The journey between here and there

Got this through email and thought they were interesting snippets…

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears and the one who is, won’t make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There’s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know how you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
14. Remember, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Learn from it.

This is my one addiction that I have: Smallville. I love this show. Season 1, 2 and 3 were phenomenal! Season 4 was ok, it only had a few good episodes.

I think the writers were on a lot of drugs or drunk when they wrote most of the episodes because the writing sucked! They were inconsistent, poor scripts with terrible lines. *sigh* I really hope they don’t ruin the show.

I can’t wait until Season 5 starts. The spoilers look good already. I just hope the writers have given themselves a shake and reminded themselves about what the characters have said and did in the Past Seasons. If they screw up Season 5 as badly as 4 I’ll be forced to do something drastic like send them a decomposing fish in the mail telling them they have jumped the shark and they suck. *sigh*

The only reason why I kept watching was cuz of Tom. He is my sexception after all! He’s so amazing! Wow!…and I’m not just talking about the body… although that is a work of art! He is an excellent actor!

I became a Tom Welling fan when I saw that he not only was gorgeous, but he is an incredible actor! I really, really hate bad acting and I hate when you can tell the actor/actress is acting. I was so surprised that even though Tom didn’t have much experience, he was a really good actor. He is so believable and real in playing any role he takes on. He makes it seem so effortless and easy.

The more I learn and read about him, he comes off as intelligent, humble, polite, kind and funny. It’s nice to know that he’s got integrity and character along with the good looks and a gorgeous body. There is nothing more disappointing than when you find out an actor or actress is just such a not-smart. Thankfully Tom has got the whole package.

I think he will become an A-List movie star one day. I seriously wish him the best in his career and I will support his career by going to his movies and watching his shows.

I’d say there were 3 reasons I became a Smallville fan. 1. Tom Welling, 2. Tom Welling, 3. Tom Welling. … ok … and I also like the acting, the storyline and the special effects. Season 4 has had horrible writing this year with only a few episodes that I’ve liked. So I’ve been hanging on to the fact that Tom is on the show and I want to support his career.

Babaluwee, one of the posters on DTS made this comment that pretty much sums it up:

His face is mesmerizing. There’s something about his face that stuns me, stills me, silences me and draws me in. I can’t stop staring at that face, especially his unique pair of eyes, described as “the color of pale green grapes.” There really is something about Tom’s face that does not seem humanly possible: He’s either really an alien, an angel, enchanted/charmed, or has made a pact with the devil to have women react this way in exchange for his soul.

You just get lost in those eyes. They are so piercing, unique and captivating. He has such full, kissable lips. If Michelangelo was alive he would paint and sculpt Tom. He is just stunning and breathtaking.

It’s not what happens to you, It’s what you do about it.
The wrapping might have been damaged but the gift inside is still in good shape.
It’s the folks who don’t pay attention to what “everybody knows” who often succeed in life.

W. Mitchell

So I was watching Balance TV today and on comes W. Mitchell. He is a motivational speaker and I think it’s what I need to get out of this funk that I’m in. He was really interesting and inspiring. Some of his thoughts:

1. Take Responsibility

When you take responsibility for your life, you take responsibility for where you are going to go next…

How am I going to fix it.
Stop blaming others, take the blame yourself.
Either you fix it or it’s not going to get fixed.
Take ownership.
WE make the decision to be responsible. They key word is focus.

2. Make a list
Where do you want to go
Set goals

3. Focus on the good.
There is a lot of good in the world, find it.

Don’t focus on the negative, focus on the positive. What we focus on is what we accomplish.

4. ACT

The longest journey begins with a single step. By changing one small behavior, you can make a huge amount of difference.

Choose to watch or do something to make a positive change.
Focus on the things you CAN do instead of the things you Cannot.
Choose to do what you need to do.

Your life is entirely what you decide it is. The universe starts in your head and spreads out into the world. Change what happens in your head and the universe changes

So based on this I’ve decided to try and think positive, garner enough energy to take on the mundane things of the house and just do it! That and be grateful for what I have.

So to start off I’d like to say that I’m grateful that Bissell makes carpet cleaners so I can clean spaghetti sauce out of my carpet that my 2 year old Brandon spilled all over the basement carpet.

I’m grateful that Ryan bought 2 jugs of 4L milk yesterday because today Brandon opened the drawer of our coffee table and proceeded to dump 1/2 the milk jug into the drawer.

I’m grateful that it is raining yet again even though the community is going to be flooded for the 3rd time this month because then I don’t have to water the lawn.

I’m grateful that Ryan does have a job because even though he is away from us a lot, we have food, shelter and clothing.

I am grateful for a dishwasher, because I have tones of dishes that 4 children generate and I’m glad I don’t have to do it all by hand.

I’m grateful for a washing machine and dryer that works because I would not want to do 15 loads of laundry a week by hand.

I’m grateful for a twist mop to mop my floors after Brandon spilled an entire jug of kool-aid on the floor.

I’m grateful that we are able to have food in the house, even if it ends up in sticky clumps on the floors or on my walls because that means we are being fed and don’t have to go hungry.

I’m grateful for 4 adorable kids, even though they use their creative energies to mess up and destroy the house they are so sweet, funny and they love me even when I’m a bag.

I’m grateful for Ryan who does have a job and works hard to support his family. I love it when he calls me during the day to tell me that he’s thinking of me, he misses me and he loves me.

I’m grateful for friends who are willing to help me at the drop of a hat and listen to my crazy rants.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~ Helen Keller

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some. ~ Jose Marti

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future. ~ Sidney J. Harris

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh.

It’s 10:40pm and I’m covered in paint. I only have up the stairs and a few walls left to do, but I’m procrastinating again. I’m so annoyed cuz the Devoted to Smallville site that I always go visit is down.. AGAIN… somebody probably hacked into their site yet again.. that just pisses me off. I just don’ t understand why people just can’t leave that site the freak alone cuz they are tampering not only with them but with my addiction as well! I wish I was a computer master so I could figure out who was doing this to them and then unload a huge whoopass virus on their computer… aww.. heck, why stop there, I wish I could Darth Vader them…*sigh* I’m too sadistic. Sometimes my evil thoughts scare me… I blame my mother… just kidding… only 1/2.

I’ve decided to try blogging because I can type faster than I can write and this way I can just try to work through all the crazy thoughts that roam around in my lil’ brain. Anger management. Stress relief. I’m such a stressed out person, you say the word stress and I’m stressed.. again I blame it on my mother. I’m tired so none of this is going to make sense or follow any pattern. I feel like I’m drowning in a big vat of negativity, anger, stress, sadness, regret, woulda, coulda, shoulda’s and cynicism…(is that even a word or spelled right? I don’t know, but I do know that I am cynical.) I read somewhere that Being Cynical is Just Being Realistic. I’m just so jaded and I just feel like bopping all these naive, happy people on the head.

I’m not always like this, just every now and then. I don’t show this side to anyone, so I’m glad I can vent it out here. People just see the crazy, fun, outgoing, loud, bubbly, happy, friendly, carefree me. The me that’s inside my bubble, not thinking about anything deep or dealing with crap.

I’m such a manic depressive. Right now I’m on my way down.. wait a day or so and I’ll be on my way up again… then I’ll be the happy fun loving person that everyone thinks they know. I just need to retreat back into my little bubble again.

I use to live in this bubble my entire life, even when I was little. It’s how I deal with stuff I don’t want to deal with. It’s where I feel safe. I still retreat to it and live most of my life in it. I’m very imaginative so I just have running daydreams that play out in my head like a TV that’s never turned off. As long as the TV is running I can function and I’m happy…well… temporarily. But every now and then I get snapped out of it. Reality kicks me in the ass, drags me around and makes me eat dirt until I can safely escape back into the warm, comfort and familiarity of my bubble. Sounds weird, stupid, but it’s how I cope with disappointment. It’s the only way I know how to do it. So right now at this moment, I am in reality and I don’t like it. I try to push myself back into the bubble, but something is not letting me retreat. I’m annoyed, because right now I feel a rush of feelings wash over me like the Tsunami and all I want to do is escape. Where the HELL is my Smallville site when I need it! I swear I so wish I was Darth Vader, but then again if I was people in my life would be dead a thousand times over, especially my mother and Ryan.

I’ve made so many bad choices and decisions in my life. I feel like I had so much potential, but I just got lost and now I’m trying to stumble back on the road that I had carved out for myself as a teenager but I’m so far off that I just don’t know which way is north. When I was a teenager I’d contemplate suicide…but now that I have kids, I just contemplate death by car accident or E-coli or salmonella poisoning or West Nile… but only when I’m having a really, really, really horrible, down day. Cuz suicide would really f*ck them up, but a death would probably too, but it probably wouldn’t be as bad as suicide… besides, suicide is a bad example for them. Death is more like… “aww geez too bad.” I just don’t want to screw my kids up.

