Back in April Ryan and I had an arguement to which we both said some snarky things to one another. The next day he sent me this email. We both just laugh at these names and we did at the time as well once the tension died down and we resolved our problem.
My dearest “demanding, high maintenance, life sucking wife”:
I will try to get to the computer store today.
Love you,
Your’ sniveling complaining lazy half-ass husband
Well, it has been forever. There are several reasons I suppose. I got knocked up yet again and was not feeling well. Then I got very uncomfortable. Really, who wants to read about me bitching about being prego and how it is taking a toll on my body. It was cold in the basement. I just didn’t feel like writing.
I think the most important reason why I quit writing is because I wanted to focus on the kids. The 4 keep me so busy. It’s not easy doing 15 loads of laundry a week. I started to change my attitude and make my kids my 1st priority. I felt I was getting a little too addicted on things that are not important like Smallville, TV, Tom Welling and the computer. So I took the leap and cut off the cable. I quit going on the computer except to check email and pay bills. I began to do some baby-stepping over at The Fly Lady so I am able to keep up with the housework and not feel like such a worthless slop all the time. It has helped me immensely although I have fallen off the wagon every now and then, but it’s there to encourage me to do better. I feel much better when the house is clean and organized. I really do like the baby step program and the emails which help keep me on track with the housework.
So why am I writing again? I dunno. Just cuz I feel like it. The kids are actually in bed early tonite and I don’t feel like passing out or have any sciatic back pains. That and I feel bad that I’ve neglected my journal writing.
So, It’s Sunday, July 9, 2006. Calgary is into the swing of the Calgary Stampede and Ryan & I just finished throwing a Stampede breakfast this past Saturday. It was a lot of work to pull this together in 2 weeks. The activity committee leader failed to mention 1. He was moving at the end of August and 2. He wouldn’t be around for the breakfast anyway cuz he was going to a wedding. Nice. Thanks for making me pry it out of him the Sunday before Canada Day. We only had 250 people come. I was expecting around 400, because it was a Tri-Ward thing, but so many people were away the Canada Day weekend that it wasn’t enough notice. Whatever. It was still alright. There are things I’d do differently next time, but whatever. I’m just glad that this breakfast doesn’t have to occupy my thoughts 24/7. I do love to plan parties, but now I’ve got to concentrate on the baby’s arrival.
The boys, Mya and I went to a Country Fair put on by the Sheep River Ward on Saturday in the evening. Oh my goody goody gum drops I had so much freakn’ fun! So after the pancake breakfast was over and everything was cleaned up, Ryan and Laura went to return all the grills and go help Ryan’s dad move. I took a nap, but so did my boys (miracles do happen) and Mya. I woke them up at 5pm and we went to this Country Fair. It was so fun. I’ve always wanted to go to one of these and FINALLY my dream came true! They had lots of awesome food, fun relay games, a cake walk and an auction. I got some raspberry jam with all the participation tickets the boys and I gathered through out the event. I made 9 cakes for the cake walk. Everyone kept gushing over them. I took the Michael’s cake decorating classes, just 1 and 2 in April and May of this year. I still have to take course 3, but I’ll do that in Nov. People were asking me to decorate their kids wedding cakes. I laughed and told them only after I take course 3. Cake decorating looks hard, but it is soooo easy! Everyone was wowed by the cakes, the fact that I did 9 for the cake walk and I was prego, plus just finished with the Stampede breakfast event. Well, it’s not so bad decorating when I do it between midnight and 2am when 4 little fingers can’t get into the cakes and interrupt me every 2 seconds.
I had so much fun playing the relay games with the boys. They did Tug of war, 3 legged race, wheel barrow race, a wet sponge relay, and sack races. It was just so cute to watch the boys be partners and play the games. I was sorry that Ryan and Laura couldn’t be there cuz I just had the time of my life. Josh and Brandon took turns playing t-ball. Josh is such a natural athlete it’s wild. He kept hitting the ball way out to left or right field. It’s too bad soccer was on at the same time t-ball was. Josh misses playing soccer. Brandon and Josh climbed up the fence backstop all the way to the top. I just shook my head. People were like, “umm, are those your boys climbing all the way up there.” I didn’t even have to look. “Probably.” Sure enough they scampered up and right back down. They climb so much that I wasn’t worried about them falling. They are my 2 little monkeys. Mya played in the rocks on the baseball field and on the playground. She just followed me around and watched the boys.
