted. I left a note with all the things that I wanted to have done when I got home, but when I got home at 4am nothing was done. Nothing. Dishes were still in the dishwasher. Dirty dishes in the sink. Ryan must have made supper for himself because there was dirty dishes on the stove, on the island and in the sink. The floor had a bran muffin scattered all around from I’m assuming Luke’s terror. The laundry wasn’t folded and the floors were not swept. So now I have to spend an hour cleaning up instead of going straight to decorate the tank cake that Josh wants for his birthday.

I’m so disappointed, frustrated and upset. I really wish Ryan would pull his weight around the house. All he had to do was follow the list I gave him and get the kids to do their chores. I work too and yet he still doesn’t feel that he has to do anything around the house. I’m so angry. I wish he would just help out, especially before a big day. He’s so lazy around the house it drives me crazy. I’m sure he just went and watched TV downstairs all night long again.

I’m so mad. Crap like this just makes me want to leave. Just pack my junk and get the hell out of this life and start new somewhere else. Just disappear. Arg.

I wish I had a pause button so I could just stop time, take a nap, then clean up and finishing doing the cake. I hate how time just marches on and I never seem to be capable of keeping up.

The birthday party should be fun though. Taking 10 kids over to lasertek, having pizza and cake, then off to the movies, then home. 9am - 4pm. It’s going to be a long day. I hope I can crash and sleep somewhere… I’m going to have to take some chai and Red Bull to keep my awake.

At the dinner table Josh shoves his fork in his mouth so it’s sticking out sideways like a dog bone.

“Do you know why I’m doing this?” He asks us his eyes dancing with mischief.

We all just pause and stare at him for a second.

Without missing a beat Mya pipes up and says, “Because you’re a freak?”

We all burst into laughter. She is picking up my phrases so quickly.

**********

We are having some of the black tie mousse cake.
Mya comes up and says, “Can I have some cow cake please?”

*********

For Christmas Mya got a Barbie doll that sings. When she opens it up and discovered it she says, “Oh yea!!! Now when I sing, boys will come to me!”

**********

Brandon was being very naughty. I got mad at him and said, “Brandon, you’re 6 now. You need to behave! I want you to be good and listen to what I say!!!”
Brandon looks at me and says, “Well, I’m still 5. I turn 6 tomorrow.”

I’m terribly frustrated over my whole bike situation. I’m trying to find my Red 250R Ninja and I’m very specific about what I want and the price I want to pay. My patience is wearing thin and I’m getting terribly annoyed of the obstacles I’m trying to leap over. I need a BFG just to blow everything out of my way so I can just achieve my goal of getting one of those damn things to drive. ARG. I just found out I can pick up my bike for $4200 and I want to do that instead of paying $5000 or more for it.

Clothing is such a headache to find cuz either it’s too small or too big. I can’t seem to find my size that I want in the clothing I want. I want the black Lady Yu 2pc. Dainese outfit and it’s not here in Canada. I can’t find it or if I can it’s too ridiculously expensive.

My theatre boss keeps trying to get into my head and trying to figure me out. I hate that. I think I’m a pretty open person and if I want to let people in, I’ll let them in, otherwise I want people to butt out and stay out. Don’t try to figure me out. Hellz. She’s sending me emails saying, “I thought this was profound for you… what do you think?” Seriously, What?!? It was a bunch of mumbo jumbo about figuring what you’re going to do this year. I think she’s trying to fish to see if I’m coming back to work during the days for her. I’m not. I’m not interested. Not in the slightest. It’s so stressful for me and I’d rather work for Ryan where it doesn’t matter if I show up or not. I’m so irked when people try to jump into my personal space when I haven’t invited them into it. If I want you in, you’re in. If I don’t. Stay the hell out and leave me alone. I’m either a very warm and welcoming person or extremely cold and hostile. If I like someone I’ll treat them like a King or Queen, but if I don’t I’m extremely closed off and an ice Queen.

