The journey between here and there

This is my little spot where I can feel sorry for myself. Which seriously, I really shouldn’t cuz life is good in comparison to other people’s lives. But whatever. I think I’m hormonal. I’ve cried like 6 times this year. 5 of which have been in the past 4 months. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I usually only cry twice a year. I’m stressed. I have 5 kids crying for attention and needing to be taken care of. I don’t eat properly and I don’t get enough sleep. I take on too many tasks. I’m a perfectionist and a control freak. Although I can let go a lot more now than I use to be able to. I feel like failure constantly and I feel like there are things I could do a lot better at. I’m sure I’m a manic-depressive and Ryan calls me a hypocondriac… and maybe I’m that TOO!

I think my hormones are out of whack and they are returning to normal after having the baby 4 months ago. He’s so sweet. I love him to bits. He’s got such cute chubby cheeks, beautiful blue eyes, perfect light red lips and black hair. I’m sure it will turn dark brown or brown just like the other kids. Oh my goodness, I just love him! I feel like squishing him I love him so much. He’s so precious. When I look at him I wish I could just go away to a peaceful, quiet, tranquill place. On a beach with the waves gently lapping the sand. A light breeze quietly rustling the tree leaves. Small clouds drifting across the sky making shapes. The smell of fresh air and earth. Man, I really miss the farm.

When things got too chaotic at home I would always take off to the pond near the end of the driveway. Plop myself down on the grass, lay back with my hands behind my head, close my eyes and listen. I’d hear dragon flies swishing this way and that catching bugs. I would hear stillness and peace. The cattails would rustle by the edge of the pond. The ducks would swim through the water. The swallows would be chirping and the sun would beat down, warming me up. I always felt like the sun was giving me a warm hug.

Wow! That really relaxed me. I should go there in my mind more often and use that to calm me down. I feel like sleeping now. It’s 2am and I’ve been stressed out all day. I need sleep. Good night.

Merry Christmas

I usually hate Christmas because it is so stressful for me. It all comes down to money. Everything costs money. When you have money everything is fine, but when you don’t have money, everything is not fine. The whole gift giving stresses me out. I wish people just wouldn’t give me gifts because then I feel obligated to give a gift back, which is hard when I don’t have extra money to play with around this time.

I always want to make it a fabulous Christmas. I always have these elaborate ideas in my head. Why can’t I ever just do something simple? *sigh* I truly have lost the spirit of Christmas. I hope I can regain it this year…

YouTube sucks, but DailyMotion is awesome!

I’ve been watchin all my shows on YouTube until Google bought it and began deleting all the TV shows I watch. I was mad, but now I’ve found DailyMotion, it’s all good and I’m happy that I’ve found a new place to watch all my shows! Yippee!

I’m now watching Heroes. Love this show! It’s fabulous. I can also watch Smallville on DailyMotion. Yippee for DailyMotion!

A few things on there are in French, so I’ll have to wipe away the cobwebs from my brain and try to remember what I learned in High School.

This is my fav. recipe. Found it on the bag of Quaker Oatmeal.

4 Cups cooking apples peeled and sliced
1 1/2 tbsp. brown sugar
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1/4 cup water
1/4 tsp. of cinammon and nutmeg

1 Cup Quaker Oates (I use the small quick oats, but the recipe says you can use any kind)
1/3 cup all purpose flour
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp. salt (I only use 1/4 tsp.)
1/3 cup butter melted

Place apples in a greased shallow 9″ square baking dish. Sprinkle with lemon juice, 1 1/2 tbsp. brown sugar, and water. Sprinkle the cinammon and nutmeg over the apples.

Combine remaining dry ingred. in a separate bowl; add melted buter mixing until crumbly. Sprinkle crumb mixture on top of the apples.

Bake at 375F for 30 min. or until the apples are tender.

Makes 8 servings.

Serve hot with ice cream. I love it! Let me know what you think!

I must admit, I’m a revenge seeker. Well, when it comes to Ryan anyway. I’m ruthless. In September we went to a corn bust. It was lots of fun. Well, we had fun anyway. As usual we made a scene and started an impromptu water fight which everybody got involved in whether they wanted to or not. Someone brought out the water balloons, so I grabbed one and instantly threw it at Ryan. He was holding Mya and he used her to shield himself from the blast of water. Poor kid. What a jerk! Using his own kid. Sheesh!