I struggle with perfectionism. That too I blame on my mother. “What you only got 97%? What you got 1 wrong on your test? You knew that one! Why didn’t you get 100%?” I was an honor student, but still not good enough. I wasn’t as good as my older brother Hans. Who’s off the chart smart. I love him and respect the guy, but I feel like egging him sometimes cuz he was just too smart. He uses such big words that having a conversation with him is such a strain. I always tell him to dumbify it for me or to slow down cuz I didn’t find the last big word he said in my dictionary… how do you spell that? Anyway, my mother’s nagging, angry voice still blares in my brain all these years later. I’m sure that she did the best she could, and I shouldn’t harbor angry feelings toward her, but I still do. I’m working on it.

This trip to the Philippines has put me over the edge with her. Before we went on this trip I was on speaking terms with her and I actually enjoyed talking to her. For once in the past few months our conversations were not angry and she didn’t hang up on me… she’s such a child. She always hangs up the phone and never hears me out or tries to understand my position or where I’m coming from. B*tch.

She psychotic and I don’t want to turn into her. Unfortunately I hear myself talk to my kids the way my nutso mother talked to me and it just PISSES me off. I get so angry at myself for doing that. I do apologize to my kids when I lose it and yell, something that my mother never did. I do try to warn my kids that I’m starting to get angry so they settle down. “I’m getting angry now, please stop.” I sit and try to talk it out calmly with them, again something my mother never did with me. But when I do get those angry feelings they wash over me like a torrent rain storm. I feel like I’m such a bad mother. I’m still so selfish, I wish I could figure out how to help my kids not be so selfish so they don’t turn out angry and resentful like me when they get older. I hate the fact that I’m not this sweet, quiet, demur Mary Poppins mother, but that so isn’t me.

*sigh* I want to be a good mother. All my kids’ friends congregate here at the house. My house is the place to hang out. So I guess that makes me feel good that they feel comfortable here.

I try to do mommy - daughter dates with Laura so I can try to create a bond with her that I never had with my mother. I wish my husband would cooperate (but that’s a whole nother blah, blah, blah) so he could take the boys while her and I just went out. She so desperately needs attention. My time just seems swamped and taken over by the little kids. I think maybe I will try to put the boys to bed early and have a little candle light picnic of cookies n’ milk in front of the fireplace with wine goblets and fancy plates.

My friends say I’m the queen of the kitchen. Well, I do like to bake and cook. I hate the crap cookies that stores try to make. So I always make sure there are cookies, banana bread and cinnamon buns fresh on hand whenever they ask for it. However, being a good cook has it’s downsides too. It’s hard for me to go to restaurants cuz a lot of restaurants out there cook crap. I think they just went over to the toilet, scooped some out, added a little pepper and salt then dish it out… Have some a la crapola. It’s delicious. It’s also hard to go over to people’s houses too. People are cooing over their food and I’m like seriously? are they serious? This lump of regurgitated meat is suppose to be good? *sigh* now I’m just being mean… be nice, be nice. I just like to do the entertaining. It’s easier, that way I don’t have to lie. “Wow! This is salmon?! I’ve never tasted it quite like this before!”

Speaking of cinnamon buns, I think people are being retarded over them. I think they’ve taken a life of their own. People talk about them like they are eating a piece of heaven or something… it’s stupid. I hate it when people ask me to bake some for them… I’m usually pretty gracious and I’ll do it but I get annoyed. Cuz if I’m in the mood and I bake them and take some over whatever, but don’t freakn’ ask me, hint at it or constantly harass me about it. I do them when I feel like it, I’m not the Pillsbury Doughboy. I guess I just don’t take compliments well cuz I just always think that it could be better. ..mind you there are days on the upswing when I think they are pretty damn good and I’m the Queen, but then usually something comes along to bash me across the head to humble me again… like I’ll burn the cookies to which Ryan rejoices cuz he loves hard almost burned cookies. It reminds him of when he was a kid he says…. but his mother is just a bad cook…. but that’s another rant on it’s own.

I love Simple Plan.

It’s an amazing band. I swear their songs tap into every emotion and thought that I have. Especially, “Shut up” dedicated to my mother, “Untitled” although it’s about drinking and driving, I more relate it to my present situation of being right now. “Welcome to my life” same thing my life right now. “Perfect” dedicated once again to my mother. “I don’t want to think about you” dedicated to Ryan. I really hope they go to Calgary, I’m definitely going to go see them. I’d stand in line… They’re Canadian. They just rock. They are awesome!

So since coming back from the Philippines I’m glad I’m home, but all the problems that were here when I left are unfortunately still here. I said this to Ryan and I say it again, we are great as a couple and on vacation, but when you throw kids into the mix along with reality of the real life, we just don’t work well together. All the old issues have come up and I’m pissed… “What’s new?” he says. Sometimes, I just want to walk away and divorce his sorry ass. If he wasn’t so damn good looking and charming I would’ve left a long time ago. *sigh*

Marriage is such hard work. I fell for his looks and that’s such a bad thing to do, cuz I had rose colored glasses and refused to deal with his imperfections to see if I could actually handle and deal with all that sh*t. I’m such an idiot. In a fight the other day he said, “You look at me like you don’t like me anymore, maybe even hate me. You think I’m an idiot and a loser with a bad job.” Ya know, he nailed it. Right on the nose. I just looked at him. I didn’t deny it, cuz I DO think he’s such a not-smart. I have no respect for him at all. He has let me down time and time again, and quite frankly I’m sick of it. I’ve distanced myself from him and have placed him behind a very tall wall and I don’t know if he will ever be able to climb over it or if I will be able to climb over it.

He’s hurt me too many times that I just don’t trust him. He lies to me even though he doesn’t call it lying… I forget what he calls it but he’s the KING of EXCUSES. He’s such a sweet talker and good B.S’er. He can get himself out of any situation like slippery soap. Seriously… he should have been a lawyer. He’s able to twist the truth so that it turns out that I’m the crazy one, the sky really is Purple and OMG dogs do speak!

I’ve told him this to his face. I’m honest… maybe too honest, but I’m desperately trying to get him to see my point of view before it’s too late and I distance myself even further. I feel like I’m swimming along a dark murky river, gulping dirty water frantically trying to swim for shore, but the current keeps getting faster and keeps dragging me further away.

The other night we went to see “Batman Begins.” AWESOME! AMAZING!PHENOMENAL! Best movie I’ve seen since the 1st Matrix. Where you come out of it going, “Wow! I wanna be the Batman! I wanna have a Batmobile! I want the cool toys! I wanna go all kung-fu and kick ass!” Thankfully it didn’t have too many stupid mushy romantic scenes which just makes my stomach curl up and gag.

I hated Spiderman2 because he’s an idiot to keep pinning away after Mary Jane… get the freak over her and MOVE ON! GAH! I hated the last installment. I felt like I wanted to punch Al & Miles. Bring on more action not stupid Peter Parker feeling sorry for himself because some chick won’t jump his bones. Hell, there were tones of other women screamn’ for him. Pick one of those! I just don’t get it. Stupid, just plain stupid… but I’m sure they needed to market it towards the women which pisses me off. Stupid women.

I’m a woman, but I dunno, I hate chick flicks and sappy movies… they just make me gag. If it’s well done I don’t mind, but I haven’t seen one of those in forever. Last chick flick I liked was “Titanic”… I think… oh ya, and “Ever After”. If I’m feeling especially cranky I like to watch Ever After cuz then I can watch it with the kids. It’s fairy tale, but at least Drew Barrymore kicks ass and doesn’t just sit there and say, “Oh, oh, poor me.” She picks up a sword and kicks ass. She has guts, she says what’s on her mind and doesn’t take any prisoners. I like that. Women that don’t stick up for themselves drive me crazy and make me angry. I just feel like slapping them.

Even some of my friends, whine that their husbands don’t do this or that…
“well, did you tell him how you feel? Did you tell him how he hurts your feelings?”
uhh…no.. ”
Well then how the hell are they suppose to know if you don’t tell them! They are not mind readers!”
Duh! It’s not rocket science people. I’m not the smartest apple on the tree and I’ve figured that one out. *I have no patience with people that don’t speak their mind.*

ANYWAY…I loved the Batman, because they kept the stupid love blah blah to a minimum and instead focused on him and working through his fear and anger. Maybe I just related to the Batman that’s why I love it so much. I loved it! I saw it on the IMAX and it was amazing. I felt like I was IN the movie. Just wonderful. It was funny, sad, had awesome action, drama, and made you think. I just thought it was incredible.