I’ve been quite grumpy lately and I’m still trying to figure out why. I think it’s just the stress of money and making sure I have enough to do all the things I want to do. I’m trying so hard to save money and it’s stressing me out like crazy. I’m not good at saving and excel at spending. I’m trying to make sure I save all my money I make so that I can just pay cash for the bike, but there’s all kinds of stupid bills that keep coming up that I’m not expecting. Like my $500 heating and electricity bill I just got from December. Holy Hell. I hate stupid Christmas lights and cold weather. Sheesh.

All my kids birthdays are all in a row and there’s skiing and snowboarding to do. I just get so frustrated cuz I want to do it all… for some reason I feel a sense of urgency to do all these things I’ve always wanted to do… I don’t know why.

I wonder if it’s cuz somehow I know I’m gonna die within the next few years so I’m trying to pack in as much as I can? Hmmm…. I just feel antsy. I feel like a caged tiger that is just pacing. I just want to get out there and do and go, yet I feel my family and life is holding me back. I feel a lot of guilt for pursuing all the things I want to do. Crazy. But I do.

It’s been awhile since I last posted. I’ve been just hand writing in a journal. Sometimes I find that is a great therapy. Now that horrible is December is over. I still hate Christmas and I still hate December and what it brings about. Too many parties, too many obligations, too much money spending and too many things to do. I really do shut down for December.

I was in a fog the entire month. I could barely go anywhere or do anything. I was spiraling down and could not get myself to shake off my horrible mood. The only bright shining light I had to hold on to was that I was able to chat and talk to Dave quite a bit for the first few weeks in December. It made life bearable. He was really my only human contact other than my family. I distanced myself from everyone and just shut down. Didn’t return calls, barely went to work, and slept for a lot of the day.

I hate being a manic depressive or “bipolar” as the new term is. Seriously, I don’t know why they have to change the name all the time. It’s so stupid. So I have ADD AND Manic issues…. Sheesh. Way to go me for picking up a stupid brain.

January started up and I was very happy that Christmas was over. I felt very invigorated and ready to roar. I had a surge of energy and the fog which filled my brain was gone. I was on a high. The roller coaster was moving up.

First day back at work. The boss pulled me and and we had a 3 hour conversation as to why I wasn’t around much and what the heck was going on with me. I must admit I only showed up for 6 days of day work. I showed up for all my night shifts, but day work I was hating. It just was too much for me and my family. I wasn’t coping well, had too many balls up in the air and they were crashing down around me.

So I helped her make the decision that she didn’t want to do. I told her that I would fire me if I wasn’t performing the way I wanted an employee to perform and that no matter what I would always be her friend and not to blur the friendship and the work aspect of our relationship. She still wanted me on the floor, so I will stay on the floor and be a floor manager still and do marketing for the theatre, just not the sales part that she wants to expand. Which is totally fine by me and makes me happy.

So I began to work for Ryan during the day, but the great thing is that I just show up whenever I want. Also it is great to see him. Our relationship has improved significantly since I am now able to see him more than 15 min. at night. I like it. It’s really great. I was seriously headed for divorce court with him. I was so angry and pissed at him constantly.

I’m a quality time person and if I don’t spend time with him I begin to hate him fast. So now I see him 3 times a week and we have a great time at work. I’m always giving him hugs and kisses or sitting on his lap or just chatting with him. It’s nice to just get back to us without 8 million kids around us. We have the guys at the shop, but I love working with all guys. They are so casual and easy going and they are always fooling around and joking. It’s great. I love working with guys. They are a blast!

I’m trying to find my bike at a decent price. I am also trying to find my gear at a decent price. It’s so hard, especially cuz I’m so small. There’s lots of large sizes, just not my size. I’ve called down to San Francisco to talk to the Dainese store down there, but again they don’t have what I’m looking for. I know exactly what I want and what I’m looking for. So now I’m just trying to find the best price.

I have a couple of guys helping me buy my bike. It’s so great. I love having help with this stuff, cuz I don’t know what the hell I’m doing so I love it when someone takes me under their wing and helps me out. I’m just waiting to hear back from a dealership in High River. I was so upset to find out that the dealer out there sold the 250 Ninja for $4200. Holy Hellz! I wish I would have found out this place sooner. I would have bought it instantly. He had my color and everything. So basically that’s what I’m focusing on these days. I dream of my bike. I think of it and I’m searching the bike and gear online.