Seriously, that child is full of piss and vinegar. Man. She is so head strong and determined it just makes me shake my head. She constantly will hold her own and take Brandon, Josh or Laura on if she is fighting for a toy or something that she wants. She usually wins the battle too. I hope this next baby is more easy going.
#5 is going to be a surprise. I think it’s going to be a girl, but I really hope that it has a relaxed personality. The baby has dropped and I’m waddling around like a drunk duck. I feel like a cowboy riding a horse cuz I can’t close my legs the baby’s head has dropped down into my groin. I’m due anywhere from July 15-17. I’m hoping I go into labor on the 15th or 16th cuz we are going to Ryan’s best friends wedding on July 22 and he’s the best man. After that we are going to the family reunion on July 29 for which I’m in charge of crafts. I’ve got to get those done this week so I don’t have to do anything after the baby is born.
I’m kind of nervous about this one. Not of the delivery. I hope to give birth in 3 hours again, but I’m more worried about the after birth pains. My friend just gave birth to her 5th and she said the after birth pains were almost unbearable because it’s like you’re back in deep heavy labor. My iron is really low this time around too. I have to make it to a hospital because I need a shot after I give birth to stop the bleeding. My iron levels are only 92 and the normal person has iron levels of 130. So if I lose too much blood it could be dangerous. *sigh* I’m so glad this is the last baby. My body is just dying. I’ve had such bad sciatic nerve problems and I have horrible back pains. My back goes numb and I have trouble breathing in the evenings. My body is crying out and is going on strike. I hope I can deliver this baby too. A friend of mine that has 6 kids said that by the 5th they had to drag the baby out cuz her body just gave up and wouldn’t push the baby out. Great. I’m such a hypochondriac too. So now that’s one more thing to worry about. Doesn’t help to tell me your horrible stories people, not when I’m heading into the 11th hour.
Thankfully I sent Ryan off to get fixed back in May. He is no longer a bull, but a steer. So I can no longer pimp him out as a sperm donor for any of my friends that wanted more babies… lol… ah well. After my miscarriage in September I called Dr. Popowich to book an appointment for his vasectomy. The earliest I could get in was January. In October I got prego. I caught a nasty bug that just wouldn’t go away for the longest time. I got the flu for part of October, November and December so I didn’t realize I was prego till about Christmas time. Well, the Doc broke his back in December and our appointment got rescheduled until May. So in May Ryan went in. I went along with him. I got to sit and watch the entire operation. It was so thrilling. I don’t know if I enjoyed the fact that he was in pain or that I finally saw a light at the end of the pregnancy/nursing tunnel. I kept cheering, “You go bunny! I’m so proud of you! You’re almost done! Way to go!” Heh. I was just clapping my hands in glee. When Ryan took his pants down getting ready for the procedure he turned and looked at me and said, “he’s scared.” I had to laugh cuz Ryan was trying so hard to be brave, but I could tell he was nervous with someone playing with his ‘manhood.” He almost passed out while the doctor was doing the snip and cauterizing. He turned grey and the doctor had to pause to lay him back more.
“It’s ok, lots of guys go through it. You’re going to be fine,” were my encouraging words. Man, he sure milked it for a good couple of weeks after his vasectomy. I talked to other women whose husbands went through the same thing and they all told me that they were fine, up and around within 2 days. *sigh* Not Ryan. He still has phantom pains from his circumcisions and is still upset that his parents had him circumcised. So I made sure that he wasn’t going to blame me for getting this vasectomy. “Ya know, you can either go through this OR you can have baby #6 in a year and 1/2. It’s up to you. I’m went through labor 5 times, the least you can do is get fixed. If you want more kids you’re going to have to divorce and and get married to someone else cuz this baby train has to stop. My body is tired. I’ve done my part in populating this earth. I really don’t want to be the poster woman for Breeders R’ Us.”
