The journey between here and there

I’ve had a crazy week. My son’s are heavily putting their terrorism training into use and are inflicting their guerrilla warfare upon me and this house. Their goal: to drive my insane. It’s working. My mother’s curse has come to haunt me. The typical curse that most mothers tell their children: I hope that when you have kids they will be just as crazy as you and worse!

Operation Paint: I let Brandon paint with Tempera paint. I have large paint pots and I squeeze a small amount into egg cartons that way when he is done, it is easy clean up, just toss the egg carton out. I sat and watched him paint since Laura and Josh were in school and Mya was taking a nap. I was asking him about his painting, telling him I liked his colors he choose, etc. He looks at me and says, “Go away. Leave me alone.” What a kid. Here I am trying to spend time with the kid cuz he never gets any one on one time with me and he could careless. So I left. I returned a little while later only to find him painting the kitchen chairs. A lovely green color. I guess he doesn’t like the dark cherry colored wood. He was quite proud of himself. Thank goodness it’s washable.

Operation Paint #2: This time Laura, Joshua and Brandon were painting. I left them alone cuz I was tired and wanted to take a nap. So off I went. I woke up to Laura screaming, “You guys are in sooo much trouble! Mom is going to be mad! Stop it! MMMOOOOOMMMMM!!!”

I ran downstairs to find the boys have opened up the big bottles of paint that I left on the island and decided to add a little color to the carpet. Black, green, red and yellow splattered all over the light tan carpet. The boys were covered in paint. Laura was watching TV and didn’t notice their antics until Josh came along, took a gob of green paint and squished it into her head. That’s when she saw the mess and freaked. *sigh* I was not impressed. They had an early bed time. I hope my carpet cleaner can get the colors out.

Operation Scatter: I had a bag of dried peas in my office, which I finally got around to cleaning. I was going to make bean bags out of the dried peas. Well, Brandon and Mya got into them first. They scattered dried peas all over my clean office, then carted them out into the rest of the house, because hey, dried peas is a great decorating idea!

Operation Leak: My kids play in the backyard lots. They usually turn on the garden hose and spray each other, spray the neighbors, spray inside the house, spray the windows, spray the deck, or spray the neighbors dog. I’ve finally decided to unscrew the hose and take the turning part of the tap off so they can no longer play with the water. I made this decision after I got my water bill $175.00! Yikes! Normally it’s only $80.00 and I haven’t been watering my grass this summer, the kids are using waaaay to much water. So now they have no water to play with outside… so what do they do for fun? Well, I caught Josh taking the garden hose and peeing in the garden hose. *sigh* Why is it that boys feel the need to put their dumbstick in any hole they seem to find? I don’t get boys.

Operation Destroy #1: Josh was sent to his room for being mean to Brandon. He felt this punishment was unjust so he spent the next 10 minutes tearing apart his books out of his bookshelf and throwing all his clothes on the floor that were in his dresser and laundry basket. I was not impressed. It took him 3 days to clean it up all by himself.

Operation Destroy #2: The boys have a little tykes car that they like to drive around. However, they have gotten into the habit of playing “crash”. Crash is not a good game for my walls as it puts holes in my walls. Ryan was so upset he tossed the car off the deck. Now the boys are resorting to crashing their firetruck, ambulance and monster trucks into the wall thereby causing small dents to appear in the wall.

Operation Destroy #3: Josh likes to play the drums. Since we don’t own a set of drums (thank God!) He uses anything he can for a drum stick and drums. One day he was using his hockey stick to beat the Rubbermaid boxes that hold their toys… that was fine by me. What was not fine was using the glass on the french doors to our entertainment room downstairs as cymbals. A plastic hockey stick can smash through glass. Now we need to buy a new french door.

Operation Destroy #4: Mya likes to pull everything out of the cupboards. Now that she can crawl upstairs and downstairs she is free to roam. She likes to take out all my kitchen linens and throw them all over the floor. She also likes to take the kids plastic cups and plates out of the cupboard and spread them all over as well. If someone leaves the bathroom door open, she crawls in and plays with the toilet paper. She loves to pull on it and unravel the entire roll. She also opens the bathroom cupboards under the sink and likes to play with the lotion. She eats it and spreads it all over herself. Yuck! She is not even one yet and has already gotten into a lot of mischief.

Operation Chef: My kids like to experiment with food. I was setting the table for dinner and had placed some food on the table. I had my back turned and was taking stuff out of the oven when Brandon decided that the rice needed ketchup. He proceeded to dump the entire 1L bottle of ketchup into the rice. Now there’s a dish Emeril hasn’t thought up!

Operation Water #1: Someone (Joshua) has taught Brandon how to work the childproof taps on our water cooler. Brandon has then used this new knowledge to his advantage. He has created a swimming pool in our kitchen….twice… in the same day. Once in the morning, once in the evening. Obviously he didn’t get in enough trouble the first time. Water was everywhere, under the baseboards, under the phone desk, under the fridge. What a nightmare.

Operation Water #2: Brandon loves water. It’s usually him that instigates the water fights with the garden hose outside and inside. The kids were up in their bathroom getting ready for bed, brushing their teeth. I was downstairs cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and Ryan was suppose to be helping them get ready. He came down to help me clean the kitchen. Big Mistake. Brandon took the water cup and began a water fight. He flooded the bathroom sink, which spilled over onto the floor, then grabbed the cup, filled it with water and began throwing at his brother in their bedroom. He then turned and got his sister wet and her bedroom wet. We heard laughter, but did not clue into anything destructive happening until Laura began screaming. Now I have to use my carpet cleaner to suck up all the water that soaked into the carpet.

That has been my week. I am frazzled to say the least and am certain to say that we are done having kids. They are driving me insane. I think I should check myself into a mental institution… at least I’ll have a little peace.