I just wish there was some way to clone myself so I could do more things at once or just be able to stop time so I could get more things done.

I’m tired of being told “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t”.

It’s my life. I want to live it how I want. I tried living the way “normal” people live it. A family, kids, husband, job. It’s driving me nuts.

I don’t like being settled. I like to do things that scare me. I like to learn new things. I like to get out of my comfort zone and make a fool of myself. I don’t care. I just want to try everything at least once. The things I love, I’ll do it again.

I need a sugar shop. I’d say I need a sugar daddy, but I want to do so many things that I would need more than one or just be with someone who had no limits. hehehe….

My travel plans. I’m gonna post this in my bathroom wall, on my fridge and by my computer so I can remind myself to book tickets and do research.

May: Go to Saskatoon to visit my brother. I haven’t seen him in ages and I want to see him before he dies. I hope he’s not traveling then. Weekend trip
June: Go to Hawaii. One week.
July: Camping. One week. I will be riding my bike over the summer and volunteering with the racing group in Calgary.
August: Camping. One week.
September: Charlotte Town, PEI. I’ve always wanted to go to the East coast and I’ve always wanted to go to PEI. Fish and chips on the dock! Yummy. This will be a 4 day trip.
October: Italy - Although I’m going to have to check on this one. I don’t want to go during rainy season. It will be a 1 or 2 week trip.
November: Egypt with Dave. 1 or 2 weeks as well.
December: DisneyWorld with the family. This will be a 10 day trip.

I think it will be great because it will be something to look forward to each month. I don’t care what everyone says. I’m going to travel and see the world. It has always been a life long dream. Since right now I can’t take off for an entire year I want to do as much as I can anyway…. cuz what if I die next year? I’ll be pissed that I didn’t get to go see and do stuff while I was still alive.

So I told a friend, who’s like a father figure to me that I was going to travel next year…. alone. I’d take Ryan on a few trips, but for the most part go alone. He freaked out! He kept quizzing me about what I would do if a guy approached me and what I would do in certain situations.

I got a little annoyed. At first I just blew it off, but then once he sensed that I didn’t think it was a big deal he became more persistent. *sigh*

“You going alone?” He asks concerned.

“Ya! I’m soooo excited! It’s going to be such an adrenaline rush. Just me. Trying to figure out what to do, where to go. I’m so pumped!” I gushed.

“That’s not a good idea.” He says frowning.

“Why not? There’s nothing wrong with me going alone.”

“Well, what if some really good looking guy comes up to you and you all of a sudden are in a compromising position? I think you should take Ryan.” He cautions me.

“WHAT!?! If I saw a hot guy I’d smile and look, but I wouldn’t touch! I’ve already made up my mind as to what I would do in that kind of situation and I’m not interested in cheating. I’m going to go have fun, explore, see the world, discover something new, learn something and just be free!” I insisted.

“It’s just not a good idea. Why don’t you want to go with Ryan?” He persists.

“I am, on some of my trips… but I like being just me. I’m constantly surrounded by people, I just want one trip where it’s just me, besides Ryan drives me crazy. I hate traveling with him. We usually always end up fighting and I’m furious at him the entire time. He’s so dang slow. It drives me crazy.”

“Well, I still think you should go with him. He will keep you out of trouble.” He says.

“TROUBLE?!? What trouble? I’m not going to get in trouble. I’ve made my decision about sleeping around and I’m not going to… that’s not me. It’s not what I want. I DON’T want that!” I’m getting annoyed and flustered at this point.

“I really don’t see the big deal.” I grumble.

“Well, if you looked like a Hutterite then I wouldn’t have a problem with you going on your own.” He says trying to prove his point.

“What?!?” I’m totally puzzled by his statement.

“Well, if you dressed like a Hutterite and looked like a Hutterite I wouldn’t have a problem with you going.” He repeats himself. One look at his face and he’s actually serious.