After trying to convince a teenager to throw a water balloon at him to no avail, I decided to take matters into my own hands and dump a bucket of water at him. He got wet, then decided to play. He got me soaked with a water balloon, the hose, the waterguns and a water bucket. We chased each other around like little kids screaming, laughing and throwing water everywhere. I’d stand by people so that when he threw a water balloon at me I would quickly move and it would inadvertently hit the person I was standing beside… LOL… so much fun.

I knew I got myself beat cuz I was more soaked than him. I decided to waited till the opportunity would present itself so I could get him. The next morning the sun peeked through our blinds waking me up first. I opened my one eye and looked at him sleeping peacefully, his breathing was deep and he was happily sleeping I’m sure. He had his glass of water on his night stand still half full. Grinning wickedly I slowly and quietly sneaked out of bed. I tip toed to his side of the bed, grabbed the water and made a bee-line for the ensuite bathroom. I let the cold water run for a few minutes to make sure it was not just a little cold, but a lot cold…

With the glass of cold water in hand I crept quietly to my side of the bed. I checked my escape routes to make sure all paths were clear. Then with a swoosh, the water came flying out of the glass and hit him directly in the face… BULLSEYE!!!! heheh… a direct hit! Fabulous! Simply fabulous! I roar with laughter and jump up and down at the end of the bed ecstatic over my victory and the reaction. Ahhh the reaction. It’s all about the reaction for me.

Ryan shot up out of bed, like a bat out of hell. “What the hell Joanne!” he screams as cold water runs down his face, arms, back and chest… I just laugh even harder.

“I got you back! I got you back!” I squeal in delight, hopping all around the foot of the bed making sure I’m just out of reach. Grinning wickedly with mischief dancing in my eyes I proudly exclaim, “I told you I’d getcha! I told you! I gotcha! I gotcha!”

He just glares at me and flops back into bed, but quickly springs back up once he hits the cold, wet sheets. “You know, two can play this game,” he grumbles.

“Bring it on!” I grin still laughing and jumping up and down at the foot of the bed.

“I’m going to throw water on you when I wake up at 5am to go to the gym!” He warns still glaring at me.

“That’s ok. I’ll just get you back when I come to bed at 1am…. you know I will do it too!” I jeer.

He studies me for a moment, then sighs and shakes his head.

“ok, truce. You got me back. Happy? Now no more throwing water at me while I am sleeping. You promise?” he asks.

Although I am happy that he has admitted defeat, I am also disappointed that he has given up so quickly.

Sighing I respond, “ya, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

Still grinning I tease, “you shoulda seen the look on your face!”

He responds by picking up a soggy pillow and throwing it at me.

“I can’t even go back to sleep cuz the bed is wet!” he complains.

“Well, just be glad that I waited until 8:00am instead of at 3:00am.” I retort still grinning madly.

“You’re nuts!” He grumbles as he gets up to go take a shower.

I just laugh as I quickly make my escape out of the bedroom.

*sigh* Another mission accomplished.

I’m not going to post weekly Smallville reviews. I don’t have time. I barely have time to watch it. Thank goodness there are not commercials on youtube. I have been watching it on www.youtube.com! Horray for youtube. I LOVE youtube. I’ve been able to keep up with my show. I do enjoy it. It is quite good. The writing is quite good this season, acting is top notch and Tom Welling is as sexy as ever. There lots of eye candy with Justin Hartley hanging around for the girls and low shirts for Lois to keep the boys interested. I like the story lines. I’m quite happy that the story is moving forward and it’s not stagnant anymore.

Maybe I’m just being biased about the show being so good. But when I see Tom Welling on screen my brain turns to mush and I just sit there with my mouth open, a silly smile plastered on my face and stare at his every move on screen. He could be feeding fish to a dolphin the entire show and I’d think the show kicked butt. Now that the Green Arrow is on… well giddy-up!… OK, so I normally don’t like blonds, but this one sure is great to gawk at. Like I said, good eye candy, definitely good eye candy!

This movie was ok. Just a movie rental. Nothing special. The only thing good about this movie was Kevin Spacey. He is an incredible actor and was fabulous playing Lex Luthor. The bullet shot was a great special effect as well. I didn’t mind Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. She could have been a little more harder and edgy. She was a little too soft. *Spoilers below*

The Lex Luthor story line was fantastic. The superman love interest story line was poor. Superman knocks up Lois Lane??!!?? Oh come on! What the heck was up with the lovey dovey scenes? That just made me want to gag. Superman has a kid? *sigh* It’s like the writers couldn’t figure out what to do. This to me was a video rental. The Smallville premiere for Zod was WAY better than this movie.

