The journey between here and there

Talking with my friend Leslie till 3:30am last night, made me realize things about my life that I needed to change….starting with myself and dealing with me. I need to remember who I was before I met the ball and chain, then bring her back, take control of my life, climb out of this crater I’ve fallen into, move on and enjoy the journey without attachments….

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You’re probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightening’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

The path that I’m walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps ’til I’m full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightening’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We’ll play jacks and uno cards
I’ll be your best friend and you’ll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
‘Cause I want to hold yours too
We’ll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it’s time for me to go home
It’s getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightening’ out to do
And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry

La Da Da Da Da Da

I always wonder what Tom Welling and Wentworth Miller are doing right at this exact moment…. I wish I had a little magic mirror like from Beauty and the Beast so I could see what they were doing… always curious…Oh to be a butterfly on the wall…

This is a quote from some article…

Q: Have you been working on any recent projects other than the show "Prison Break" that fans will get to see you featured in?

Wentworth Miller : There seems to be a rather dated expectation in this business that every TV actor is dying to make the jump to the big screen. That might be true for some, but not me. Would it be nice to make a movie here and there? Yes. Do I have plans to become the next Matt Damon? No. If "Prison Break" ends and I go on to spend the rest of my career playing small parts in interesting, left-of-center movies, I’ll count myself lucky. Or I could easily wind up on another TV show. That would make me happy too. But I think I’d opt for a supporting part next time. Being one of the leads on a one-hour drama has been an incredible experience, but it’s also been extremely challenging. I’m pleased to be part of a story that’s given pleasure to so many people across the world, but I won’t be sorry when it comes to an end. I’ll be excited to begin that next chapter, whatever it looks like. Be it movies or television or a dinner theater near you - I’ll embrace it.

… nice, "a dinner theatre near you" lol… so when PB ends I’ll run out and buy a seasons pass to Stage West and Jubilations Dinner Theatre…. Never know if Mr. Miller will be traipsing across the stage. Sweet. Up close and personal. I’ll be there front row centre.

On a side note… I’m pissed that Fox plays games with viewers… I’m so tired of ‘ooohhh… PB is delayed because of baseball or a hiatus or we just don’t feel like airing an episode’… it just BS. Fox is killing this show. I’m cranky cuz there is no PB this week. Where’s the monkey so I can shoot at it?… *ARG*

ok… I love that people are so creative and funny! These crack me up!

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES..
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat . Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

And the best one:

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer. No longer needed,
Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.

I love this show! Seriously, it’s a huge contender to 24 and Prison Break! The story is so compelling and interesting. I love that it is EVERY WEEK and takes no hiatus! This episode was absolutely phenomenal!

"Hello, May I speak to Brandon’s mom please?"

"Speaking."

"This is the principal calling,"

‘Great’ I thought, ‘either the school is burning down or he’s in trouble.’

"We’ve had an incident involving your son and another little boy in school."

"ok…" it’s the latter… little shiz disturber…

"He was in the bathroom with the other boy and he was going to spank a classmate’s bum, so the other boy peed all over your child from head to toe."

I began to smirk… "Really?"

"Yes. Your son said he was hiding his hand behind his back and was going to spank the other boys bum while he was peeing. He other child didn’t want to be spanked so he peed on your son. Now we’ve given him a new shirt and we’re wondering what you want us to do? If you want us to send him on the bus or if you’d like to pick him up?"

I began to laugh really hard. For 2 minutes straight I just sat on the phone laughing. "Sorry" was all I could sputter. I tried so hard to keep it together. "That’s hilarious! He got peed on cuz he tried to spank another boy?!?" BAHAHAHAAHAH….

 "I hope you’re not going to do this in front of your son," the principal.

 Tears are streaming down my cheeks from laughing…

I take a deep breath."Oh no! Don’t worry, I’m just getting it out now so that when he comes home I’ll be serious." I bite my lip to try to stop myself from giggling again. "I’ll have a talk with him about keeping his hands to himself and to not spank anybody while they are going to the bathroom." I try to sound serious but I’m still killing myself laughing inside.

 "I’ve spoken to both the boys so hopefully this will not happen again," the princial said.

"Yes, of course. Mind you, it is rather funny. Just send him on the bus. If he is full of pee, he can just dry off and take a bath when he gets home. He’s one of 5. If this was my first I’d be freaking out, but this is funny and really the punishment fits the crime. I don’t mean to be making light of the situation, but you’ve got to admit… it’s funny." I responded.

 "Yes, and when they are out of my presence I will be doing the same thing you are," she replied.

Never a dull moment in our house. I always thought Josh would be the first one to cause trouble and have the principal call me, but I guess it’s Brandon. That surprises me.

Still… I can’t believe he got peed on. When I told Ryan he just laughed and said, "When I was in Grade 1, I got peed on too." LOL… like father like son.  

We never did get to go to Bolero cuz it was too busy… who knew you had to book a couple weeks in advance for this crazy place?!? Well, instead we went to ‘Glory of India’ downtown and that sucked. The food wasn’t good. We’ve been to other similar places like the Taj Mahal and Rajoot. Those 2 restaurants are fabulous! This one, not so much. The food came out luke warm like it had been sitting under the warming bulbs and it was not served very attractively. It was served on a TV dinner type plate. So unappealing.

The CPO was a bust as well. The first 1/2 hour sucked because they featured this ‘new’ composer and he sucked. He composed a song called Dragon Relams and it was horrific. LOL… the people in front of us were hilarious because of their total and complete disdain for the song. Their facial expressions were so funny. They were just disgusted. It sounded like the orchestra tuning. It was a dark and disturbing song. When the song was introduced, the conductor talked about it like it was the greatest thing ever.

After the performance, which went on for waaaay to long, Ryan leans over to me and whispers, “This is like the Emperor’s Clothes. Where one person is all excited about how fabulous something is and everyone just agrees cuz they don’t want to look like a fool.”

I laughed. It was so true.

“Well, if someone asks me my opinion I’d tell them the truth. It wasn’t something that I liked or like to listen to. ”

Next was some pieces from a Russian composer. Peter somebody. It was ok. Again, it was rather dark and dreary.

During intermission we went up to the balcony. I wanted to sit up there because then I could watch the Clarinet and the Oboe’s play. I could see more of the orchestra. Sitting on the floor I was only able to see the first 2 rows of the Cello’s and violins play. So we sat up to the left of the orchestra…. bad idea…

Now we had to lean forward and turn our necks to see everything… *sigh* Really, the ideal seats I think are on the 1st balcony but just facing straight on.

Roberto Brahm’s music was beautiful! I loved it. However, had a hard time enjoying it because of the seats. Should have just sat in our good seats on the floor. Ah well….

So I was hoping that we would be able to go see a movie after, but by the time the CPO got out the movies had all started. So we just went to the Cactus Club restaurant and had 4 kinds of dessert. Pumpkin cheesecake, chocolate lava cake, apple pie, and a strawberry cheesecake. I like them all except for the pumpkin cheesecake. It was yummy. My fav. was the apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream and the strawberry cheesecake.

Well, the evening royally sucked. *sigh* Ah well. We’ll have to do a ‘do over’ date. It was nice to get out.

Prison Break Interference

WOW!!! I’m impressed. In this episode, I was quite impressed with Went’s acting ability. Sometimes I feel he’s so stone faced you see no other emotion besides the ‘blue steel’ look.