I’m going to take my kids to see it. They might be a little young, but they’ve seen both Spiderman’s so I’m sure they can deal with it. Laura is 7 and Josh is 4. It’s not too scary so I think they’ll be fine…. hmm…well, maybe they can close their eyes and peek with one eye open when the people have their nightmares…and if they have problems with it.. ah well.. that’s what counseling is for… lol.. “my mom took me to see batman cuz I begged her everyday and I got scared, even though she told me it was scary. Now I’m 20 and I still pee my pants when I dream of zombies attacking..” *sigh* I’m such a bad mother.

Anyway, back to ranting about’ my husband… so we’re driving back from seeing the Batman and I start talking to him and telling him how I really feel. It’s hard to open my heart up to him especially since I’ve been so closed off and protective of what’s really been bothering me. I just put everything out on the table and tried to explain what I was going through. He listened quietly and let me say my peace, which is what I also love about him because he always listens and doesn’t interrupt. I know he was listening to me intently and not just staring off into the darkened black road we were heading down.

I told him that I didn’t trust him. There have been affairs running rampant out here and they have affected like 8 couples that I know in the past year. That’s 30+ kids whose lives have been given a jolt because one of their parents couldn’t keep their pants on and go to counseling or talk to their spouse about what’s troubling them. Idiots. But I’m still on edge and it makes me suspicious of him. Even though that’s stupid and in my head, I just don’t want to be a stat.

Ryan doesn’t come home early anymore. His version of early is 7pm. Lately it’s been 8, 9, 10, 11pm before he finally graces us with his presence…actually ever since we got back from the Philippines he’s been coming home that late. It makes me suspicious, but he’s always got a good reason/excuse. In my heart of hearts I don’t want to think that’s he’s cheating, but honestly how long can you really work out in the evening? I don’t think that he would cheat, but who knows?

I’ve told him that if he does cheat and I do find out I’m going to drug him with the date-rape drug, then beat him with the cast iron frying pan. Then I would castrate him.. LOL.. I went into detail on how it’s done. I use to help my mother do it all the time at the farm to the animals so I actually do know. It makes him squeamish…lol… sadistic, evil… yep, that’s why I always say, I’m the nicest, most generous person, just don’t make me mad. You wouldn’t like it when I get mad.

Anyway, so I’m pouring my heart out, but I don’t know if I turned the light on. It’s still dim in his house. He didn’t get it. He just said : paraphrasing and then interpreting it as I heard it: sucks to be me if I don’t let anyone in all the way. It’s no way to live and I shouldn’t do that. *DUH* I know that, but I’m trying hard to change that and that’s why I opened up to him. Anyway, he shut me down a few more times by his little asinine comments and the needles that flew out from his mouth. It hurt my feelings so I stopped and clink, clink up went a few more bricks.

*sigh* and the evening started out so good…
and in typical Ryan fashion he says, “I’m tired of talking, I want to go to bed. Are you done?”
uhh… no…
“oh” Big sigh.
forget it.
“What? what did I say?”
More like what you didn’t say dumbass! I thought it, but I didn’t say it. What’s the use of starting an argument now.
I went downstairs once we got home and drowned myself in my DTS pages until the wee hours of the morning when the ache had been pushed down far enough that it wouldn’t come up to slap me in the face repeatedly.

Bleary eyed and exhausted I passed out once my head hit the pillow. Everything has been pushed down into the hollow pit of my heart. I can now sleep…

I can see why people say they fell out of love. It takes work and if people don’t connect on an emotional level, it just dies. Physically we are doing fine. I’ll usually always put out. Very rarely do I say no… hence the 4 kids in 8 years. I’m of the opinion of like hey if I’m not in the mood: help yourself, I’m yours for the taking. If I’m sleeping just roll me over and go nuts, I’ll wake up. Of late I want it more often than he does. Baby come on over…Ahh.. the glory of being 30. He connects on the physical level, but I connect on the emotional level and my emotional needs and wants are not being met right now.

Intelligence is a real turn on for me, as is good looks, but I feel like the rose colored glasses were on so thickly that I thought he was the smartest, hottest guy around that I couldn’t take them off for a sec to realize that he’s blowing smoke. Smoke n’ mirrors, smoke n’ mirrors. I’m tired, sad and disgruntled… and I’m being bitchy.. but hey at least I’m a skinny bitch. hahaha.. our friend Guy who’s French calls me a “skinny bitch” with his thick French accent and I think that’s just hilarious. Cuz well… it’s true. I can be a bitch, don’t get me mad… hell hath no wrath like me… It’s the German in me… brings out the Hitler side.

*sigh* I have more issues than Rolling Stone magazine.

I hate these damn pink flowers on this border. I love lilies, but I hate pink. The pink is driving me nuts. Why can’t they be red, or white? I want to go back to school and learn all about computers, web design, etc. I think it would be interesting and I just want to know everything about it so I don’t have to screw around for hours at a time trying to figure something out. It makes me so annoyed that I can’t just read a book and retain all the info I read just like Will on Good Will Hunting. I swear I’m getting Alzheimer’s. I can’t remember anything to save my life. The more kids I have the stupider I get. I swear, they suck brain cells from me.

And another thing damnit! I’ve had 4 kids and I’m not fat, I’m about 10 lbs. heavier than I was when I was 20. I was 113lbs at 20 now at 30 I’m 123. I was 119lbs when I came back from the Philippines, but I keep baking those damn cookies. damn them and all their sugar! Whatever I still look good in my little red dress. I just need to get out and walk more and tone up. That and Mya is only 9 months old. I know I’ll lose it and be back down to 115lbs.

I want to start running again. I feel so free when I run. You run your heart out and push yourself till your body is screaming for relief… it’s such a great rush. A friend of mine is training for a marathon and I would love to join her, once Mya stops nursing I’m going to start training.

People are always amazed when they see that I have 4 kids…
“Are they all yours?”
No, I just picked up a couple because I like changing stinky diapers for fun, having snotty shirts, doing lots of laundry and having my house destroyed on a daily basis you moron.
*sigh* but unfortunately I don’t say that… instead I just snark,
“ya, my husband keeps knocking me up… ya know the pull out and pray method doesn’t work very well.”
hehe.. which I so enjoy saying cuz I get the funniest reactions sometimes… especially from the old ladies… ha. The look on their faces is priceless… ah… all for the shock value…

Another time I was at the park and this lady asked me how I liked having a day care.
“Oh no, these are all mine!,” I reply.
“Really! You don’t look like you could have 4 kids. You don’t look like a mom”
Why? Cuz I’m not fat? What the hell does that mean? Is there some sort of mommy mold you’re suppose to jump into when you have kids? Am I suppose to wear frumpy clothes and walk around with wicked witch of the east hair?
I’ve gotten that a few times and quite frankly it annoys the hell out of me. I don’t know why. I haven’t sat down to process that one yet.

When we went to the Batman movie I brought Mya cuz I’m still nursing her so I can’t leave her with the baby sitter. So we go to sit down and people around us give us dirty looks and some even moved. I felt like saying bite me! I turned to the people beside me who were staring at me and said, “Don’t worry, she won’t say a word during the movie. She’ll fall asleep, she’s use to loud noises at home. We’ve been taking her to the movies since she was 1 week old. I wouldn’t be here if I thought she would even whimper.” To which they smiled and nodded. I’m sure they were thinking, “bitch, for ruining the movie.” Well, once the movie started she was instantly out and sleeping. Even through the booms, crashes and explosions. Didn’t peep or utter a word. The lights go up at the end of the movie and people all around us say surprisingly..
“wow, we didn’t even hear your baby!”
“She didn’t even cry!”
“I forgot you even brought a baby!”
To which I’d snark: Ya, I dipped her soother in Vodka so she’d pass out.
ha, that always gets a good reaction too.

Idiots. This world is filled with idiots. There’s just too many of them. They are taking over and for some reason I keep running into them. *sigh*

I feel darkness creeping in. I need to snap out of it before I turn into Darth Vader…. then again… that is a good idea…

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I’ve realized something….

I’ve unfortunately inherited my off key voice from my mother.

So my brother Anthony calls and asks her to buy him a karaoke microphone. Of course when we get home she decides to try it out.

My cousins and I are all there hangin out so we decided to go a few rounds on this thing to test it out. I go sing 3 songs and yes I admit I can’t sing to save my life! Especially since I was singing “I’m too sexy,” “mamma mia.” “Can’t Touch This,” & “I love Rock n’ Roll” … ok.. so I think I sang a few more… I admit, It’s addictive and I kept trying but to no avail I still SUCKED from song 1 to song 6 … 6 songs I think I made my cousins endure, but I think I made up for my singing by my MC HAMMER moves cuz I can definitely grove like HAMMER!!! Never mind that I have CRD (Caucasian rhythm disorder).

