I’m sick…
I’ve got something… maybe it’s cancer. Ryan calls me a hypochondriac but I swear, I’ve got something.
Every time I watch the crazy ‘Health Beat’ segment on the news I think I’ve got whatever they are talking about. Sometimes I’ll go to my doctor and list all my complaints to which he just laughs, shakes his head and says, “You have 4 kids. They are what cause your ailments. You’re healthy. You’re fine.” I’m beginning to think he’s a quack doctor. I keep looking at his medical certificate to see if he graduated from the Looney Toon academy. Well, he didn’t… but maybe it’s a fake diploma. If Leo can do it on ‘Catch Me If You Can’, then anyone can do it I’m sure… *sigh* Whatever… point is.. I’ve got something.
Whenever I go to those sites, diagnose yourself.com, I go through the charts and it all points to: Go see your doctor. I do and my doctor just gives me a funny look. I think I need to go see another doctor. Cuz whenever I go to his office all I hear coming out of his mouth is, “quack, quack, quack, quack… quack, quack? Quack, quack, quack… and another thing, quack, quack, quack.”
I swear I think I have Diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Chronic Fatigue… maybe Lupus?, Arthritis or Bursitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or is it Colon Cancer?, heart disease, manic depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder, allergies, not hypertension but the opposite of hypertension… whatever low blood pressure is and maybe I’m getting a hunch back since I slouch all the time?*sigh* Well, the list could go on and on.
I know I’m not crazy, but who knows? Maybe I am, but the Quack Doctor doesn’t diagnose me properly. I don’t handle aches and pain very well. I’m a very healthy person on the whole and get sick maybe once a year with the flu or cold… but lately I swear something is wrong. Something is wrong with my matrix, I just know it.
I wish I lived in the States where you can get those nifty whole body scans where they check every inch of you to see if you have cancer or something. See? We need that here in Canada so I can go, take one of these tests. Then I can rest my poor tired mind from thinking I’ve got some disease.