The Interference episode really gave him some emotion to pull from. It was fabulous! I loved the scared look! He really looked scared out of his mind when the guard had the gun to his head. The frustration, anger, helplessness he displayed throughout was great. It’s really nice to see him being tested and pulled in all those directions in one episode.

“Fighting with you is like wrestling in the mud with a pig. You are both getting dirty, except the pig is enjoying the mud.”

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Holy Hell! Ryan is hilarious sometimes….

Man! What a great line… he slams me and gives a great simile. How can I get mad at that?!? That was just too funny… Funny cuz it’s soooo true! I love getting in a good fight. Ryan hardly EVER fights with me. He just nods his head, says “sorry” and that’s it…

Every now and then when I do get him angry enough to fight, he finds it exhausting. I, on the other hand, find it a lot of fun and a great challenge.

It gets to the point where he’s arguing his point and I just begin to grin cuz he’s actually engaging me. He gets so upset when I start to laugh or grin, so I jump right in and get muddy with a little mischievous glint in my eye. Whoo hoo!

The time is once again approaching for the birthday of the good ole’ ball and chain. Where does he want to go? The answer shocked me.

The Phantom of the Opera.

I was pleasantly surprised. Mind you I really should not have been because he LOVES the ballet. The guy loves the ballet more than me. I like going to the ballet, but he seriously GETS INTO IT. After their performance he’s enthusiastically clapping and giving a standing ovation. I mean it was good, but Holy chocolate starfish batman…. settle down!

*sigh* I’m not sure if I need to be worried or not. I’m watching him very closely… not saying anything… just observing. And as anyone who knows me knows… it’s when I DON’T say anything, it is a red flag.

Since I’m not going to fly him to the US to watch Phantom I’ve decided to go to the CPO . I love classical music and it’s Roberto’s Beautiful Brahms playing. I’m excited! I always plan things that I want to do on his bday cuz he never does anything for mine so I take advantage of being the planner. For dinner we’ll go to Bolero. A friend of mine told me it’s good. I’ve never been there, but would love to check it out. I like going to new places and try new things. After if there’s time we’ll go to a movie.
I think he’ll like it. If not ah well. We’ll do that this Saturday.

Then on his actual birthday day, I think we’ll go to the ballet. The Alberta Ballet is playing Othello. I’ve read the book and I’d love to see the ballet. Maybe do a dinner or something as well before.

Anyway, should be fun as always. Happy Birthday on the 25 to the sweet B&C!

So PB was postponed because of stupid baseball. That sucks monkey balls! This is why I just buy the Season and watch it all at once. I’m seriously contemplating quiting this show and stop watching it online cuz I can’t stand the breaks and hiatus. It’s so much better to watch the show over 2 or 3 days than a year. Fox is planning to stop the show again. It’s ridiculous and super annoying. I don’t have the patience for that. Fox execs need to be slapped upside the head with a rotten banana. It’s not suspense people it’s called irritating!

When they consider their show numbers I wonder if they consider how many DVD seasons are sold. I know a lot of people that don’t watch the show on TV, but wait for the DVD’s to come out. You’d think they would right?!?… then again… I do question the brains of the operation. I think their hamster is dead.

Awww… Wentworth looks sad, tired and a little bored in this pic. Just makes you want to give the poor guy a hug and take him to Starbucks for a little comfort drink.

His eye brows arc. How perfect is that? My daughter’s eyebrows do the same thing. It’s just gorgeous! I love it.

With how much good ole Wentworth loves SB he should do an ad for them.

“Wentworth Miller… coming to a Starbucks near you.”
“Hot and Steamy or cool and creamy. ”

I already hear a herd of screaming women stampeding for SB right now. The guy already promotes their product by his daily trips to SB, he might as well capitalize on it. I’m sure SB sales go up every time WM is seen slurping his fav. drink.

from JJ

I looked around on the net to see if they had any specific ad campaigns and they have minimal advertising…

Well of course they don’t have to do advertising cuz celebs like WM do it for free just by going there and having their pics taken by the paps. THAT’S SB marketing campaign… Brilliant!

I love SB myself. I always make 9:50pm appearances to order a Venti Milk Steamer with Whipped topping, caramel or toffee nut syrup, and caramel on top. Then I stand at the little mixing stand for 5 minutes adding a swirl of honey, a shake of cinnamon, nutmeg, chocolate and vanilla powder. Mmmmm… so yummy.

Smallville Cure

*ugh* I can’t watch this show anymore…. The writers have killed this series. I cannot stand the feigned “drama” and the stupid “triangles” they try to weave into their stories. It’s just ridiculous. This show has jumped the shark and really should have ended on a high note after season 5. Unless things change the show will be going down on a “should have ended 2 seasons ago.”

I really hate to say that. I really do. I don’t blame the actors they are doing their job as good as they can with the script they are given. It’s the writers. The horrible writers. I’m really sad, dismayed and quite annoyed that the show is written the way it is. After watching this episode I almost turned it off 3/4 of the way through. It was an agonizing and disappointing show. What was wrong with it? Everything. The dialog just seems so off. The characters will say one thing one episode, then they say the complete opposite thing the next episode. I know this is comic book universe, but I’m beginning to tire of it.

I just wish Tom Welling would go to a different show or start up his movie career. I really want to see him act. He’s an excellent actor and I’d like to see him flex his muscles in some other roles hopefully in front of the camera instead of behind it.

He’s a very private person so unfortunately if Smallville were to end, I’d be afraid that he would vanish into thin air. *sigh* So on one hand I’d like this show to end, yet on the other I want it to go on so I can watch TW every week. I hope he picks some good projects and is planning his career for post Smallville.

If I try knowing there is little hope of succeeding I risk failure. Not to try assures it.

I don’t normally talk about these dreams. They disturb me to the core. I need to pay attention to what they are telling me because from past experience, ignoring them and still forging ahead has been disastrous for myself. I need to stop and make changes in my life. He’s back. He’s circling. I feel His presence near.

“He can’t hurt you if you don’t let Him.” I think to myself. It’s something my Bishop once told them me.

“You have control.” My Bishop also told me.

I’m scared. I’m really scared. Not a lot scares me….But HE does. I need to be careful. I need to be very careful. Watchful. Ever cautious.

Am I crazy? Maybe…. But when I push these dreams down and not change something or try to change something, it will haunt me for the rest of my life like it already has. But what do I do? What do I do? I feel the panic arise within me.

“STOP IT! Control! You have control!” I scream at myself…. no one hears but me.

No one understands. Unless you’ve gone through it, no one understands. I’m all alone on this one… I am, yet I know I’m not… He just wants me to think I am. I am strong. I just have to look up to feel the love and strength… yet I don’t look. I need to look. If I don’t He will get me again and bring me down further.

The fear rises from within and is stronger. Like a wave is pulses through my body.

“QUIT RUNNING!” I scream at myself. “Pray. It’s the only help you’ll get.”

I have nothing to lose… except my mind. It’s racing like a wild, untamed horse.

“Slow down!” I scream to myself. My heart is pounding. I can hear it in my head. It’s about to beat out of my chest. Panic sets in and my breathing increases.

“Pray NOW!” I urgently tell myself.

I sob, clasp my hands and bow my head.

“Please Father, Help ME!” I plead. “I can’t do this alone….” I pray for 10 minutes sobbing. It’s powerful, meaningful and from the heart. I feel love and peace wash over me, quieting my fears. They are still there. The fears are still lurking, but calmness has settled in. Anytime I feel the fear try to take over I must pray. It’s the only way to stop fear from grabbing me and making me feel out of control.