So my cousins get on and brother-in-laws.. well.. lets just say it was laughable as well.. they are no better than me..

Well of course then my MOTHER decides to get on and bust a few rhymes.

HOLY HILARIOUS! I’ve never laughed and been purely annoyed, bugged, irate and flustered in my life! She proceeded to start off at 8:30pm with Brian Adams “Everything I Do.” She then goes through all of ABBA’s songs, Tom Jones and other Oldies that she liked….

I think I’m going to send hate mail to Tom Jones and ABBA for writing so many damn songs! Seriously! Did they have to do so many?!?

My mother’s singing is worse than nails on chalkboard. So she’s singing ABBA’s Mamma Mia. She’s 1/2 way through and she pauses and says, “Oh, Well.. NOW I’m off tune!”

“NOW?!? Mother you weren’t on tune to begin with!!!” I snipe.

She ignores me and keeps singing song after song after song after song completely off tune. She drove everyone out of the room! My cousins left and I retreated to my room which was of little avail because the room she’s howling in is the next room. *SIGH*

I tried to put Mya to sleep cuz she was so tired but the cow shrieking, chicken squawking/cat howling/ bat singing, frog execution going on in the next room kept waking her up.

I suppose my only consolation is that she bought this for Anthony and he only lives one block away from her.. so I’m sure she can grace his many parties with her “lovely” singing voice or go over whenever she feels like getting down and killing a cat.

And just when I thought my mother was bad my GRANDMOTHER tuned in for a few rounds… WOW!!! All I have to say is WOW!! Someone was slowly butchering a dog.. a cocker spaniel.. or a Weiner dog….or a poodle… dogs all over the Philippines were howling along with them.

Finally after 2 torturing hours I was able to put a stop to the singing by telling them that my ears were bleeding…err.. I mean that It was late and we needed to get sleep so we could go to the ocean tomorrow.

Finally I had peace and shortly thereafter my ears stopped ringing.

May 27, 2005 Friday.

Today we went down to the ocean again in Rosario. We had a BBQ at some resort. It was nice. The sand was crazy hot, we went down to the ocean and swam in the water. It was warm, but not as clear. When I asked my cousins why they said it was because there is a lot of sewage dumping in the ocean and the ocean used to be clear but not so anymore…. so after hearing that I quickly got out of the ocean grabbed the kids and went and got something to eat. After eating just rice and salad (I’m losing weight here it’s fabulous! I recommend the rice and nothing else diet.) They had fresh muscles and clams from the ocean, but after hearing the talk about the sewage dumping I wasn’t in the mood. They also had sea weed, burned goat, BBQ pork, beef steak(brought out way to late, after lunch was over) and a Filippino veggies like bitter melon and okra which I don’t like. I’m so sick of flip food, I just want to go home and cook my own food. Some gay dude the next picnic table area over kept singing Madonna songs and it churned my stomach and brought nightmares from yesterday back. I just lost my appetite.

So the cousins, kids and I decided to hit the pool at the resort. They had a big one and a kiddy one. There was no one there but us, so we had tones of fun! They brought along inflatable whales, dinosaurs and kiddy stuff to keep us laughing and having a great time. We spent the rest of the day there and it was so nice! After I played in the water for an hour I figured everyone was pissn’ in the pool and I should get out so I slept on the lawn chairs and desperately tried to get a tan before heading home. The kids splashed and played hard in the pool with their cousins, aunts and uncles. It was nice and relaxing.

After spending the day there we went to get another massage for Mya and me with John’s (Florence husband) grandparents. It was so nice, I finally had a massage for the first time and loved it. She totally fixed my left sore shoulder. It no longer hurt.. stupid me forgot to get my right shoulder fixed, I was so happy that my left one was not hurting anymore *sigh* Duh.. I just blanked out. Well, I like massages given by her because she doesn’t push so hard that it hurts… I just don’t understand why people always feel the need to push your muscles so hard that it’s like they are trying to go right through your body with their hands. Well, this woman was simply wonderful and relaxing.

The next couple days were spent packing and seriously counting down the hours and minutes until I could go home. I am just so ready to go home and I’m sooo sick of my mother. I swear I am never going to go on another vacation with my mother again for the rest of my life. AND when she is old and needs to be taken care of I’m sending her to an old age retirement home.. and a 60 minutes home at that! WOW. lol… just kidding… only 1/2… ok… I’m not kidding.. I’m dead serious! She is driving me crazy.

We went to Manila on Sunday it takes 6 hours to get there and we went shopping at Tutuban on Monday May 30. WOW…. good shopping. I was able to buy shirts for the kids for $50 pesos like $1!!! Of course everything that was one size fits all just fit Laura again so I got her lots of cool shirts like Banana Republic, Tommy Hilfiger, Gap, etc. I bought the most fabulous shoes for Laura and myself and I shopped for Ryan and the boys. It was a shopping day. I can’t really say fun because I was so stressed over the noise and trying to keep tabs on all the kids, but I got to shop and I love to shop and I loved to shop because everything was so cheap in price yet such wonderful stuff so it was enjoyable. Would’ve been better if Ryan were there because I like to get his opinion on things.

So the next day Tuesday May 31 I wanted to go to the mall, but my aunt would not let me go so I got Grace to bring me to the mall. We told my aunt we were going to go to the market to get Brandon a leash because I lost mine when I got to the Philippines. So instead of taking me to the market she took me to the SM Mall…. Seriously I LOVE this mall.. I wish there were malls like that here. It was wonderful. I got to ride a motorbike with a cab extension on it and a jeepnee to get there. It was so much fun!! I quickly shopped around got all the final things I wanted and then headed back. I talked to my aunt to make sure Grace wouldn’t get in trouble by telling her I couldn’t find the leash at the market so I made her take me to the mall. She looked at me disapprovingly but I really could’ve careless I just didn’t want Grace to get into trouble. I’m just so proud of myself for coming up with a great excuse for going to the mall. hehe.. I’m so sneaky.

Laura didn’t want to leave the Philippines. She was begging, pleading and whining at me to stay for another month.
When I told her no, she said, “ok, how about for another week?”
“no”
“ok.. 5 days! just 5 days!?!”….
“no”(I’m seriously in trouble when my kid gets to be a teenager her bargain skills are developing quite well.)
“3 days?….
I just look at her….
“ok.. one?” ..
I said, “Laura, if you want you can stay, but for me and the boys and Mya we are going back to Canada.”….
“ok.. fine… I’ll come too.” pout pout…
lol….

Josh on the other hand was so excited.. “are we leaving to the airport yet? Are we going home yet? How much longer till we go home? Is that a long time or a short time? Are we leaving now? No? ok… how about now? Now?” He did want to take one of the nannies with us though… “I want to take James back home with us! Can we just put him in our luggage?” I said, “well, where will he stay?” “Oh he can sleep with me and Brandon in our bed in my room.” He’s so funny that kid. He had lots of fun with James and James is really funny. They got along together so well that he was sad to leave James behind.

Well, then we packed up said our goodbyes and they drove us to the airport. The airport in Manila is crazy we went through 3 baggage scans before we got to the plane. We had to wait for 3 hours to get through the lines at the airport and we made it there with 10 minutes to spare before the plane took off. I let the kid’s race around the airport during the 3 hours so by the time we got on the plane they were tired. THANKFULLY my mother was seated 3 rows ahead of us so she couldn’t inject her two bit opinion on how I was raising the kids. It was just me and the kids the whole way home to Vancouver and it was nice. However, Laura threw up on the plane again. She wasn’t feeling very good the poor girl. This time she threw up all over the seat, blanket, pillow and floor. Yikes! We were almost to Canada only 1 more hour left. Every time I thought about landing in Canada and going home I had tears in my eyes. I missed home. I missed Ryan. I missed my friends and I missed normal food.

Once in Vancouver we had to go through customs and my mother managed to piss off the customs guy. He was only able to ask me 2 questions 1. when did I leave, and 2. why my husband wasn’t with me. The rest of the time I was distracted with the kids or my mother interrupted him. The kids were wired and were feeling quite mischievous. Well Josh and Brandon were. Laura was still not feeling very good. My mother kept trying to butt in and inject her to bit opinions and try to answer my questions for me and she wouldn’t stay behind the yellow line like they told her to.. she was just plain annoying… I was getting so sick of her and it took every fiber in my being to ignore her and not snap. After we got our bags the air Canada guy got pissed off at her as well because she wouldn’t stay behind the yellow line and she had brought 2 extra bags with her and not paid for them. She just bribed the guy at the Philippine airlines to let her on with the extra baggage. So after 15 minutes of arguing with the guy she finally fesses up and he gets so pissed off he rips off all our baggage tags and yells at her. He then made her pay $25 for each additional box. I just walked away. I pretended not to know her and I took the kids to the bathroom. When I got back he had thankfully sent her out. She was standing at the glass exit doors and banging on the glass waving and yelling to me that she was there.. I just pretended not to notice and shook my head.. the air Canada guy just smiles and snarks, “I got rid of your mother for you!”
“Thank you so very much! You just made my day!” I said.