The thing that ruined it for me was Brandon Routh. I hated Brandon Routh as superman. Quite frankly he sucked… he doesn’t look like Superman. He looks like a gay superman. Christoper Reeve is Superman, Tom Welling is Superman. All those 2 men look and act like Superman. Routh doesn’t. I was so annoyed by Routh that I couldn’t get into the movie. I was so disappointed in this movie.

The acting was terrible by all the main characters except for Kevin Spacey. All the actors bugged me with their horrible acting ability. Parker Posey who played Kitty, Lex Luthor’s girl is a terrible actress. She was extremely irritating to watch and listen to. If Lex Luthor is so smart, one would think that he would surround himself with people that are smart, not a bumbling nitwit for a girlfriend. Routh could use a few acting lessons himself. The scenes that were a good concept on paper were ruined by adding Routh in. He made them be corny. Routh has no emotion to his face. Tom Welling would do way better in those scenes.

Give Superman’s kid a haircut! The kid’s hair bugged me.

I think if they casted better for Superman the show would be much more enjoyable. I like action movies, but this one is not one that I enjoyed. Ryan on the other hand loved it. A lot of my friends went to see it and loved it. Me? I thought it could have been waaaay better. Less lovey dovey story line, more action, better casting.

It’s a Video Rental. It’s ok. All the funny stuff was in the tv spots/commercials for the movie. Nothing special, just another sappy chick movie. That and I don’t find Vince Vaughan attractive at all. Sorry, I just don’t.

I could relate to the movie though. Some of the things they were fighting about and saying were things that I’ve said before. While Ryan and I were watching it, I turned to him and said, “See? Everybody has the same squabbles, it’s not just me. I’m not the only crazy woman out there… we’re ALL the same or else they wouldn’t have made a movie about it. So get your ass out there and buy me some flowers damnit! And do it cuz you WANT to not cuz I’ve ASKED you to!!!”

I can feel it building inside. It’s a huge stress ball that is growing bigger and bigger. It’s bubbling to the surface and will soon explode. I take on waaaay too much. I need to learn to say no. I hardly have time for anything. I’m running around, here, there and everywhere. I go to bed exhausted at 11pm then wake up at 3am cuz Luke is nursing only to not be able to go back to sleep, cuz I keep thinking of all the millions of things I have to do in the morning. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes I wake up and just stay awake until 11pm again. Other times I just stay in bed until exhaustion takes over again, usually 2 hours later. ARG! Everyday I fly around frantically trying to get everything on my list done… I only accomplish less than half, cuz my things to do list is about 2 pages long.

I need to work out to get rid of this stress bubble that is inside of me. *sigh* I swear I’m gonna get cancer or have an aneurysm.

Today for instance. I have an activities committee meeting. I need to print up the agenda, combine all the sign up sheets, print up the ideas for the Christmas party, and print up the activities for next year so we can decide which dates we want for 2007 so I can be ready for my ward correlation meeting on November 14. I have to make phyllo pastries and a chiffon cake for the meeting so people will have snacks to snack on during the meeting. I have to do the laundry. My washing machine broke and I finally got it fixed today. I estimate I have at least 30 loads of laundry to do. I have to load my dishwasher, drop and pick up kids from school 9am, 11:30am, 12pm, 2:30pm and 3:15pm. Make my bed, clean my room, get Josh to help me clean his room. I have to sweep and mop the floor, make something for dinner, oh, and I really should take a shower. I have to shovel the walk and try to get the rest of the ice off the sidewalk (heaven forbid if Ryan can help out and do manual labor around the house). I have to go buy Halloween candy for the pinata that we are doing for the Mexican night. I need to put away all the Halloween decorations and clean up the candy that is now scattered throughout the house. I have to finish making the sugar cookies I started on Monday, wipe down the walls, wash the windows, clean the bathroom downstairs…. sigh… I’m sure I could go on and on, cuz there is lots of various sorting organizing I need to do in regards to all the paper clutter that I have around the house. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*sigh* I need to go lift some weights or take up boxing or something. And today is not nearly as hectic as yesterday… no wonder I don’t have time to blog anymore. It also takes me forever and a day to get things done cuz in the mean time I am taking care of 5 kids and doing things for them or being interrupted by them. So that slows me down. In the evenings I’m so exhausted and worn out.