I take a deep breath. I can continue. I’ve got to work it out. I’ve got to try to figure out what it means. I MUST make changes. It’s not about me anymore….

People dismiss it.

“It’s not real. It’s your imagination.” they tell me or I’m mocked or laughed at. Now I don’t tell anyone. I keep it to myself. No one understands. Why would they? “It’s crazy talk.” It’s not. I’m sure they wish it was. I wish it was. Unfortunately it’s not.

Everyone has their ‘gifts’. This is one of mine. It scares me, but I must embrace it. I can no longer run from it. Along with this gift, I was also given another gift: “you possess a power capable of dispelling evil.”

Why these ones? *sigh* I have others. This one just gives me the most grief.

‘The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to make people believe that he wasn’t real.’

I think I heard that line once. In a movie? Was it the ‘Usual Suspects?’ It’s true.

That is a good trick though. Very clever indeed. Bravo. *claps*

He’s left me alone for 6 years now. But now He’s back. Ever since I was a child He has visited me. It got really bad when we were in the duplex in Calgary. Once we moved into this new house and blessed it, the frequency of the nightmares totally ceased. The attacks stopped… Now He is back.

What has changed? What significant thing am I doing in my life that is causing this new assault? Maybe it’s ‘What am I NOT doing?’ It’s a war for your soul. A constant war. People are so blind to it these days. *phft* They don’t believe. But it’s a war. Good vs. Evil. Whether people want to admit it or not. It’s happening. Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. By the looks of things evil is winning. Good is fighting very valiantly. Very courageously. But we all know how the world is going to end…. There’s nothing we can do about that…. It’s what will happen to your soul that will make the difference in the end.

The slow decline of society. It’s a cycle. Look in the history books. It’s happened before. It will happen again. The decay of society. The decay of homes. The decay of families. The decay of self.

What a brilliant attack. Attack the family and society erodes. It happened. It’s happening. I’ve got to protect mine. I haven’t been. That’s the message I think. It’s time to step up, take up the sword and fight back. Protect this home and the souls within.

“These days are worse now than in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.” the RS President told me. *sigh* How sad is that? It’s hard to be strong amongst such opposition. That’s why the children that are coming down are so strong willed and determined. They have to be. They NEED to be. They need to be able to stand for truth and righteousness. There is no fence sitting allowed. The line is drawn. You must choose your side. You can’t have one foot on the good side and one foot on the bad. For if you do, evil will take over and win. It always does. It’s hard to claw your way back to the other side…. Hard…. but not impossible. It just may take a long, long time. The trick is to never give up. Never lose hope…

Hope. A small word but without it you die… literally and figuratively.

…I’ve managed to waste time. Precious time. I need to focus. Focus!…

……
The dreams begins innocently enough. The beginning is a blur. It doesn’t matter. It’s not what counts. It’s the end that’s troubling.

I’m walking towards a room. I’m about to walk in when I notice Him sitting there, facing me at a long table. I stop abruptly. I recognize Him. Except He’s dressed differently this time. He’s all grey. A greyish white from head to toe. Even His clothing is greyish white. He’s wearing a sweater and pants. The sweater is a cotton blend with specks of darker grey in it. Nothing fancy. It looks familiar but I can’t seem to figure out where I’ve seen it before. It’s bulky. It hides His slimness. He’s not heavy by any means. He looks older today. He looks like an ordinary man. His hair is full and swept back. His face is handsome, it hides the ugliness and hate within. He has chiseled chin and cheekbones. His eyes are black as night and very piercing. His nose is neither large nor small. His face is very symmetrical. He looks like a man. But I know who HE is. I’ve seen Him before.

He knows I’m there. He doesn’t look up, but He knows. I step to the side of the door. Still looking in, yet I use the door to partially shield my body. I’m still staring…. ‘What’s He doing here?!?’ I ask myself. My mind begins to race and I feel a little panicky. I’m scared that’s for sure.

He’s doing some sort of light bulb craft. It’s weird. I can’t describe it. He’s doing it haphazardly. Not really investing much of His energy. What He’s really interested in is the boy sitting at a table behind him 2 chairs to his right. He’s not looking at him, but I know He is very interested in him.

I glance at the boy. My heart drops. I gasp in fear and shock. It’s my son Joshua. I have to get him out of there! Joshua is engrossed with his craft. It’s the same craft, except he’s taking pride in his work, concentrating very hard and thoroughly enjoying it. He has no idea of the danger lurking at the table ahead.

I want to scream and cry out, but I don’t. I don’t want to make a scene and draw any attention. I don’t want to scare my boy. The room is white and very bright. I enter the room cautiously. I stare at the Devil. He doesn’t acknowledge my presence and goes through the motions of doing the craft. It’s not me He’s concerned about. He wants the boy.

I walk into the room and keep to the right side, quickly walk past Him and hide in the darkened room just behind them. I stand by the doorway and look to my right. I see Josh through the window. I watch the Devil. That sweater. Where have I seen it before? He turns and looks at Josh. This is my chance!

I run over to the table, take one of the light bulbs and smash it on the Devil’s head. The light bulb shatters and embeds in his head. There is no blood. There is also no reaction. He turns casually and just looks at me. The black eyes piercing me. Studying me in a very calm and cool manner. His face is expressionless.

I’m shocked. ‘What was I thinking? What was I expecting a stupid light bulb would do? I’m an idiot!’ my mind laments. I quickly run towards the outside door and dash along the wall to get around the tables.

“Joshua get out of here! Get out the door! We have to go!” I yell at him as I try to make my way towards him.

Josh looks up at me startled. “I’m making a craft,” he says proudly, “see?”

“Let’s GO! We have to leave NOW!” I say more urgently than before.

Josh gets up to come towards me. Josh is 6 steps away, 4, now only 2. He’s holding his craft in his hands admiring his handiwork. He’s almost at my side, when the devil jumps up in the air, flips mid air and then lands in mid air 10 feet away. He’s about 5 feet off the ground. The devil looks at me and laughs. His black eyes flashing, watching me with pure enjoyment and contempt. The light bulb is still embedded in His head.

“It’s OK. I’ve got this one.” He says and and He morphs into my son Brandon. Brandon is suspended in air. I suddenly recognize the sweater. It’s Brandon’s bulky grey speckled sweater! I’m horrified and shocked.

“Hi mommy! Look at me!” Brandon grins and giggles, “this is fun!” He kicks his feet in the air and waves his arms, amused with the idea that he’s floating and completely unaware of the abhorrent danger that he is in.

I’m filled with dread as I stare at him shocked and helpless. The light bulb is now on my son’s head. I stand there looking up at him wondering what to do. I’m afraid that if I go towards him the Devil will morph back and grab me. If I don’t then Brandon will be captured and gone forever. It looks like Brandon, but I wonder if it is because the light bulb is sticking out of the top of his head.

…..

Then I wake up. I’m filled with panic and dread. Every time I dream of the Devil, it’s a message of some sort. I just need to figure out what it is. I need to make the change in my life, quickly before it’s too late.