I walked out to the exit, said a brief goodbye to my mother and left to catch our flight to Calgary. I was so tired and exhausted. The kids were towing the rolling carry ons and I had Mya strapped to me in the baby backpack and I had Brandon on a leash and he insisted on towing a rolling luggage. We looked like a bunch of drunk ducks waddling in and out around the airport. Everyone chuckled, cooed, smiled, and stared in disbelief at us. Mya was having a great time smiling and kicking her feet and waving her hands at everyone. Everyone said, “Is your husband here to help you?” and when I said no we were on our way to meet him they would say, “Wow! You’re so brave to take 4 kids all by yourself.”
To which I’d retort.. “I think the word I’m thinking of is stupidity…It’s not brave it’s just stupid. I wasn’t thinking properly when I thought this over. My hamster is not turning as well as it should be!”
People were so nice, letting us go through or ahead of them and getting a kick out of the kids because all of a sudden they got new energy, Laura was feeling better and the boys were ecstatic to go on yet another plane and Brandon felt the need to scream “Plane, plane” at the top of his lungs to let everyone know that yes indeed there are planes parked at the airport.

I kept looking around to see if Tom Welling was there and I could have a Tom Welling Experience and get a picture, autograph, a hug, and his shirt… lol.. but unfortunately for me… I was not able to see him at the airport. *sigh*

Well, they slept the whole way to Calgary. They were so exhausted and so was I. I was definitely in need of some rest. I was so excited when the plane touched down in Calgary I almost kneeled down on the floor and kissed the ground… there’s no place like home…. click click… there’s no place like home… I was tearing up just thinking of seeing Ryan, the newly painted house and being able to be back home… back to the familiar.. back to my awesome soft inviting bed…..back to reality…

….*sigh* fortunately and unfortunately back to reality… My day dream thoughts of me running into Ryan’s arms abruptly came to a halt when I saw the hairy person in front of me open up arms and say, “Hi guys welcome back!”
Whaaa???? What the hell happened to your face???
Yes, Ryan decided to grow a beard while we were away… and then come to the airport with it expecting me to love it… *sigh* and I thought that after 11 years of knowing each other that he knew me better… I hate beards…When we got home he went straight upstairs and shaved and that was the end of that. He said guys at work were taking bets as to how long it would take for me to have him shave it off. I told him that if I knew exactly which luggage contained my razor I would make him go into the bathroom right now and shave it off.

Well, then we went to collect our luggage. Now the Calgary airport has a Drumheller Dinosaur exhibit up with a bunch of dinosaurs ripping through and eating up luggage and clothes… well, when I saw it I said to Laura, “Oh no! I can’t believe it! Did you see that! All the dinosaurs went through our luggage and ripped everything open! OH great now we are going to have to go through and try to find our stuff! Laura do you see any of your clothes in there?” LMAO!!! She fell for it and went over to take a look. “oh no! I don’t know I’ll check!” After a few moments she said, “no I don’t think my clothes are in here.” I just cracked up laughing… “Mommeeee! Quit tricking me!” lol

So I’ve been pulling Vampire hours. I’m up all night long and I’m sleepy during the day. I’m having a hard time adjusting to the time difference. Laura was up and went to school right the next day. She came home and crashed but she was excited to go to school now that she was back home. I would drag my sorry butt out of bed and take her to school late… like noonish.. but hey at least she got there for a few hours…

I’m probably in a better mood now than when I came home. I came home to find out that instead of concentrating on painting (like he was suppose to and like he promised) Ryan had been interior decorating by bringing in these ugly couches he got from his parents into the house and cluttering up the room with a crap load of furniture and end tables… you couldn’t even move. It looked awful.” But they are comfortable” was his argument. I was not impressed. They stink too. It smelled like canned tuna, old people and a bunch of farts. He has to move that stuff out and bring back the black leather furniture. So I decided to take comfort in the fact that everything would be painted….The basement wasn’t painted and neither were the bathrooms or bedrooms… again I wasn’t impressed. I was so upset that I didn’t even freak out, (I was a dead calm. That’s always a bad sign) I just went upstairs and took solace in the comfort of my bed and fell into an immediate deep sleep…. over the next 4 days I had to “De-Ampy”. I was a raging b*tch until I was able to calm down and settle.

Now I’m fine, back to being silly me still trying to adjust to the time change. All in all I’m glad to be back and I’m glad to be home. I now understand why there are wars over homeland and why people miss their country and have true patriotism and love for their country. I really missed Canada, I love the culture of the Philippines, I love my cousins, I had a great time, but I was glad oh so glad to be back…. There really is no place like home.

May 25, 2005

So Laura and I are sitting at the table talking and I say to her that when we get back to Canada I’m going to teach her how to make some chocolate chip cookies.
She says, “Why do I have to learn?”
I said, “Well, so you can learn how to bake and cook.”
She says, “I don’t have to know how to cook.”
I said, “Why not.”
She just shrugs and smiles.
I look at her and say, “Well, Laura when you move out of the house one day and get married you’ll have to cook for your family.”
She looks me straight in the eye and says, “no I don’t, my husband will cook.”
I smiled and said, “ok.. well, what if your husband is at work, then what will you do for lunch?”
She says dead serious, “I’ll have my nanny cook for me.”
I said, “Well, what if the nanny is taking care of the kids, then what will you do?”
She says, still serious, “Well, I’ll have my housekeeper do it.”
YIKES!!!!
“Well Laura,” I said, “I sure hope you marry someone very, very rich.”
She just smiles coyly.
*sigh* this trip has not been a wake up call for my daughter like I had hoped.
Instead she sees that all my cousins have nannies that take care of their children, clean their houses, do their laundry and make dinner for them. So now she thinks the world works like that. My cousins do live a charmed life. If they want something they will usually send someone to do it for them or get it for them. My aunt has 3 houses out here, so since we are here for most of our trip and we’ve only gone down to the poor regions twice while we were here I don’t think she realizes most of the people here are poor. I try to tell her that and point out the rickety houses as we drive around, but that’s just not sinking in. I guess it’s kind of hard to see that as we drive around in a 2005 Nissan Patrol with leather seats and air conditioning. All my cousins drive vehicles that have leather seats and tricked out vehicles. *sigh*

I miss Ryan and so do the kids. The only one that wants to stay longer is Laura. That little princess of mine likes being pampered and she has been enjoying not having to do chores or having to go to school. She asked if we could stay for another month. Joshua has been asking to go home ever since Ryan has left. Everyday he asks if we are going back to Canada today. He’s really excited to go back to school and hang out with friends and see his daddy. Brandon and Mya don’t give a rip where we are as long as they are with me.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening here. I have been packing for home now. I’ve been going to the market to get last minute things and just making sure I have everything ready to go. I am relieved to go home. I’m finally done… I’m done living with my mother. She’s driving me crazy and I’m sure we are driving her crazy as well. It’s time to go back. I love the country and I still love being here and I love hanging out with my cousins, but next time we come we’ll plan the itinerary and our entourage can come with us if they want to or not. One thing I am tired of is every freakn’ time we have to go somewhere we always have an entourage of people with us. We are driving around in a vehicle that seats 5 with 10 people piled on each other injun style.. except now I’m calling it Flip style. I feel like I’m playing that game we played in high school for fun called stuff a bug. Where you try and fit as many people in a car as possible. If we take the patrol that can hold 9 people we are squishing 15 or 16 people in. Seriously.. I’m done…

I swear with Mya I feel like I’m being chased by fans, it’s so annoying. I walk around with Mya and everyone surrounds me and is cooing over Mya and wants to hold her, “Hi Mya, Hi Mya.” It’s driving me crazy. I always try to pass her off as quickly as I can so I can get some space. For some reason people think babies are blind and deaf and they need to be inches away from her face to coo at her. If she freaks out then I’m left to people encircling me and touching her and saying, “Hi Mya.” over and over and over again… seriously it’s driving me nuts. Even when I go to walk away, I’m followed by people.. “awww, Hi Mya.” like they can’t say anything else. I’ve snapped a few times and have said, “ok that’s enough” and went to hide out in the bathroom until they found something else to do. Nuts I tell ya NUTS! Sure it’s sweet, but like I said before… done.. I’m done… I could never be a celebrity.. I’d go batty at the constant attention. I’d be one of the celebrities that snap and beat the tar out of people taking pictures of them or something.