I just laugh…. I really don’t see what people see in me. I don’t think I’m attractive and it puzzles me when people think I am.

“You don’t have to worry about that. I don’t think anyone would even take a second look at me. Sheesh.” I just shake my head at his absurd comment. How ridiculous.

At this point he keeps insisting that I not travel alone and that I need to dress like a Hutterite more. He is blocking my way, his face full of concern.

Finally I just tell him what he wants to hear. Yes I’ll take Ryan and yes I’ll run over to the SallyAnn and pick up some homely, baggy clothes to wear. *sigh* I flash him a grin and reassure him that I’ll be fine.

After staring at me for a few moments he finally says sighing, “I’ve just seen it happen too many times. Just be careful.”

“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” I say playfully.

He then has to go attend to another patient, so thankfully I am able to leave. Geez… thank goodness I didn’t tell him about going to Egypt with Dave. He would have never let me get out of the dental chair. Sheesh.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Of course I’m going to be safe, it’s not like I’m going to go up to some hot guy and ask him to bed me just because I’m on holidays. Holy hell. That’s just ridiculous.

Also, what is he trying to say about me? I’m really upset that he would think I would just hop in the sac with some guy. I’ve got more morals than that and I’m insulted that he would suggest something like that. I’m not a freakn’ ho. So now I’m just upset by the whole conversation and insinuation. I’m sure he was concerned about my well being, but I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.

Life is exhausting. I just don’t know how single moms handle it all. My hats off to all of them out there.

I’m going at this all on my own here. Ryan is never around. I need to start planning my weekends so I can have something to look forward to.

My head is filled with a million things that I have to do. I’m constantly missing appointments or forgetting things even when I’ve remembered earlier that morning.

My to-do list is pages long. Anytime I get somethings done off of it 5 more things pop on it.

Simplify… it’s just something I can’t wrap my brain around.

On a positive note, I loved going to Ryan’s work Christmas party. It was so, so, so much fun. I was being my goofy, silly, bubbly self and people were amused.

One of the young guys there looked like Ricky Martin. He had come up to me and was being so charming that I began to make fun of him for it. I told him he looked like Ricky Martin and that if he wasn’t careful girls would throw themselves at him.

So we are at the part of the evening where everyone introduces themselves.

Ryan says, “Hi! I’m Ryan and I run the shop in High River.”

I say in a monotone, depressed voice, “Hi, I’m Joanne and I’m Ryan’s wife.”

People started to snicker.

“Oh that came out wrong didn’t it? Sorry, let me try that again.” I say grinning.

In my perky, hyper, full of energy voice I say, “HI! I’M Joanne and I’M RYAN’s wife. Ohhh, and he’s all mine!! Grrrr…..” And I wrap my leg over top of his lap, grab his inner thigh and pull it towards me making my little growling noises while I grab his shirt and yank him towards me as well. Everyone roared laughing. It broke the ice and set a precedent for what introductions are suppose to be like.

One of Ryan’s mechanics went next. In a very bubbly, loud voice (mocking me) he announces, “Hi! I’m Jon and I work for RYAN!” The crowd erupts into laughter once again….

And so continued the introductions going around the circle. Everyone altering and changing their introductions but making them very funny and orginial.

A few of my fav’s that I remember:
“Hi! I’m Steven and when I grow up I want to drive a service truck!”;
“Hi! I’m Ralph and I work for Sir Cam.”;
“Hi! I’m Julie, I’m Jeff’s wife and I like to spend his money.”
“Hi I’m SaraJane and I’m Paul’s wife and I’m his babymomma.”

It was very humorous to say the least. Now once we got to Braedon (Ricky Martin Look-a-like) he says, “Hi! I’m Ricky Martin…..” but before he could go any further I jumped up and screamed and ran over to where he was sitting and threw myself at his feet, reached up and pulled on his arms, grabbed his shirt, touched his face and hair and screamed, “AAAAHHHHH RICKY!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!! Can you shake your bon bon for me? I LOVE YOU RICKEEEEEEE! AAAAHHHHH, it’s Ricky!!!!”