Protect this house and the souls within. The precious little souls. I’m not doing my part. I’m not being the mother I should be. I need to take care of their spiritual needs as well as their temporal. If they don’t learn to rely on the Lord, who will teach them? It has to come from me. I need to quit living in my daydreams and start living in my life. It has to start NOW. Before it’s too late…

I rented this at good ole’ BB after seeing the previews. Now, let me just say… I HATE chick flicks… they are not my thing. For me a movie has to have lots of action or a really good drama. I really liked this movie… well everything except for the horrible and repulsive sex scenes… I listened to the DVD commentary and the director makes a remark about how the sex scenes were tastefully done…oh SOOO UNTRUE… I thought they were gratuitous insult to the viewer. You know I don’t have anything against sex scenes in movies, but I think less is more. For example… In “The Bourne Identity” the scene with Bourne and his girlfriend in the bathroom. Starts off innocently and very naturally, then continues to the bedroom, Matt’s shirt comes off, but instead of checking out the fancy moves Matt has, the camera pulls back and fades to black. THAT is something that is tastefully done because it tantalizes you, gives you a little, then leaves it up to your imagination to take it as far as you want it to go. THAT is what tastefully done is people. If I wanted to watch a full on sex show I’d go to the porn shop.

Sex scenes aside this movie was good. Maybe cuz I am 32 this movie does home and I understand it. I feel like I am constantly surrounded by people getting divorced, separating, having affairs and questioning, “am I with the right person?” More than 50% of people are getting divorced these days. More and more couples that actually stay together are a minority. It is such a sad state. It’s so easy to think that you’d be better off, but a lot of times I think people don’t push through their problems. Instead of trying to overcome their problems and fight for their marriage, at the slightest bit of resistance or opposition they run the other way.

I liked the lecture the dad gave to Zach Braff’s character about how there is not just one brunette. There will be several brunettes over the course of his lifetime to tempt him away, but he has to choose to remain faithful everyday. That’s a loose interpretation, but it was something along those lines… That is so true. Marriage is hard work. I also liked what her mother says to her, “you have no idea what goes into a 30 year marriage.” Too true… I’m at 10 years and it has been very hard. Yes, there has been good times, but also lots of sad troubling times. I too could have walked away and gotten a divorce. I would have had a good justification in the world’s eyes. I chose to stay and work it out. We are stronger now than we were 7 years ago or even 5 years ago.

That whole “happily ever after” bit is not true at the end of fairy tale books. It should read, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” There needs to be open communication. loyalty, fidelity, trust and a good friendship established in order for a marriage to survive in this day and age.

Jacinda Barrett was amazing in this movie! Her emotion was raw and gave me chills. I didn’t cry, but I did sympathize. It’s a video rental and worth a look.

Twas the night before Ryan came home when, when all through the house (only 1 more day of freedom from the ball and chain!)
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (thanks to mouse poison)
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, (it’s about time!)
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads. (as long as they stay sleeping I’m happy)

Alright… enough of that..

I finally decided to sit down and watch the Human Stain I rented from Blockbuster over the weekend. It was 10pm and for some reason I had the munchies. I was craving Lays potato chips - the sea salt and pepper kind… now I don’t know WHAT is wrong with me cuz I HATE chips. I usually only eat 3 then I’m done… I couldn’t kick the craving, it was gnawing at me badly so I gave in… I bounced over to Shoppers Drug Mart (all other stores are closed in this blasted town) to pick some up and of course they didn’t have any “Lays” brand. They had other brands… but not the same. True to form, I only ate 3 then put down the bag. Yuck. Chips just make me feel gross. I’m sooo not a savory type person… just a crazy sweet tooth.

After indulging in my craving and taking 3 bites, I was glad that it was over… I could now move on to the good stuff! I snuggled up in the theater room with the featherbed, some Hot Tamales and a kit kat bar. Nothing like having something hot and sweet! My method of attack? First pop a hot tamale in your mouth, chew a couple of times, then chase it with 1/2 a kit kat bar, let the flavors dance around on your taste buds… so yummy. I love the chewiness of it all… It’s all good.


I didn’t have any expectations of this movie. I didn’t really know what it was about, just knew that Wentworth was in it. I was really impressed with Miller’s portrayal of Young Coleman Silk. HE was impressive! The anguish on his face and the minor facial fluctuations were amazing. I can always tell when an actor is “faking it” … when they are not into their character and just saying the words, but WOW!!! Wentworth totally nailed his character. I’m not being biased just cuz I like PB or WM. I would rake him over the coals in a second if I didn’t like it. I watched him very carefully and he was so good at showing the range in emotion needed for this character. He was the only good thing about the movie. He definitely stole the show!

I thought the movie could have been better. It had great potential, but unfortunately I felt that it was all over the place. If they would have written a script that would have dealt more with Young Coleman’s issues of being black and concentrated on that then it would have been good. The writer just had too many plots going and didn’t piece them together very well. I really didn’t care for the sex scenes with Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman. That’s an image that needs to be forgotten. I didn’t need to see naked Jacinda Barrett or Nicole. I just don’t feel nudity is necessary for that film… I think when people say the sex scenes and nudity are “tastefully done” they are not. The majority of nude scenes could have been avoided. Jacinda looks better as a brunette. I don’t like her as a blond. She did a good job with her character though.

I wanted to see more scenes with Wentworth. Those were all fantastic. Everything else about the movie sucked raw eggs to be blunt. One of the last scenes in the movie with Wentworth and his mother made me tear up… that is huge since I don’t cry. It was very touching and very sad. This movie really had potential to be amazing. Wentworth really did his job, too bad the script was so weak on everyone else’s part.

Wentworth Miller talks about the Human stain.

His mind operates in a very deliberate and methodical manner and Tom Welling dislikes being rushed or forced into give an opinion before he has thoroughly ruminated and digested an idea. He is also difficult to sway once his mind is made up.

Though slower at grasping new concepts or learning new skills, he is patient and persevering and in fact, often becomes quite adept at whatever he sets his mind to for he is willing to devote much time and attention to it. Tom Welling succeeds, not so much because of his intellectual brilliance, but because he has the ability to concentrate and follow a project through to its completion. Tom has an aptitude for singing or drawing.

Tom Welling thinks a great deal about his career, his reputation and public image, and the way he makes a contribution or impact on the world at large. Public speaking or some other form of communication is likely to be an important aspect of Tom Welling’s work.

Tom Welling has an aptitude for solving difficult mental problems due to his careful, methodical approach, attention to detail and tenacity in following a matter through to its conclusion. Tom Welling has well-honed powers of concentration and enjoys studying and thinking in solitude. Welling can get entirely wrapped up in his own thoughts and completely engrossed in a minor detail. He is slow and cautious, but extremely thorough in his work. Conservative and somewhat of a skeptic, he may be narrow-minded or closed to any idea that has no concrete proof or scientific verification. He prefers dealing with facts rather than abstract speculation. Tom Welling may also be distrustful or fearful of anything he cannot understand with his rational mind. He is well-suited to work in research or any field that requires careful study and thought.

Welling will notice that the description below contradicts some of the statements made in the previous paragraphs. So far, Tom Welling’s thinking was depicted as careful, conservative, methodical and possibly narrow or rigid, while the following information defines his mind as quick and innovative. Both are true! Tom Welling incorporates both ways of thinking - the inspired-inventive and the deductive-ordered. Here is a description of the more free-flowing aspect:

Tom Welling has a brilliant, inventive mind, and Welling’s sudden flashes of insight and clear perception enable him to grasp concepts very quickly. At times Welling’s mind flits from one subject to the next so rapidly that Tom Welling cannot thoroughly digest any of them. Tom gets bored and restless, and intellectually rebels against too much tedium. He may be abrupt and impatient with people who plan and plod along, because Tom Welling likes to be open to inspiration and spontaneous. Welling could invent or discover something truly original, unique or unheard of.