Anyway, this will probably be my last email. Today is Thursday here, on Friday we go down to the ocean again, Saturday we go to Manila. It takes about 6 hours so when we get there it will be night. Sunday my aunt is taking us sight seeing to Cohoridor.. it’s some island with a nice beach and a war museum. Monday will be spent going to Tutuban it’s this really cheap place to buy clothes. This is where all the remainder of my money will be spent. Tuesday we will be finishing up packing all the stuff I bought and go to the airport.

Our flight leaves at 5:00pm on Tuesday May 31. We will be arriving in Calgary I think 5:00pm I’m not sure on the time on Tuesday May 31. We gain a day coming back home. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me that I’ll be able to make it through 3 airports with 4 kids. I’ve lost my leash so I’m still trying to find a small dog leash to tie onto Brandon so he doesn’t wander off. I am only taking 2 carryons. One for Laura filled with snacks, toys and books and one for me filled with diapers and extra clothes for the kids. I’ve had tones of fun here and I’ve loved hanging out with my cousins and I’ve loved the shopping, the site seeing and the ocean. I’d recommend visiting the Philippines. It’s great! I’d love to visit here every year if I could, but for now I’m set to go home and get back to the daily grind of life.

so I love ya all! I’ll see you when I see you and talk to you when I get back! Hugs to all!
Love, jo

p.s. tell Ryan he only has a few more days to finish the painting before his crazy family comes back to turn his world upside down again. Enjoy the peace and quiet for a few more days till the Lee kids and the Nazi wife gets back.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Hello to all!

The Philippines consists of 7101 Islands. We left Baguio and traveled north to Vigan City in Illocos(the Province). We crossed 2 Islands to get there. It was amazing. The Pacific ocean stretched out on the side. We crossed over bridges to get across rivers in order to get to the other island.

The roads are crazy here and it is very bumpy. I am hanging on to the HOLY SH*T bars for dear life. It’s a wild ride, because they all drive like a bat out of hell here. There are no real traffic rules and the speed limit is only determined by how fast your vehicle can go. As we were driving Josh threw up in the vehicle so when we stopped in San Fernando to clean up, have lunch and buy some Gravol.

We checked out my Aunt’s Silver Store locations she had in the mall. My brother in law purchased some Gravol for my kids so they wouldn’t throw up again… well…before we left Canada I went to see the Dr and asked him about giving the kids Gravol. He said I need to test it out first because it will either have a calming effect on them or else make them go crazy hyper… well, we tried it on Brandon( who is 2) before we left and he was normal to calm… so I thought Laura(7 years old) and Josh(4 years old) would be the same… Not so…They were flying high and crazy!!!. Yikes!!! They were HIGH!!! Flying high as kites. They were so hyper and laughing like crazy. Any word you said they were killing themselves laughing. It was just nuts. I couldn’t even control Laura. I was able to distract them by singing songs, but they just were crazy for 2 hours until the stuff slowly wore off… HOLY!!! No gravol for them, 2 hours with 2 crazy hyper kids in the back of a Nissan Patrol is not my idea of fun. It was funny for a while until they started to attack each other like rabid dogs…

Their cemeteries are interesting. They don’t bury the dead, they just put the dead in cement coffins that are all in a row or they stack the dead in cement coffins in their graveyard with headstones… so I was teasing my aunt saying, “so what they don’t bury them so they can go over and remove the cover and chat with the decomposing corpse if they want?!” And she said, YES!!!!! She was serious! She said that after a year or more once the corpse has fully decomposed they will place another body in there if another family member dies!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about recycling!!! Some of the coffins have houses built over top of them. I didn’t take a picture, but I’ll take one. I guess it’s the same all over the Philippines. Interesting…. Brings to light the horror movies of dead people coming to life and coming out of their graves a whole new meaning now! Yikes!

Vigan City is HOT because it is down from the mountain. It is so very very hot. +40C. We were sweating to death!

Well, while we were there we toured some Catholic museum or old cathedral. they had mannequins of their old Bishops and Cardinals. After we took a Kalesa ride which is a carriage pulled by a horse. It was awesome! Amazing! I loved it and so did the kids. The driver took us to a clay making place where they made a couple of clay pots in front of us. The pots were gorgeous, but the ones I wanted to bring home were of course the most expensive ones with the beautiful engraving on the side and they were huge! So I don’t know how I would fit it on the plane or take it home from Vigan city even. There would be no room in the patrol.

Oh… hey a side note. Here are some Filipino words that I think are amusing… I think earlier I mentioned Asso was a DOG.. well, I found out that the Filipino word for CAT is : Pussa… So in a sentence you could say..
The Asso chased the pussa… …. ya.. you can go where ever you want with that but you know what I’m thinking……. anyway.. on with my story..

So then we went to this zoo… it’s the home of the Governor of Illocos. He is corrupt and does all kinds of back handed and illegal gambling and all kinds of blah blah blah that I don’t really care about, but anyway the point is the dude is crooked rich. He has his own petting zoo that he opens up to the public. This was the most amazing zoo I have been to in my entire life. If all zoos could be like this I would be so happy. Then I’d go to the zoo all the time. The tigers were in their cages, but the cages were not that big so you could really get a good view of them. They were close enough to the edge that you could pet one if you stuck your hand into the cage. I didn’t. I’m just not that brave.

I was able to hold a 6 month old baby orangutan monkey. It was amazing! I have never held a monkey before. She was so sweet. She clung onto me for dear life and didn’t want to let go. I felt so bad for the monkeys because they looked so sad. There were little black monkeys that were so small. They reached up and grabbed Laura’s camera. It was so cute! We saw parrots, wild boars and lizards. They were all in their cages. The ostriches were out of their cages and you could pet them. They also gave free horse and carriage rides. The kids went on a ride two times. It was so much fun. We got to pet the horses and the goats. The zoo keeper was saying that the Governor just purchased a couple of elephants from Thailand for $120,000 US. Since he only makes 100,000 to 200,000 pesos a year ya you can totally tell the guy is doing side deals.

We also saw Kaa the Boa Constrictor snake. The snake had a huge bulge in this tummy so they must have just fed him something. I pointed it out to Josh and told him that’s what happens to little kids who don’t obey their mother. ha-ha… ya, I was trying to scare the kid into listening to me, but I’m not sure he believed me since I always tease him. … but maybe….hopefully….

After we left and rode the horse and buggy back to our vehicle it only took us 10 minutes to get back, but Josh and Brandon both fell asleep. We went back the same night and were not able to stay unfortunately. Next time we come back here I want to go there because they have white sandy beaches and I love hanging out by the ocean.

So that was our day. It was lots of fun. My mom bought rice cake that was cooked in bamboo. It was interesting.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful day! Hugs and kisses to all!

Love, jo

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

ok, I’m 5′3 1/2 (yes, I have to get the 1/2 in!) and I’m 119lbs (I just had a baby 8 months ago, it’s taking me awhile to lose Mya’s house so shut up)… people here are miniatures and they are so tiny… I’m a hippo over here! I go into try out clothes, and they have gorgeous amazing clothes here. They get all the styles here first before we get them at home probably because everything is made out here in Asia. Anyway, I go to try on a medium and it is small. I go to try a large and I look like a hoochie mama! It is quite tight! And they usually only have small or medium… Like Laura’ s size is what the average size is out here. It’s crazy and makes me cranky cuz it makes shopping more difficult. *sigh* The shoes here… oh my.. it makes my heart skip a beat… unfortunately or fortunately (depends on if you are looking at it from my side or Ryan’s ) I have stupid feet so it’s hard to find shoes, but I’m having more luck here than at home. The shopping is just fabulous! The coolest clothes! And they are all arranged according to color. It’s just wild. I’m seriously in shopping heaven! I just got 40 DVD’s for like $70 CND. Wow! ya, they are jacked but it’s just still amazing quality! Don’t tell Officer Rausch!

I’m going to try to bring back a case of mangos fresh off the tree. They are seriously amazing! So wish me luck crossing customs. If they throw my ass in jail… raise bail money.. ha-ha

Well, today I had a facial… I’ve never had one of these and oh my gosh, I’m hooked! It cost me $350 pesos which is like$8 CND. For one hour I had a wonderful face massage and exfoliation… she ended with a backrub, neck rub and scalp rub… most of you know I hate massages so the back rub and neck rub were tolerable, but the scalp massage… sheesh! I felt like she was checking to see if I was wearing a wig and she was trying to yank it off my head… I almost snapped… yes, my hair is real! Quit pulling… but it was still awesome… man, I am definitely going to get another one. This can be addicting. My skin felt so fresh and free and smooth and like it was breathing for the first time since I was a baby… wow… I definitely recommend the facial.