Everyone was shocked for a second then burst out into laughter when they realized what was going on. I was killing myself laughing because he was shocked at my reaction to his statement. Once he recovered he got up and did a back flip in the air.

It was just so much fun and an absolute riot. I love it when people are silly and play around. I hate stuffy Christmas parties and this one was laid back and relaxed.

We played the gift game next. How it works is that there are are bunch of gifts in the centre of the room around 70 gifts, one for each person each worth around $100 + or -. You can pick a gift from the middle or you can pick a gift that someone has opened already. There are no steal backs and a gift can only be fought over once each round. Ryan got his toothbrush that he wanted.

He saw Gary open it and he exclaims, “I want that!”

Gary says, “If you steal this away from me, I will love you forever!” He begins to blow kisses across the room, draw a heart over his heart and bat his eye lashes… it was so, so funny.

When it was finally Ryan’s turn he did take the fancy rechargeable toothbrush from him.

“I think you owe Ryan a kiss now Gary.” I blurt out grinning, my eyes dancing with mischief.

Gary runs over and pretends to give Ryan a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks man! I owe you one!” He whispers into Ryan’s ear.

I was a little disappointed with the results, hoping that he would have gone a little overboard and planted one on his cheek or something for a good laugh…. ah well… not everyone is motivated for the reaction as I am.

The remarks about the gifts, the stealing of gifts back and forth was comical. It was very fun to watch everyone open their gift.

I picked a bag that was in the centre. I was curious as to what was in a bag that wouldn’t fit in a box. I was wonderfully rewarded for my curiosity. I got a gorgeous white Columbia ski coat. It fit me perfect. I love getting things that I would never buy for myself, but always wanted. This was something that fit the bill exactly. I’m always too practical and would never buy a white coat for myself. I love them, but worried about getting them dirty. Now I finally had one AND I didn’t have to buy it.

I was worried that someone might steal it from me during the game so I warned everyone to keeps their paws off my coat and that I’d fight till the death for this coat. I then put it on and wore it the entire time. I could tell that girls were eyeing the coat but the white scared them off because they were worried that it would get dirty or they wouldn’t look good in white.

I owned the coat. I was pumped out of my mind at the end of the game that no one wanted to steal it from me. Lots of women came over after commenting that they liked the coat and wanted to take it, but the fact that I was wearing it made them not try to steal it from me. Whoo hoo! My plan worked! I totally would have made a big production out of it if they would have anyway.

For the first time in 4 years of going to that Christmas party I finally got a gift I loved. It is such a gorgeous coat. I just have to go find some ski pants to go with it.

At the end of the game there were a bunch of extra gifts in the centre so you could exchange your gift if you didn’t like it. There were some exchanging going on and everyone was happy with their gifts in the end. It was a fun night with a great meal and great company.

I went to bed exhausted and very content over my treasure.

I can explain.

Love, Jo

Never wonder why… because for some reason you’ll always find out… even when you really didn’t want to know the answer.

I always wondered how couples fell out of love… I thought it was stupid and I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it…. Now I know how.

Ryan and I have hardly seen each other in the past month and we haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I finally saw him for the first time on Sunday.

“Hi Stranger.” I smiled at him as I sat at the table eating my honey nut cherrios.

He broke out into a huge grin. “Hi!”

He sniffles, sneezes and coughs.

“You’re sick?” I ask. I don’t remember him being sick the last time I saw him.

“Ya.”

“When did you get sick?” I wondered.

“A week ago.” He replies.

“Huh…. I had no idea. That’s too bad. Hope you feel better soon. I swear you better not give it to me or I’ll be pissed.” I replied nonchalantly continuing to eat my cereal.

He grins at me. “We haven’t seen each other in the past month, it’s like we’re strangers.” He winks at me his voice filled with innuendo.