Tom Welling has a probing, penetrating mind and in his view, nothing is as simple, innocent, or straightforward as it appears. He may not totally understand the undercurrents he perceives, the secret machinations, the dark underside of a person or situation - but he is intrigued by them and Tom sometimes cannot stop thinking about them. Once Welling’s interest has been piqued, he can become obsessed with getting to the bottom of the matter. At times Tom Welling makes more of something than is actually the case, like assigning dark, convoluted motives to a person where none exist.

Tom Welling has a positive outlook on life, is far-sighted and prudent, and has a wealth of thoughts. Welling tends to plan large scale projects or ventures and is likely to be very successful. Tom has good business associations and he also loves social meetings.

He may have to deal with considerable nervous tension and is inclined to see everything a little cloudy. Expressing what is on his mind could be hard for Tom Welling, and he could either intentionally or inadvertently deceive others, or vice versa.

Oh wow! I’m so excited for the next episodes of Prison Break. This little peek into their future filming looks good. I want this show to pick up… I’m so not used to watching week by week. I like buying the Season DVD and watching the entire season all at once.

Sara’s head in a box. I wasn’t surprised. Once I read the description for the episode I thought they would either put a body part in there or kill someone. Then at the end where Linc discovers the box, I guessed right. It would be Sara chopped into bits. Too bad for the Sara/Michael plot line, but holy snuffleupagus pants Michael is going to FREAK once he finds out. I’m looking forward to seeing THAT episode. The show is still intriguing and interesting. It feels like it’s moving so painfully slow. I hope the pace will pick up a bit. I’m tired of all this waiting and fluff they are feeding the viewers right now.

Also, the bad chick that’s always talking to Linc… LOL… she’s not very convincing as a bad ass chick. She’s too cute and prissy. She needs more gun practice because when she shot that guy in the last episode she closed her eyes and her hand recoiled so badly from the shot! LOL LOL LOL!!! It was like she was scared of the force of the gun. Ah… good times… good times…

ok…. when Linc starts pummeling and fighting anyone, I get so freakn’ excited! I LOVE a great fight scene and Dominic just goes nuts! It’s so awesome to watch him beat someone up… I was waiting to see him pummel someone in the second season and when he finally does I was cheering and screaming at the TV. I was so pumped! Good Golly Miss Molly when he beats someone up I’m just over the moon happy. Linc needs to beat people up more on Prison Break…IMHO…

Except I have a huge problem…I think Jack Bauer needs to give Linc some tips and hits on knocking out someone. Everytime Jack pounds someone 3 times, the person is down and out for the rest of the show. Linc gets in there and kicks serious ass (it looks even better than Jack kicking butt)… but for some reason the guy Linc just beat up still manages to get up…  WTF!?! NO WAY! After getting a serious beating from Linc they should be out for the count…. I dunno… maybe the Fox writers should get Jack and Linc together for a little lesson…

From Top Synergy More about Tom…

I don’t know if he is like this or not… he’d be the only one to tell ya.

Although Tom Welling is quite proud and likes to show off and impress other people with his accomplishments and appearance (as described on the previous page) - he is really quite practical, solid, and down to earth (as discussed below). Because of this, he is likely to actually earn the right to be admired - that is, to have actually done something to be proud of. He is a steadfast and patient soul, capable of tremendous devotion, dedication, endurance and constancy. The ability to follow through and stick with things is one of his greatest assets. Once Welling’s course is set, he pursues it tenaciously until it is completed, stubbornly resisting any attempts to sway him from his purpose.

Tom Welling has a very practical nature; he wants to see concrete, tangible results for his efforts, and he is not one to concoct wild dreams that are unlikely to come into fruition. Most of his "wild dreams" have to do with material achievements, well-being and security, for he has a great love of the physical world and he wants to experience and enjoy it to the full. Though Tom Welling will work long and persistently, he also has a strong sensual and comfort-loving side, and he wants to enjoy what he has worked for. In fact, Welling can be enormously lazy at times and has a tendency to overindulge in good food and other earthly pleasures.

Tom Welling also loves the beauty of the natural world and he probably prefers a serene country setting to an urban life style. Basically, his needs are simple and he is easy to please. Tom Welling has a strong desire for security, stability and peace, and will rarely make changes unless he is forced to do so. He is not very demanding emotionally, though he does crave a great deal of physical closeness and affection. Because of his faithfulness, emotional steadfastness and gentle strength, others often depend upon Welling for support. Though he hates upheaval and sudden changes, Tom Welling usually maintains his poise and equanimity.

Tom Welling also has an innate sense of harmony with nature, allowing things to grow and unfold in their own time and the patience to nurture something into being - be it a garden, a child, or a creative project. He makes an excellent parent, especially if he follows his instincts more often than "the experts". Tom has three major faults: one is his bullheaded obstinacy. The second is his unwillingness to deviate from his safe, predictable routine. And the third is Welling’s tendency to always insist upon realism and undervalue the imaginative, speculative, and fanciful - in other words, Tom Welling lacks the ability to play with ideas and possibilities, and to open his mind to new horizons. His career, reputation and public image are very important to Welling.

Tom Welling has a strong desire to be influential or make his mark on the world. He is not satisfied with the personal sphere alone; his ambitions include making a major contribution and receiving broad recognition for his unique effort and gifts. Tom Welling may undervalue the personal or inner facet of life. Tom Welling tends to see things from his perspective only and to be rather subjective. He also enjoys talking and expressing his views but does not always listen as well. Tom Welling has a clear mind, a love of learning and new experiences, and he needs constant mental stimulation and activity. Tom Welling often feels that he is at cross purposes with himself, for his conscious intentions and desires conflict with his subconscious emotional needs and drives. He is torn in two different directions. Tom has difficulty satisfying both his need to be an individual and his need for caring relationships and a sense of belonging. Moreover, Tom sends out mixed messages so people do not always know how to respond to him or what Tom really wants, thereby creating confusion or conflict in close relationships. He is often plagued by feelings of personal inadequacy, inhibitions and self-doubt.

Tom Welling has a cautious, realistic attitude toward life and is highly responsible and disciplined with regard to his obligations and duties. Tom Welling tends to work and struggle more than necessary and to take himself too seriously. Although he takes himself and his responsibilities seriously, there is also a part of Tom Welling that rebels against rules and restrictions and the need to contend with outside authority. Welling can feel torn between conforming to the rules or fulfilling his obligations, and breaking free of them. His wilder side will now be described. If he follows his true nature, his life is apt to be unconventional, unusual, controversial and full of insecurity and excitement. Tom Welling cannot and will not be forced into a pre-set mold, and Tom finds it difficult to conform. His offbeat interests and tastes lead Welling to ventures that others may consider too "far-out" or experimental. Tom Welling has a very creative, inventive streak. He is warm-hearted, kind, generous and very popular, especially with the opposite sex. Welling’s happy feelings rub off onto others and everyone enjoys being with him. Due to a protective and encouraging upbringing, his relationships with his parents are good.

Astrological factors in this section: Ascendant in Leo and Sun in Taurus Sun in Taurus Sun in 10th house Sun Conjunct Mercury Sun Square Moon Sun Square Saturn Sun aspects Saturn and Uranus Sun Opposition Uranus Sun Conjunct Venus/Jupiter

I’ve been meaning to write this down, but have been too busy to do so since this summer and been a whirl wind of activities.