Nothing major is happening, except that Josh fell off the couch in the living room at night and busted his lip really bad and hurt his chin, nose and 1/2 of his face. He’s ok though, his lip is really busted up quite bad, but he’ll live *sigh* just rack that one up to bad parenting..

I need to stop having kids. The kids wouldn’t settle down last night so I separated all 3 of them Brandon in my bed, Laura in their room in the bed and Josh on the couch in the living room. I meant to put him in his bed after he fell asleep except I fell asleep before he did. So he fell on the tile floor and cut his lip *sigh* Poor kid. He’s going to be ok, but I just feel bad for making him sleep there, I just didn’t know what else to do to calm them down.

Well.. that’s about it for today, I’ve gotta run, they are waiting to use the computer.

Love ya! Joanne

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Yesterday we went down to Rosario and had apple mangos. I used to hate mangos in Canada, but oh my gosh, here they are amazing! They are so sweet and have an amazing taste! I ate a mango that was ripened on the tree. So delicious!

Mya had a baby massage by an 85 year old Grandma of Florence’s husband. She is the cutest little old lady! Mya absolutely loved it! She was smiling and enjoying the massage. I was going ride a water buffalo but it started to pour… Next time!

We went down to Amlang to see my Aunty Minda and it was raining. Man I didn’t know that it would still be hot even though it rained. It was +35C. So sticky hot!

Mya has bronchitis so she is quite sick and is throwing up lots of mucus and flem. I constantly go around with snot on my shirt and throw up. It’s just nuts. Mya threw up on me during the day and Brandon threw up on me at night. Nice, they are tag teaming me.

I went to the doctor for Mya. Let’s just say the Medicare system is not like Canada at all. We went to a pediatrician because my cousin Florence was taking her son, so I went along for Mya because she was having trouble breathing and coughing was really mucusy. So we go in and it’s a tiny room, that’s open to everyone and shared with the regular doctor. there was no privacy at all, so I kind of wonder what happens during a physical???!!! hmmm…. Well, so I got a couple of prescriptions for Mya. On our way out I noticed that there were 12 x-rays all in a row all lined up hanging on the rail.

We went to the pharmacy to pick up the medication and they just hand the mediation over the counter. It’s even diluted for you, it’s do it yourself. So I had to mix the meds. They just gave me a cup to give to Mya, not even one of those baby syringes. Amazing. Thankfully I had a Tylenol syringe thing that was brand new and not yet used so I’m using that. It’s just amazing here. It was funny because everywhere I go people stare at me. It can be quite unnerving sometimes. I feel like checking to see if I have a booger coming out of my nose or something… When I went to get to get the medicine I went with John Florence’s husband. Everyone was congratulating him and saying, “Way to go for marrying a beautiful white woman.” ha-ha… sooo funny! He kept telling people oh no no.. she’s just my sister in law. I laughed and told him thank goodness I’m just the sister in law because then he wouldn’t have to deal with my b*tchyness or my Darth Vader psycho side! lol

I was walking down the street an it was just packed with people! Every time I go to mall I feel like I am boxing day shopping cuz the malls are just packed! They have people selling pirated CD’s and DVD’s on the sidewalk. There is a little bakery every 5th store. It’s just amazing! Most of the vehicles that are here are run on diesel so the air can be filled with diesel smoke. Yuck. There’s a bluish haze in the sky sometimes. But it’s starting to rain everyday now. They are coming into rainy season. We have gotten a few gorgeous days of clear skies and you can see the South China Sea from Baguio.

I’m just hanging out, surfing the web and taking it easy now. Not to many big trips are planned now that my “white guapo(handsome)” husband has left. We are going for a facial today and do some shopping!

Well, I hope that it will be nice and warm cuz I’m use to summer weather now. Love you!
Joanne

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

It was so amazing! It was gorgeous! We went to 100 Islands down by Dagoupan and we took this little small skinny boat to one of the Islands. 100 Islands is exactly how it sounds, there are a bunch of small islands all clustered together. Some have sandy beaches and some just have rocky shores. Our boat captain went around until he found us an island with no one else on it. We floated up to the sand and hopped out into the ocean. The water was so clear blue and the sand was a light brown. It was beautiful. We stripped down to our bathing suits and plunged into the water.

It was so warm and amazing. They brought snorkel gear as well and we went snorkeling. We saw the coolest sea crabs, hermit crabs, fish, and sea anemone…. you know the stuff that Nemo hides in. Just simply gorgeous. We just lazed around and dunked my mother a bunch of times. It’s so funny because Ryan will dunk her in like waist high water and she flounders, splashes and sputters around like a floppy fish while screaming, “I can’t swim1 I can’t swim, HELP!!!” We just tell her to put her feet down and stand up. She’s so funny. It’s quite comical. I love the ocean! I just lay on an inner tube and floated out to the ocean. When I got too far out away from the island I just swam back. The kids ran around and picked up seashells off the beach and played in the sand. They also swam around in the water and floated on tubes. The day was hot, gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky with a light breeze blowing. It was sheer paradise. I didn’t want to leave. I could totally live here.

After we went to this restaurant and they had live monkeys in a cage. Their cage was over the water. I felt sorry for them because it must get so hot during the day. We had an awesome dinner. We ate raw milk fish and tones of awesome food! They also had live singers.

We then stayed at this gorgeous leisure coast resort in Dagupan. It had 3 waterslides and an amazing kiddy pool with mini water slides and waterfalls. There was a wave pool, a lazy pool that circled all the other pools and a big main pool. It was gorgeous! We had an amazing room for only 70. We would have paid 175 or more to stay in a place like this in Canada. It was just heavenly….. can I just say that they have amazing TV here! Their cable is phenomenal. Every channel is good! There is no channel that doesn’t suck! We stayed overnight. The room had air conditioning so we slept we comfortably. We had breakfast outdoors in the grass restaurant hut, then we went swimming for the entire day until 2pm.

We went to Agoo where my Grandmother grew up. We watched a teenager climb up a coconut tree and throw down coconuts. We drank fresh coconut milk and ate fresh coconut. It was sooo good! It’s pulp is very sweet and soft not like the dried stuff we have back home.

Then we drove back to Baguio. It’s amazing. I asked my brother-in-law if there were any speed limits. He said no. I asked him if you had to wear seatbelts… nope again. Everyone seriously drives like a bat out of hell!!! It’s SOOOOOOOOO much fun! I feel like I’m constantly on an amusement park ride! It’s just a blast. The only speed limit is determined by how fast your vehicle can go! LOL… Life’s great… but you know for the amount of crazy driving there are no car accidents. no head on collisions no fender benders. I have not seen an accident yet. In Calgary there are at least 10 or more a day. We finally came upon an accident as we were heading back to Baguio. A bus lost it’s brakes as it was coming down the mountain and it crashed into a barrier. It killed 28 people. about 1/2 the people died. But other than that it’s the only accident that I’ve come across and then that’s not even colliding with another car! Amazing. I need to video tape the driving here just so you will understand!

Well, I’m exhausted because I’ve spent the entire day in the sun. I’ve got a tan, Ryan and the kids are a little red. But we’ve had a blast. Ryan doesn’t want to go home. I wish he could stay!

I hope all is well!
Have a smurfalicious, spankalicious day! loves ya! jo

Monday, May 9, 2005

The roosters here are freakn’ stupid! They start crowing at 3:00am. It’s still DARK!!!! Drives me freakn’ CRAZY! It doesn’t get light until 6:00am…. seriously I don’t need to know 3 hours ahead of time that it is going to be daylight soon. The rooster’s crow and then the dogs bark in response and of course the crickets have to get their 2 bits in…. I swear if I was Darth Vader those things would be muted.

We went to the Philippine Military Academy and got to play in a bunch of tanks. We went to Burnham park and we went on a boat ride. There were 12 of us with all my cousins. We were in 2 boats so Ryan decides to moon the other boat filled with my cousins. So funny! Everyone was shocked, but I was laughing so hard. Ryan spanks his butt and shouts, “Who’s your daddy!” lmao! I love it when he does crazy stuff like that. It makes me love him even more! We went to the playground and I swear if the stuff was here in Canada it would be condemned! It’s wild! The monkey bars were all rusted out with huge holes in the bars. Everything was weathered and worn so badly. It’s quite sad because there were so many kids playing and the playground equipment was so trashy. The kids didn’t mind and they played, ran and had lots of fun. It makes you think. Kids don’t care what the surface looks like, they are out to have fun, play and enjoy the day. I bet if more people lived carefree like that this world would be a much friendlier and happier place to live.