I eye him warily. “I guess.” It’s more like annoyance though cuz I haven’t seen him. I’ve distanced myself from him and am cold towards him. I hate being ignored. Nothing makes me more upset. Except, instead of being downright pissed off, throwing a tantrum I just shrug and don’t care. Very dangerous. Very dangerous indeed. He wants me to be flipping out because then I care. When I go silent that spells danger.

“So what’s new in your world?” I ask. Keeping the same polite tone as if I were indeed talking to a stranger.

He tells me about the shop, the guys, the jobs, the trucks and the hard luck cases. I’ve tuned him out, my mind wandering thinking about what I have to do today. I give him the ‘uh huh’s’ and the ‘hmmm’… or ‘really?’ in the appropriate spots.

Once I finish my cereal I toss my bowl into the sink, surveying the mess in the kitchen the kids have made and sigh. I’m on my own at this.

I look over at Ryan and he’s slouched in the couch still telling me about his month. I give him a weak smile, a few more ‘uh huh’s’ then go upstairs to the bedroom. I really don’t care. It’s cold, but it’s the only way I can cope with him being away constantly.

I’m on the 4th book of the Twilight Series and I’m so glad to be almost done. I flip open the book engrossed with the vampire chronicles. I want to be immortal. It sounds like fun!

Ryan doesn’t bother to follow me. Instead he gives me space and sticks to the main floor or the basement. I should be beside myself with grief and long to be with him, but he annoys the hell out of me now. I don’t want to hear his excuses. I don’t even want to be near him.

Things are never going to change. He keeps promising that he will be around more, but I’m not holding my breath. He’s not. He never will be. I know this because his partner works just as much as Ryan does and he’s been doing it for 20 years. Am I going to bail out? No. The money prospect looks too good. We’ll have our mortgage paid off next year and I’m going to go on a trip a month is my goal. Go on a weekend trip and every 3 months take a week long trip away.

I’m just off doing my own thing. Co-existing with him because it’s easier to do that than be out on my own. He’s my roommate.

So that’s how it happens. That’s how people fall out of love. It happens slowly, casually, until the fire has burned out and all that’s left is ashes of a relationship.

I don’t understand why I always get sick in December. It’s probably because I’m so uber stressed and have a million things on my mind and a million things to do.

I have 4 xmas parties this week. One I’m cooking for. It went well. I was up until 2am on Monday making all the phyllo pastries and puff pastries. It was exhausting. I got sick because I didn’t get enough sleep.

The one on Tuesday is an RS party. One on Friday is a Ward Xmas party, then I go to the Xmas party for the kids at the theatre. Then on Saturday is one for Ryan’s work. Sheesh. I’m getting partied out. I’m really excited about the kids one cuz we are going to go do indoor paintball. I’m really excited about this concept. I think it will be a blast!

I still have a few things to get for Mya, Brandon and Luke for Christmas. I’m just going to order it online via ToysRUs website. I’m tired of going into the stores. Plus they do free delivery. Why not?

I still hate Christmas. It just stresses me out. I hate the whole giving gifts thing… it just bugs me. The only thing I want for Christmas is my bike stuff… I’ve told Ryan that so I hope that this year he actually listens and doesn’t try to be “creative” and think for himself. Drives me nuts when he gets me stupid stuff I don’t want. He doesn’t like it when I give him a list, yet, he never gets me what I really want. Why he can’t just give me what I ask for is just beyond me. It makes me very annoyed that he just doesn’t listen to me. So, I just hate Christmas. Bleh. Christmas sucks.

I figure since mostly I complain, whine, moan and vent on here, I should probably put something that actually makes me happy…. Things I love….

So here we go…

Something that I find absolutely irresistable… makes me lose all train of thought, stuns me, silences me or turns me into a babbling stuttering idiot and makes my thoughts turn into pudding, is Aqua Di Gio.

Now I don’t know what drug they have mixed in here, but it has a serious, serious effect on my physical body as well as my mental state. It’s the most amazing men’s fragrance out there and my favorite. It just makes my mind swim and my body instantly perks up. It’s the best smelling, most delicious scent I’ve smelled on a man. It’s my drug. I can’t say no.