We went out with friends of ours to celebrate his birthday. We went to this fantastic Greek restaurant out here, the food is so yummy in your tummy and the rack of lamb is to die for. 15 minutes into our lovely evening our appetizers had just been placd in front of us when Ryan’s cell phone rang…

“Hi! This is your neighbor, I just thought I’d call you to let you know that your son Brandon is missing.”

Dog-gone-it that boy!

“The babysitter is looking for him at the park, my wife is driving around the neighborhood and we are going to check your house once more to see if he is hiding anywhere,” our nice neighbor says.

*sigh*

Now at this point we have a decision to make. Do we get up to leave to aid in the search or do we sit and eat because we are starving. Our friends look at us all frantic and ask for a report on how their 2 sweet girls are doing and if they are ok. Of course their kids are doing great.

“Should I go back and try to find him?” I ask Ryan.

“No, they’ll find him. There’s nothing more we can do. They are already looking for him,” he says as he munches down on the plate of appetizers.

I know he is right, but I still think we should go look.

“No, I’m not ruining my dinner. Just give them another 20 minutes.” Ryan says calmly. When Ryan is hungry and there is food in front of him, heaven or hell can’t move him until he is full.

“Did you say they were going to look through our house?!?” I gasped.

“Yep”

I groaned. Earlier that morning Ryan had decided to “clean” the walk in closet. I didn’t let him touch my side or my clothes, but he “cleaned” out his side…. So Ryan’s definition of “clean” is to take EVERYTHING that he owns and that is his and throw it on the floor in the hallway, on our bed and on the floor as he sorts through everything.

BEFORE he started this “project” I made him promise that he would have it done by 5:00pm when we had to go out for dinner. After promising and assuring me it would all get done he proceeded with the mayhem. I just stayed downstairs because you couldn’t even walk in the halls or anywhere upstairs. There were clothes, hangers, shoes, belts, ties, socks and all sorts of things piled and thrown around… After 5 hours of working away - he’s very meticulous and perfectionist when it comes to sorting his clothes, folding them just so and putting them back in closet - he still wasn’t done. I was annoyed and tried to help but he flipped out. It didn’t come as a surprise when 5:00pm came and he wasn’t even 1/2 done.

We just left the crazy mess all there and told the babysitter not to let the kids play up in our room or in the hallway upstairs…. The image of the horrible chaos seared in my brain when I the next horrifying thought ran through…. ‘The neighbors are going to be looking all over our house for Brandon’…that would mean they will be going upstairs to the mess that Ryan left behind. Holy Hell!

I reminded Ryan of the disaster that he left and began to complain that he didn’t get it all finished in time and now our NEIGHBORS are going to be traipsing through the mess.

Ryan just shrugged and happily munched away on the food. I looked at him and wished he would choke on the shrimp. I was worried about Brandon but also embarrassed and horrified over the disarray they would encounter upstairs.

“Maybe Brandon isn’t even upstairs, he’s probably hiding in the toy closet”Ryan offers, “there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“Except maybe go and help so they don’t have to do into our house!” I snap as I get up trying to leave.

“I’m not giving you the keys and I’m not having my dinner ruined. They’ll find him. Sit down.” Ryan says firmly.

“I swear to God, if I was Darth Vader you’d be in a lot of pain right now!” I seethe.

Ryan just laughs at me.

Sure enough 10 minutes later the neighbor calls back.

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know my wife found your son.”

“Thank you so much for all your help! Where was he?”

“He had fallen asleep under all the clothes and blankets that were on your bed in your room.”

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah… the wonderfulness of Thanksgiving. I LOVE this holiday! WHY? Because I do nothing. This year I brought some yummy buns over to Ryan’s parents house and we ate. I like it when I don’t have to plan everything and do everything. It’s nice to be able to take a break.

Saturday we took the kids to Callaway Park. Always a fun time. It was only +10C so it was a little chilly. We just bundled up, packed a lunch and went. It was FREE day because it was Calgary Coop day. Show your COOP card and you get in for free. This is the only time we go to Callaway cuz normally it would cost us our 1st born to get in.

1st stop was the haunted house. Laura and Josh went through saying, “this is not scary! this is soooo fake!” Brandon just followed behind them with his eyes wide as a saucer scared, but trying to be brave. “Ya, mom… this is fake….right?” he asked. Before I could answer Laura and Josh would pipe up, “Totally fake Brandon!” He stared intently at my face waiting for my answer. I smiled and said, “yes, it’s just pretend. Don’t worry, I’m right behind you.” Mya on the other hand cried all the way through.

As we worked our way around the park going on rides the sun came out and a light breeze swept through scattering the leaves off the trees onto the ground. It was a perfect beautiful fall day. Fall is by far, my favorite season. I love it! I love the smell of fall. I love running through the leaves and hearing the crunch under your feet.

All was good until we got to the twirling strawberry. Now just for the record, I love amusement park rides. I don’t have issues with getting sick or anything…. until today. So the family piles into the big enclosed strawberry and it has a wheel in the center that you turn. The faster you turn it, the faster it spins… now this wheel is heavy to spin, but I didn’t marry no whim and Ryan can spin this thing like crazy. Normally he keeps it under control, but not today. With the boys screaming and encouraging him on he spun us so hard that we couldn’t even lift our heads up. Our bodies were plastered against the wall of this strawberry. It was the longest 3 min. of my life. It felt like 20min. I felt so sick. All the girls were screaming at him to stop and slow down, all the boys were screaming to go faster…. next year the boys are going on their OWN strawberry and the girls will have one to ourselves. Egad!

So for the next hour I felt sick to my stomach. Ryan just grinned his Cheshire cat grin all proud that he was able to make me feel nauseous. I’m going to plot revenge. I think I’m going to make some ex-lax bran muffins for him…

We went and watched a Pirate musical that they put on at the park theater. It was fun for the kids. The songs were lip synced. The actors and actresses tried hard and I thought they were pretty good considering they were probably 18 or 19. The one pirate was easy on the eyes so I it was tolerable. After sitting through a bunch of “ARRRR, A Pirate goes ARRR” songs I was so grateful to see sunlight once again.

The kids went from one ride to the next very quickly. The lines were small so my kids went on the roller coaster 1o times in a row. They just jumped off the ride, ran back to the start of the line up and were back on the ride right away. The cool air thankfully kept a lot of people away.

At 5:30pm we stopped at the candy shop on our way out and got those huge lollipops for everyone. All in all it was a fun, relaxing day.

Sunday we went over to Ryan’s parents house for dinner. It was yummy… except for the turkey. Ryan’s dad decided to cook it in white wine. I didn’t like it. I don’t mind wine cooked in my food sometimes, but not on turkey. It tasted off. They should have deep fried it like they did last year. THAT was delish! Everything else was yummy. I loved the ham and I’m finally starting to like sweet potatoes… I think it’s cuz Ryan’s sister made them and she put lots of brown sugar in it… All hail sugar! Nothing says lovin’ like lots of sugar! I’ve got a crazy sweet tooth.