I’m going to the ocean. Everyone is freakn’ out and giving me grief to get off the computer so I gotta dash. loves ya jo

Saturday, May 8, 2005

Hi all! I’ll try to recap the last few days. While we were in Manila we went to the Manila temple. It was beautiful! The sprinklers were on so my kids ran shrieking through the sprinklers. It was so funny. They were soaked but the water felt good because it was so hot. About +35C or so. It’s crazy, but I’ve acclimatized to the hot weather. Now when it gets to be +23C I cold! Yikes.

While we were at the temple I lost Brandon’s leash. So now I’ve got to find another one while I am here.

We went to Amlang which is the village that my mom and aunt grew up. It was full of small cement houses and a dirt road. I felt so sad going there because everyone was so poor. My aunty Minda made us dinner. It wasn’t much, but I knew it was the best that she could do. I just felt like crying. It’s amazing the poverty that is in the Philippines. There were people camped out in little tin roofed houses under bridges. The look in these people’s eyes are haunting. They look so sad and lost. It is heart wrenching. I wish there was something I could do. We unloaded our boxes of toys and the kids faces just lit up. It was nice to see that they were getting lots of satisfaction from the toys my kids no longer play with.

While we were there my kids raced around and terrorized their chickens and their chicks to which I had to put a stop to because I didn’t want their little chicks to die of exhaustion from running away from my kids because that is their source of food.

The jeepnees which are open jeeps that they use to transport people around in are quite amazing. They swerve in and out of traffic like crazy and are so colorful. I will take a bunch of pictures of them so I can show you. It’s amazing the art work that they put on them. You know even though people here are so poor, they have incredibly clean cars. I have yet to see a car that is dusty, covered with mud or dirty. They are very clean. They wash their vehicles everyday.

I don’t know if my kids are going to “get it” that people in the Philippines are so poor, because we are staying with my wealthy aunty Belen, she has everything and our accommodations in Baguio are very posh, marble, hardwood, beautiful curtains( we are staying at my Aunty Belen’s hotel). Laura has even made the comment, “Mommy you said people here were poor, but they don’t look poor to me.” I told her that her Aunty was very blessed and she blesses the life of others by providing them with work. When we went to Amlang I hope she understood, but I don’t know. As we travel around I try to point out the poor people that shack up in the tin roofed houses and the children that play in ragged clothes and the small houses, but I don’t know if it is getting through to her.

We have went to Camp John Hay while we were here and played mini golf, we went to this hilarious cemetery that was called the cemetery of negatism. It was quite interesting. We also went to the house where the General of the US Army stayed when they occupied the Philippines. Everything was so beautiful with beautiful gardens and paths and look out points. Unfortunately it is quite foggy here because we are so high up in the mountains.

It is very humid, but I love the humidity. I have not had to use lotion and the kids runny noses have stopped. We also have been going to all my aunts silver shops. She owns 8 in Manila and 6 in Baguio. My cousins also own 4 silver shops as well through out the Philippines. If you want to check out my aunt’s silver you can go to: www.ibaysilvershop.com She has so many beautiful pieces. We went to the store where they make them and watched them make it. It so fascinating that they can get such intimate detail in the jewelry.

We also went to the Market and Ryan and I had a blast buying lots of wood. Oh.. speaking of which Dionne, can you find out how much we can bring back? $$$ wise. I want to know how much I can bring back before I have to start paying duty. I bought cool salad bowls, a naughty stool for the kids and a sunka board for me to play on. I love this game, when I get back I’ll have to teach you because it is a fun game to play.

We also went to the Asin hot springs. The kids had tones of fun splashing in the water that came down from the mountains. Ryan kept dunking my mother in the water it was so funny. She tried to get him back, but she couldn’t dunk him because he is too strong to get into the water. We saw the Native Filippino’s bamboo huts and toured around their village. We were able to see the native dancing and see gorgeous paints. They are $500 we figure to buy one and I don’t want to part with that much cash, but it is sooo beautiful! Simply amazing paintings and drawings. We stopped at other wood carving places and bought a couple of wood things there. It was neat to watch them carve the wood and finish it.

My Uncle Aby let Ryan drive his Nissan 4X4 2005. Ryan has been having a blast because there are really no rules to driving here. It’s like everyone on the road is an ass, but that’s what is expected and you have to be very aggressive here or else you get no where. Everyone here is a crazy driver. I feel like I am in an amusement park ride at Disneyland because of the crazy turns and wild driving. You have to hold on to the “holy sh*t” bars that are in the vehicle or else you get tossed around like a sack of potatoes. It is so much fun and you don’t have to wear seat belts. They are an option so who hoo giddy up!

Well, I’ll talk to ya laters! I’ll update you again. Sorry this is so long, but I’m doing it for my benefit as well cuz I’ll print this out for my journal. Anyway, have a great day! Smooches and hugs to all! Love, jo

I’ve decided to set this up since I am up at all hours of the night and I seem to be able to write without distractions. I’ll go back and recap my trip to the Philippines and then move forward from there.

Thursday, May 5, 2005
Hi Everyone ! this is just to everyone because I don’t have time to write individually.

Can I just say that I’m in heaven??? Yes, I’m in heaven! I’m having the time of my life!

We arrived in Manila with only minor problems.. Laura has a tendency to throw up on the plane when it takes off. and Joshua cries really, really loud when it lands because of ear pressure.

When we got off the plane it was hotter than a monkey’s ass sitting in the sun! We instantly began to sweat… my nose was sweating ! yep that means it’s hot… We spent 3 days in Manila and it was awesome. My aunty Belen has a house in Manila. We had 4 nannies for our kids, Michelle, Rosie, Elana and James. We had all our food cooked for us and they did our laundry every day.. My aunt has air conditioning so we were ok… we spent most of the time in the air conditioning. It is very humid, but can I say that I’m am having the best hair days ever!!!!!!!!!!! I finally have wash and go hair like Christina Hall! I’m so pumped!

I could get use to this help. I need nannies! It was so relaxing… We went to the mall… and.. I am sooo pumped! Everything is sooooo cheap!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m in shopping heaven! For those that know me know that I LOVE LOVE to shop. I’m a shopaholic… but now because everything is so cheap I’m having the time of my life.. Michelle knows the mall inside out and she comes with me to the mall tells me where to go to get what I want, if it’s too expensive or not, or if it’s a good price, shows me where all the shops are… my gosh I have my own personal shopper ! I LOVE her! She’s so amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I’m excited just writing this! I’m going shopping again this afternoon. $1 Canadian dollar gets us $42 pesos.. I got a bunch of American Eagle shirts for 189 pesos.. you do the math.. Ryan got Tommy Hilfiger shirts for 190 pesos… Gap is here, Guess, AE, Tommy, everything.. it’s just amazing! The name brand companies are all here making their clothes by the laborers out here so it hit the shelves without shipping, duty, Canadian taxes etc!1!!!! I’m going to buy all my kids clothes for this year. I go shopping everyday! I’m just so ecstatic… shopping is my drug! I’ve got so many awesome stuff. I left to go to the Philippines with 4 big boxes plus 6 suitcases and 6 carryons. I’m going to be leaving with the same to come home. I’ve already 1/2 filled one box and I’ve only been here for 4 days. Did I say that I love to shop! I’m going to finally be able to decorate my house and get my sheets for my bed that I’ve wanted.. the furniture is just gorgeous out here!!!! All hand carved solid wood. Amazing, gorgeous, if only I could figure out how to bring a table home. Everything is breathtakingly beautiful! I love the sweet smell up in Baguio and it is so nice.. It’s not so hot up here. In Manila it was +35 but in Baguio it is +25 which is nice.

My kids are not dealing well with the time change. Laura and Josh are ok now, but Mya and Brandon are getting up at 1:00am and they stay up until 7pm…. But today they are up at 3:30am so everyday they are learning to sleep in longer, but that just makes me cranky cuz I go to sleep at 11pm and I’m up at 2am or 3 am for the rest of the day… my only consolation is shopping.

My aunt is spoiling me silly. Everything I ask for she gets for me which is awesome. She got me all the food I mentioned that I missed from here. It was so nice. We are staying in her hotel and it is gorgeous. My aunt is sooooooooo smart… I’m beginning to wonder what the heck happened to the rest of the siblings… She’s so sharp very, very quick and has an amazing business mind. She is just amazing. She’s so smart yet she is very humble and she’s so nice… just don’t piss her off.. one of her son-in-law pissed her off that she had in thrown in jail.. I told Ryan to be nice and do whatever he says.. I told him to make sure he doesn’t piss me off either or I’ll tell my aunty to throw him in jail. hehe.. just kidding………. only 1/2

Well, I’ll write more later, I’m going shopping… smooches to all! I’m having a blast and I don’t want to come back any time soon.

Love Jo