My next favorite cologne is one that drives me wild… however, I’ve found that it doesn’t have the same effect with all men. Obsession by Calvin Klein is equally as amazing as Aqua Di Gio on its effects, but it all depends on who wears it and the scent of the guy mixed in with the cologne. I had an ex-boyfriend that used to wear this and it just made me go absolutely nuts. When I bought it for Ryan and he put it on…. it wasn’t the same. I didn’t like it. Odd…. Love the commercial though.

There are times when I’ll be driving and I’ll be totally and absolutely lost in my own world. Just completely lost in my day dream and my own little world that when I finally arrive at my destination I’m always curious as to how I made it there.

I love that I have a very strong and vivid imagination. I can escape so easily. I’m enjoying reading the Twilight books because they are an easy read. I can read a book in a day or two and I just lose myself within them. Although there are parts where I just gag and roll my eyes at.

I really don’t believe that a guy would ever be so sweet and say all those amazing things that Edward spews out of his mouth. I just can’t imagine that at all. I think it is giving false hope to all the young female readers because they have now built up this image in their mind of what guys should say to them, but it will all come crashing down on them. They will feel all hurt and devastated when they realize this.

MAYBE… maybe there is the odd guy out there who says all that stuff like Edward, but those are few and far in between. Kinda like finding a needle in the haystack.

Wow… Yesterday was crazy. Nothing like waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

I awoke and felt like I wanted to rip someone’s head off, take their brains out and feed it to a rabid dog. I was in a foul mood.

Unfortunately, my mood didn’t dissipate. It just stayed until the evening.

At work I warned everyone of my mood and closed my door. At least on the phone I can throw my voice and be happy if I need to.

I sat and tried to figure out what was causing my foul disposition. I think what set me off was that I had told Ryan we needed to go on a date and I wanted to head out to see Righteous Kill. I had to go can flour at the church and I’d be done at 8:45 so he could meet me after. I called him at that time, but he went to bed instead. He was too tired to go out. I was annoyed. I haven’t seen him at all for the past month and I’m beginning to hate him again. *sigh* Instead I just went to Walmart and went Christmas shopping. Instead of calming me down, shopping just made me more mad. I hate Christmas. It just stresses me out. I went to bed furious. Hence I woke up wanting to kill someone. I figured it out, yet I couldn’t shake the mood. Not until I hit the pub.

In the evening I went to a pub to take pictures for their advertising campaign. As I was taking pics, some guy kept on ducking out of the way. Finally exasperated he got up and moved out of my way and told me he could not have his pic taken. He then went on to explain he was part of a special ops team and had just got back from Afghanistan. He was very intriguing and interesting. I talked to him for 15 min. He was really nice and I could have talked to him for longer, but I had to go to the New Kids on the Block concert. So with a bit of regret I ended the conversation.

I went to get Laura from the back kitchen and when I returned back out to the pub he disappeared. I found him in the parking lot and gave him a couple of passes to the theatre. I really wanted to talk to him more and find out about his job, but unfortunately time didn’t permit it.

Laura and I jumped into the van and went to Chinook. We stopped at Starbucks, but the line was too long so we went to Chapters and picked up ‘New Moon’, the next book in the Twilight Series. Picked up a strawberry slushy thing from Orange Julius then went to the concert.

I’ve been around, just crazy busy. I’m up at 5:30am and I go until 11pm when I fall exhausted in bed.

I’ve been dealing with all kinds of crazy things that I hope to be able to get around to write about it, but I prolly won’t cuz time flies in my world.

There was a crazy fog that just filled our town and all the roads on Monday. I thought it was beautiful. For the first time I felt the weather reflected my mind. I just feel like I’m walking in a hazy fog. Not really being able to see clearly where I’m going, where I’ve been or where I am currently. My mind is numb and I’m just coping with trying to do the millions of things I need to do.

I wish I could clone myself. I feel like I’m going at this life all by myself. I just want to escape. To recharge. To go far, far away.

I think I need a week off every month just so I can get bored and then I can have the energy to continue with the whirlwind that constantly surrounds me.

I wish someone would just take me away from it all.