This is why I can’t be a nurse. I have troubles being empathetic. I let him moan and lay about for the first 3 days, then I got tired of catering to him. I got annoyed and a little cranky. It drives me crazy to be around someone who is not feeling well. Especially when I’m now carrying the burden of taking care of the kids all by myself, while I too am not feeling well and am so exhausted with this pregnancy. I dunno, maybe it’s selfish on my part, but unless he is terminally ill I felt like kicking him and saying, “oh come on! Other men don’t drag and carry on like this. Suck it up! After I give birth I’m up and doing stuff around the house the next day. I’m making lunches, taking kids to school, cleaning the house, cooking dinner a couple days of giving birth. Get up off your ass! Labor is much worse than what you’re going through.” *sigh* I can be so mean. I tried to say it in a funny way, but I was very annoyed. I don’t have a lot of tact. Thankfully it’s been a couple of months now and he finally doesn’t hurt. Although he says he’d never go through that again. *sigh* He’s such a wuss sometimes.
Well, the countdown is now on to the baby. I need to try to find a bassinet and a car seat(ours expired), plus get Laura’s room finished downstairs and get a toddler bed for Mya. I wish I could just move faster and do this faster. I feel like a big beached whale. I’m 151lbs. Yikes. The midwives figure the baby will be around 7lbs. 2 oz. Thank goodness. Like I want to deliver a 10 lb. baby like my friend did 2 weeks ago. No thank you! This is my last pregnancy I’m not sad, but very grateful it will soon be over. I really want to get nursing over and get my energy back so I can keep up with the kids and be the mom I want to be. I want to be able to take them places and have the energy to keep up to their little energetic personalities.
After the baby is born and we’re all settled into our routines I want to start to marathon train. I’m going to have to do something to get my body back into shape. I’ll run in the evenings when Ryan’s home so he can watch the baby for an hour while I run. I’m hoping that it will give me more energy.
I think I’m going to have to book Brandon into a speech therapist cuz we still have troubles understanding him. I took him in for a hearing test and it came back fine so next is speech. He is such a mischievous boy. He definitely feels like the middle child. He is always doing naughty things to get attention. He keeps hitting his brother or sisters and just goes out of his way to make them mad. Then he gets his feelings hurt when they don’t want to play with him. *sigh* He really is a sweet boy. I send him out with Ryan once in awhile to work so he can get one on one time with daddy. I do crafts with him, but I’m so exhausted and tired that I can only do so much. He is such a sweet boy, with a sweet disposition. I just don’t know what do to in order to get through to him and make him understand that he has to be nice to his siblings if he wants to play with them. I’m just so glad that he’s going to Pre-school in the fall. I hope that he can make some progress there and will learn that rules apply to the world and I’m not just making them up on a whim. I’m going to put him into 2 preschools if I can. I just want him to get out and get more social skills. Josh seemed to do better at home once he went to school.
I’m just not a Mary Poppins mom. I look at my other friends and they seem to have it together and seem to be the perfect mommy. None of them have 4 kids and prego with the 5, but they seem to have scads more patience than me. It’s stresses me out cuz I am trying the best I can and know how in order to raise these kids. I really want them to grow up with a strong self esteem, a good work ethic and strong moral backbone. I feel so overwhelmed at times with all the things I have to teach them. The task just seems so daunting at times. *sigh* I feel that I’m doing better now that I’ve cancelled cable and we have no TV. I just want to get my energy back and slip into my old energetic self so I can handle the demands of being a mother to 5 kids.