I’m finally feeling comfortable in Ryan’s family. It’s been 13 years now and FINALLY I’m getting used to the way they do things. They are a very tight and close knit family - which is strange to me cuz my family just isn’t. We had a great time laughing and talking with all the family. It was fantastic. The teasing and ribbing that goes on amongst the siblings is really funny. They all have a good head on their shoulder and they are smart. I’m truly impressed by his youngest brother. He’s 23 and he’s looking for “THE” girl to settle down with, but he’s taking his time, dating lots of girls figuring out what characteristics he likes and doesn’t like. He’s looking for someone who is well rounded, smart, kind, fun and knows what she wants out of life. I really respect that in him. He’s always been so mature for his age. I’m glad he’s not jumping into marriage with the first girl who’s shaking her tail at him. He’s really being thorough. I tell ya, the girl that he marries is one lucky girl. He’s a good kid. He’s smart, humble, helpful, spiritual, kind, charitable and genuinely concerned for others. You don’t see that in a lot of younger guys these days. I’ve known him since he was 8 years old and he’s always possessed those characteristics. Wow! That seems so weird, but ya Ryan and I started dating when we were 19 and he was only 8. Crazy how time flies.

Earlier I took Ryan’s other brother, his wife and their 2 kids out to Lake Sundance to do their family pics. They turned out good. The fall leaves are beautiful and the sunlight around 4pm was perfect lighting. I wanted them to snap a couple of pics of our family since Ryan bailed out last weekend to get our pics done… but surprise, surprise Ryan was too hungry to pose for pics. He refused yet again… I’m soooo annoyed. Seriously. ANNOYED. *sigh* I really want fall pics done again this year, but he’s not cooperating. I was hoping to do them today but it’s overcast and really cold today. I wish he would realize that having family pics done is important to me and just amuse me on this one.

This is a fun and great interview. Everyone is so laid back and seems like they have a great sense of humor.

This is a HILARIOUS interview with Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell. The french radio hosts speak in French then translate in very broken English. Dominic wasn’t able to understand them very well and passes the questions onto Went. Went is so very patient and kind with them. He is very charming and sweet. It’s a VERY long interview but I found it amusing…especially because Dominic doesn’t understand what they are saying and for his sake I hope his wife doesn’t find this interview… LOL! 1/2 the interview is good, the rest is a French translation talking over Went and Dom speaking.

When asked what character from literature Wentworth Miller would like to play: "Well, if we can expand the definition of literature to include comic books, I’d definitely love a crack at "General Zod" from "Superman". So I’m hoping that Bryan Singer makes a sequel to the "Superman" that’s coming out and casts me" (TV Guide, April 10-16,2006).

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!! I’d love to see him do that role! Only if Tom Welling could be superman. NOW I would pay major $$$ to go see that combo! Wentworth and Tom in a movie together? That would be a dream come true!

I love all these pics of his photoshoot with Bean Pole Jeans. It’s good to see him doing some ads and cash in on the $$$ for doing ads.

This is the ad for TV… but I think the company made a MAJOR mistake and didn’t put his face in the ad. His face sells. If I saw this ad I wouldn’t have a clue that it was Went. To me, it would be just another ass…. BUT if they had his FACE in the ad and you’d KNOW for certain that it’s Went’s ass… I’d go to the store… Too bad they don’t sell them here in Canada…. but hey, what do I know? I’m just a consumer, not a marketer or advertiser… but I should get into that field cuz I enjoy it…. update… of course youtube sucks so they took the actual ad off. Sucks to be them. Here is another video of Went doing the ad.

This is the sexiest ad I’ve ever seen. See… this just proves my point that people don’t have to strip down and get naked for an ad. Wentworth is fully clothed yet he is just brimming full of sexuality and sensuality! GAH….

More about Tom from Top Synergy

How Tom Welling approaches life and how Tom Welling appears To others.

 
The following is a description of Tom’s basic stance toward life, the way others see him, the way Tom Welling comes across, the face he shows to the world. In the page about motivation you will read about the inner Tom Welling - his real motivation, which describes the kind of person he is at heart and where his true priorities lie.

Study this page and the next one and compare them - there may be significant differences between the two, in which case "the inner Tom Welling" may not shine through and others may be in for so a few surprises once they get to know Tom a little better. This page describes the disguise Welling wears, his role in life, while the page about motivation talks about the real person beneath the disguise.

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, Tom Welling likes to be impressive and to be considered special and unique. He is not timid, meek, or self-effacing, and is rarely content with staying in the background or in a subordinate position. He is a natural leader, and does not take orders from others very well. Welling must have something of his own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home or whatever - that he can develop and manage according to his own will and vision. Whatever Tom does, he does it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. He likes to put his own personal stamp on it.

Tom Welling also has a very strong sense of dignity, self-respect, and personal honor and is deeply offended if someone treats him in a humiliating or dishonorable way. Welling will rarely confront the offender - he is too proud to do so - but he will lose his affection and respect for them. Tom dislikes pettiness and hates to be snubbed or ignored. Welling admires others who are strong individuals like himself.

When Tom Welling befriends someone, Welling is tremendously loyal, sincere, and willing to go to extraordinary lengths to make that person happy. He is very giving and generous, but his gifts are never anonymous - Tom expects recognition and appreciation for them. He also expects the intense loyalty that he offers to his dear ones to be reciprocated. However, Tom Welling often has trouble developing relationships with people who are as strong as himself, for he does not really cooperate or share the leading role very easily. If he is not in the leading role, he aspires to be and will compete with the person who is. Tom Welling has great heart and courage, and people often look to him for strength, encouragement, and affirmation. Tom always puts his best face forward and rarely allows others to see him hurting, disheartened, or vulnerable.

Tom Welling also has a very strong need for love, admiration, appreciation, and praise, although he does not like others to realize just how important it is to him. His outlook on life tends to be very personal and rather self-centered. His own self-expression, self-actualization and self-realization interest Tom more than anything else. Tom Welling feels that if he does his best where he is, the rest of the world will take care of itself. Tom Welling has a sunny disposition that usually elicits a warm response from others. He is a wonderful entertainer and he has a gift for putting others in a good mood. Tom Welling tends to take himself and his dignity seriously, and thus to inhibit his spontaneous creativity and dramatic impulses.

Tom Welling appears mature, disciplined, controlled, and somewhat authoritarian to others. He is overly responsible much of the time, and tends to be far too hard on himself. Despite the fact that his core self is quite distinct from the face the world generally sees, Tom Welling has a strong desire to be seen and recognized, to be acknowledged, and to have a significant impact on people in his environment. He may do remarkable things in order to be noticed. However, Tom Welling often does not get the full recognition he yearns for.

Tom Welling comes across as quirky, unusual, offbeat and "different". Sometimes he appears to provoke people and upset the status quo just by being himself. Welling tends to be restless, excitable and somewhat ungrounded or nervous as well. Tom has an appealing physical appearance, which - along with his winning ways - is likely to make him a favorite in his immediate environment. Tom Welling is the "easy" one, and he knows how to please others. However, Welling must not take his personal charm for granted, because he may also come across as vain or too needy for approval. Welling projects a feeling of broad-mindedness, generosity, and beneficence, a sense that he is someone others should listen to and treat with respect. Because Tom Welling generally makes such a favorable impression on people, many doors are open to him, and he may appear to be somewhat luckier than other people. This is primarily due to the confidence that Tom Welling emanates. 

