I seriously hate, hate, hate, hate talking to people who have only one kid and think they know everything. They offer up advice and chastise me on how to parent and what to do. SHUT THE F*CK UP B*TCH!!!! F*CK!!!
I have this one friend, *J* whom shall remain nameless, but she has one child. ONE CHILD. I can’t stand talking to her cuz she always asks how my kids are doing, then when I tell her the crazy antics they pull she freaks out and begins to lecture me on how to make them behave or what to do with them. SHUT UP! Unless you have 3 or more kids of your own don’t give me advice!!! That and have 3 or more that are close in age, not with gaps of 3-4 years in between.
One, ya granted you’re a parent, but you don’t understand the dynamics of having more than one. One is easy. It’s a piece of cake. A walk in the park. Got knocked up.
Two, gets a little busier, but not a big deal. It’s easy as well. Got knocked up yet again.
Three, Well, hell’s bells. At 3 is where life gets interesting. Three is what breaks you. For the longest time when I only had 2 kids and I saw so many people that only had 3 I always wonder why they didn’t have more. I’d ask them, but didn’t understand their answer of, “Oh 3 is lots to handle.” After I had 3 I understood. 3 is crazy. 3 gives you a run for your money. 3 is where it gets hard. You are out numbered. You only have 2 hands and when you have 3 small children that each want a hand it gets tricky. Also if 2 out of 3 kids start crying at the same time over different things it is stressful. After a good 9 months, I got used to it and vowed not to have anymore kids…
I guess the good ole’ “Pull out and Pray” method doesn’t work that great. Got knocked up again. So then along came number 4. I was freaking out! If I was having a hard time at 3 how would I handle 4 I thought? Well, after consulting with friends who did have 4 or more they assured me that 4 was no different than 3. And thankfully I found it to be true.
Four is also crazy, but you’re used to the zoo already. You are so busy with 3 that 4 kids is just a number. It’s just one more thing. I was used to being so busy that 4 was not a big deal for me. Having four has taught me a lot of patience. I’m much more easy going than I used to be. I’ve let my 6 month old have ice cream! Ahhhh! I remember when I had Laura, she wasn’t allowed sweets until she was almost 2. I was really anal and wrapped up tight.
Now in order to save my sanity, I’m a lot more relaxed and not as high strung as I was. Talk to any parent with 3 or more and you can see them relax the more kids they have. They are not neglectful, just don’t freak out every time baby isn’t reaching a certain milestone predicated upon by society. They’ve also learned to relax and enjoy the kids. Kids will be kids. Some things they do is not the end of the world. As long as it’s not endangering their life or someone else or being immoral I don’t freak, or try not to anyway. I have other things to worry about.
So this ‘friend’ on the phone is giving me hell because my 2 1/2 year old boy is still not potty trained and she got her son trained at 18 months. To which I say, “Ya, but you have one, I have four, all close in range. I have 4 that are 7 years old and under. I don’t have the time or the energy. Once he is ready and starts to show interest I will go ahead and do it. Right now fighting with a 2 year old, trying to make him sit on the potty, while he screams his head off freaking out is not my idea of a good time. It’s not pleasant for him or me. I don’t want to traumatize the kid.”
To which she gives me a long winded speech and repeats herself 3 times about why I should put more effort and *make* him do it. Sorry honey, you can’t make my kids do anything. Blame it on genetics, but they are headstrong. Besides I don’t need them to go see a child psychologist because of hellish potty training.
Well, my child can do the alphabet and my child can blah, blah, blah.
Good for you. I’m happy that you have lots of time to spend with him and when I only had one I was able to do all those things too. This isn’t a race or a game, but if it makes you feel better about yourself then yes, you child is smarter than my child. Congratulations. Your prize is in the mail. So will you please Shut the F*ck Up now?
TIP #1: If I don’t ask for advice or help, don’t offer. At the best of times I don’t like to be told what to do. At the worst of times I don’t like to be told what to do. Especially by someone who doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to be in my shoes.
It drives me crazy that she repeats herself 3 times. She says the exact same things just maybe changes the wording a little, but only a little. It drives me insane. Why I keep up a friendship with her is beyond me. This is one of those things where I try to be polite. She extremely anal retentive and doesn’t let her kid run around the house, jump in the house or be too loud in the house. She is very soft spoken and I’m sure she has an OCD. She constantly has to check her oven and doors 3 times before we leave her house. She is a person who can only schedule in one thing to do and that’s it for the day.
IE.
me: Hey what are you doing tomorrow? Want to get together?
Her: I can’t. I’m doing my laundry.
me: Right, next you’ll be telling me you’re washing your hair. Oh come on. Do it during the day and come play with me at night.
Her: Sorry, I’m just tired after doing laundry. Let me check my calendar…. hmm… 3 weeks from now I’m free all day. If it works for you I’ll put you in my calendar.
*sigh* Maybe she’s blowing me off and I’m just clueless. She’s been like this since we were teenagers. She’s just not a spur of the moment person. Everything has to be run on a schedule. I’d describe her as a slow moving turtle. She doesn’t go anywhere or do much of anything. She lives a very boring life. She goes to work, comes home, eats dinner and watches TV then goes to bed. Same thing, day in and day out. She’s a homebody. That’s fine, but shake it up and live a little. Maybe that’s why she’s friends with me.
Anytime she wants excitement she calls me up. After talking to me she says, “Oh, You have so much energy. I’m tired just talking to you. You wear me out.”
Whoo hooo there’s a crazy wild time. Talk to me on the phone. Yowza! (I’m being sarcastic in case it’s not coming off thickly enough)
If I consumed alcohol, she would drive me to drink and get stupid drunk. I’d need a really strong drink to unravel my nerves and unwind after talking to her. So since I don’t drink, for fear of getting even stupider, I blog. This is my rant for the day. I’m tired. Goodnight.