Joshua turned 5 in February. We had a huge party for him at the Science Centre. There were 40 kids/people there. It was just nuts. Lots of fun, but nuts… I’m never doing that again. He had a blast on his birthday. He graduated from French Kindergarten in June. He sounds so cute with his little French accent when he sings his songs or talks in French. It is adorable! I wish schools would do a French speaking program in the English schools. Just like math, gym, social and have a French language class. It really is a shame they don’t do that. I need to plug my video camera in and video him singing his little French songs. It is so cute! Josh had a blast playing with his friend Dane. Dane’s mom was so nice to us. She’d pick Josh up in the morning and take him out to the farm to play. They 2 boys would play all day at the farm then she’d bring him home around 5pm. So awesome. It’s amazing how the dynamics change when there’s one less kid around. Josh will miss Dane when he moves into English Kindergarten. I’m putting him in Kindergarten again because I’ve heard from everyone around that if your baby is born in Dec, Jan, or Feb you should hold them back so they are the oldest in the class instead of the youngest. They will perform better. So that’s what I’m doing. Josh is smart, but he needs help with his printing and small motor skills. We’re going to be doing some practise over the summer and lots of crafts so he can work on those areas. Socially he is fine and he is very quick to pick up French, talk, understand and speak it, but I want to make sure that academically he will do well. I’m glad he is switching schools too cuz he kept getting bulled at Percy Pegler. He is the smallest in his class so some kids would pick on him. Dane and David his friends would stick up for him cuz they were bigger. Josh is such a sensitive boy that he gets his feelings hurt so easily. I tried to talk to the teacher and the bus driver, but they didn’t do anything. I’m so annoyed at that school. I’m glad he is switching to Laura’s school. I hope he has a better experience in this Kindergarten. I’ve got him with a really good teacher so I’m excited at the progress he will make.
Laura turned 8 in March. My goodness she is growing up so fast. She is so beautiful too. I’m not being biased, because strangers will come up to me and tell me how pretty she is. So I know it’s just more than me being her mom. She’s such a good kid. Although now that she is getting older she is testing her limits and boundaries again, but on the whole she is very obedient and very helpful around the house. Thank goodness cuz I need someone to be able to help with all the little ones. She too craves the one on one time with either me or Ryan. She was being a stinker over the past month, just not doing what she was asked or putting up a fuss. So I sent her to work with Ryan for a couple days and it worked like magic. Her attitude has changed and she’s more willing to help out around the house. She really needs her one on one time with either me or Ryan. I need to set up one day a week where I let one kid stay up later than all the others so I can just spend some time with just them. Or send them off to spend time with just Ryan. Laura did really good in school and is now going on to Grade 3. Wow! I can’t believe I have an 8 yr. old and I’m 31. Crazy! She’ll be a teenager before I know it. I worry that I am not teaching her properly or not being a good enough mother for her. I wish I could do more with her like I used to when she was small and it was just her and I. I feel like I wasted so many years because I was depressed for a while then pregnant and nursing so I was cranky and not helping her as best as I should. She’s in Brownies, which she loves. I’m glad she likes it. She’ll do it again in the fall. She is doing good in piano. She’ll continue that as well. I’m debating about whether I want to enroll her on the swim team. I don’t want to overwhelm her doing too much in the week, plus do school. I’m still thinking about it. She wants to take swimming I just have to find out what the time commitments are. She got baptized on June 17, 2006. It was such a wonderful day. My mom and grandma came down. Ryan’s brother returned from his mission in Peru so the entire family was there. The baptism went off good, except Ryan had to baptize her twice cuz he forgot to say, “Amen.” So Laura got to be double dunked. There were so many friends and family there that we had to open up another room to accommodate everyone. I took lots of pictures. Man, I still can’t believe she is 8. My little baby that I thought would never grow up is growing up right before my eyes.
I need to organize myself and make myself work at being the mom I want to be for my kids. I wish there was a fly lady for raising kids. A general guideline and program you could follow to help raise your kids. That would be nice. I just want to really concentrate on them and being a mom. That is my priority now. So my updates may not be that frequent, but I hope to try to keep track of all their deeds and crazy things that come out of their mouth. I write them down on pieces of paper I just have to transcribe them to here.
Well, that’s my ramblings for now. I won’t be posting anymore Smallville reviews or gushing of Tom because I’ve FINALLY realized that all that just doesn’t matter. What matter is these 4, soon to be 5 adorable children that I’ve been entrusted to take care of, nurture, love and raise. That look to me for guidance, love, comfort and security. It’s an incredible journey and such an important one, I really don’t want to screw it up. So hopefully I’ll post again soon, but if not, it’s because I’m busy keeping up with 4 (5) adorable and busy little kids.