The journey between here and there

1. People who stop in the middle of a doorway to find something in their bag or purse…

Why can’t they move over? I don’t get it.

2. People who don’t signal when they drive their vehicles. Give everyone a heads up for once. Hello! The road doesn’t belong to you! It belongs to me.

3. Sand in my food. The only thing that annoys me when I go to the beach is sand in my food. Nothing is more distrubing than when you go to take a bite of sandwich, cracker, fruit, whatever and you get that *crunch*… that unmistakable… ‘yep, I’ve got ruffage going on in the form of sand.’ I hate that.

4. People that don’t know the difference in spelling between ‘where’ and ‘wear’. *sigh* You’d think someone that is 40 would have mastered that already. Seriously. I’m so cranky today.

5. Why is it that people do not do what I tell them to do? I’ve outlined very specific directions to those involved with this community breakfast of what they are in charge of and they are doing everything but what I’ve told them to do. ARG!!! Do I have to do everything?!?

Why do my kids insist on causing so much mischief?

Today they went through our medicine cabinet grabbed Ryan’s shaving cream, vitamins and diaper wipes. They then went to our window (I know I still need to get a screen) and proceeded to throw vitamins and diaper wipes out the window. Then they sprayed shaving cream all over the roof. All the while they hung 1/2 out the window and yelled at people that strolled by the house, “Hey! You’ve got big butts!”

*sigh*

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They ride the rubbermaid toy boxes down the basement stairs. Josh and Brandon ride down. They go so fast and I’m amazed they don’t get hurt. They kill themselves laughing. I keep telling them to stop, but they do it anyway. Laura and Mya don’t go anywhere near the ’stair slide.’

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They keep playing Ding Dong Ditch. They run out of the backyard and ring the front door bell then run behind the garage. I now don’t even answer the door. The neighbors call me when someone is actually at my door. I finally went and bought another lock for the gate so this insanity they’ve thought up is over.
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Luke keeps climbing. He loves to play in the pantry. He climbs on top of the honey pail, on top of the pancake pail, climbs up the first row of shelves, climbs up the second shelf and then starts to scream like a little piglet until I come and take him down. He also loves to climb up the dishwasher. He will climb on the door, step on the first shelf and grab onto the second. Then he’ll sway and shake his body. *sigh* great… another crazy boy.

After Mr. Berg retired, Mrs. Berg insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Berg was like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Berg was like most women, she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Berg received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Berg, over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Berg are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.”

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION - WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!” And last, but not least…

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”

OMG!!!!! I just died laughing… I can just imagine…. how awesome!!! Man, when I get old, I’m gonna do these just to amuse myself. I’d do them now, but it’s rather difficult with 5 kids in tow. Besides, I don’t want to teach my kids how to be delinquent’s… they already are.