This is a fun website. Match yourself with Tom Welling

Me and Tom Welling’s compatibility: So based on birthday’s/biorhythms we are at 89% WOWZER! How thrilled am I?!?

physical		85%
emotional		97%
intellectual		84%
total		89%

So of course I played around and tried it with Kiefer Sutherland. It came up with 81%

That’s still pretty good!

physical		92%
emotional		94%
intellectual		58%
total		81%

I checked with Wentworth Miller and got 50% Not so good.

physical		33%
emotional		85%
intellectual		33%
total		50%

I’m not surprised. I’m reading up on him at Top Synergy and the guy is a lot like me… it’s a bit spooky actually … I usually don’t get along with people who are too similar than me… they drive me crazy! So darn…. LOL…

This is for Ryan and I….51% how sucky is that…

physical		58%
emotional		11%
intellectual		84%
total		51%

"If the biorhythm compatibility is low this doesn’t mean a relationship won’t work: you just have to work harder. " Tell me about it! We have taken the occasional trip into seeing the psychologist…Why the freak didn’t I find this when we were dating? … then again would I have even listened? No, I  would have scoffed, insisted my own way and continued dating him… why? Cuz he’s damn hot. I took this picture of him. When I worked as a receptionist and had this pic on my desk co-workers thought I had a pic of some model on my desk that I clipped from a magazine! LOL!!!! No, it was my future husband.

so if you go to Top Synergy they do all these personality profiles based on birthdate. So I requested Tom Welling’s… this is what they had to say about him: Now of course I personally don’t know the guy so I can’t vouch if this is true or not, but it’s an interesting read… Tom Welling in relationships: The

ABCs of Tom Welling’s relationships.
Warm, loving and generous in his relationships, Tom Welling inspires tremendous devotion and loyalty in his loved ones. This is good, since he would never settle for anything less! Tom wants to be adored and worshipped like the royalty he feels he is, and it is difficult for anyone to resist the warmth and attention Welling lavishes on those he cares about. Tom Welling has a great deal of pride and needs to be recognized and appreciated. The way to really hurt his feelings is to ignore him. He is genuine, sincere, and has a strong sense of personal integrity. Tom Welling hates emotional games and dishonesty.

Tom Welling has a soft exterior and tends to relate very personally and sympathetically to other people. However, Tom sometimes lets his emotions overpower his reasoning and logic, and consequently he is sometimes biased in his opinions.

Tom Welling is impressionable and rather gentle, or at least that is the way he comes across. Tom wears his heart on his sleeves and cannot hide his emotions. Tom Welling feels that little, daily acts of caring and thoughtfulness are essential to the happiness and success of relationships and he knows how to make others feel accepted, loved and cherished. He enjoys good relationships with women.

Generally sunny and optimistic, Tom Welling has a cheering effect on those around him. Tom likes and needs people, and others genuinely like him too. He enjoys a wide circle of friends who are like family to him. Entertaining, partying, social activities, and fellowship are essential to his emotional well-being.

There is another side to Tom Welling as well, a rather introverted, self-contained, even pessimistic side which tempers his good cheer and generosity, as discussed below. Serious and emotionally reserved, Tom Welling was probably never an exuberant, playful child, and he rarely expresses himself in a spontaneous, childlike manner. He is cautious about letting others get close to him and sometimes withdraws from people altogether. At times, Tom Welling feels lonely or isolated, even when he is with people. Learning to appreciate his own company and find satisfying solitary activities is essential to Tom’s emotional well-being.

In addition to Tom’s rather introverted, serious or self-contained side, he has a wild streak and urge for emotional freedom that breaks through erratically. Tom Welling craves both stability and excitement, and the conflict between these two impulses can make Welling rather tense and irritable. However, they can also balance each other out. His freer and unpredictable side will now be described.

Tom Welling craves excitement, change and discovery, and cannot tolerate a routine or lifestyle that offers little in the way of surprise or challenge. Excitable, spontaneous and enthusiastic about anything new, he may be perceived by others as being too impulsive, especially in personal relationships. It is not easy for Tom Welling to make or keep commitments, since he does not know how he will be feeling from one day to the next. Emotional freedom is very important to Welling. His domestic life may be very unstable - but Welling likes it that way. Emotionally excitable, Welling tends to act impulsively and make rash decisions without thinking of the consequences.

Others may see Tom as an eccentric, somewhat selfish and unpredictable. Tom Welling seems to attract sudden upsetting experiences. He is highly sensitive to everyone around him and is subject to strange moods or feelings. Tom Welling has a tendency to exaggerate and could have unrealistic ambitions that may be hard to realize. It would be wise for Welling to keep his expectations a bit lower. He is easily influenced by his environment and tends to get depressed when things do not go the way he expected.

Relationships are not easy for Tom Welling; he could be a recluse, avoiding most contact with others. His love feelings and desires are easily aroused but he may find it difficult to sustain his romantic interest in relationships after the initial, exciting “chase and conquest”. Tom Welling enjoys a dynamic partner with a strong independent streak, and he does not like things to become too peaceful or predictable in the love arena. Tom wants to see sparks fly once in awhile, even if it means instigating a fight.

Tom is attracted to foreigners, exotic places, traveling and people who can expand his horizons, teach him something, or show him places and worlds he has never experienced before. Sharing a philosophy or ideal with his love partner is important to him. Moreover, Tom Welling feels love and kinship for people everywhere, not only for his own family, nationality, or group. Finding similarities and making links between people from differing backgrounds or with different perspectives is a gift of his.

Tom Welling loves to laugh, celebrate and enjoy himself with his companions. Emotionally open and easygoing, Tom considers just about anyone a friend or potential friend. His good humor and friendliness make him quite popular and well liked. At times, Tom Welling overdoes the festivities, but he rarely regrets it.

 Tom’s pleasure-loving nature and his emotional and material generosity discussed above are counterbalanced by a certain caution or restraint in expressing his affection, and by a fear of heartache. At times Tom Welling is likely to be the jovial, friendly, rather extravagant person mentioned previously, but at other times he is far more contained as described here. Because he is upbeat and fun-loving, people probably do not suspect how sensitive Welling is to being left out or unappreciated.

 Loyalty, fidelity and security are very important to Tom Welling in love relationships. He is cautious about giving his heart away but true to the one who does win his love. His tastes are simple, even austere, and he does not appreciate frivolity. Welling is interested in a person’s character and inner qualities far more than in his or her appearance. Casual or superficial relationships do not interest Tom Welling at all, for love seems to get deeper and richer and more satisfying for him with time. When it comes to love relationships, Welling is likely to feel pulled in several directions at once. In addition to his desire for depth and security in his relationships, Tom Welling has an impulsive side and a need for a lot of variety and excitement, as discussed in the following paragraphs. These urges do not have to conflict, but they certainly can, especially if Tom acts on his spontaneous impulses without much consideration for their long-term effects on his personal life.

While he may seek loving relationships and an “everlasting” love, this is not easy for Tom Welling to find - or more precisely, to sustain. When Tom becomes romantically involved with someone, either he or the other person will create rifts once a certain level of comfort and predictability has been achieved. Even if there is no outward break in the relationship, a certain emotional aloofness or dissatisfaction is apt to develop. This is because Tom Welling really wants both closeness and absolute freedom - a combination that is difficult to attain. However, if he does not at least attempt to honestly fulfill both of these urges, seemingly random events will wreak havoc in Tom’s closest relationships.

Intimate relationships are the arena in which Tom Welling explores the depths he is capable of. He could fall intensely and fanatically in love and be obsessive, extraordinarily jealous or deeply involved with his partners. Welling will experience both heaven and hell in his closest relationships. There is undoubtedly a peculiarly karmic, fated quality to these relationships, which - though difficult - will teach Tom Welling things about himself and about love that he could not learn in any other way. Welling will often enter relationships which he realizes - rationally - will be very difficult, yet he cannot resist them, nonetheless. Tom Welling needs not to avoid berating himself for these “bad” choices; instead, he needs to learn what he can from them.

So I’ve been mulling over what to do with the rest of my life now that I’m done being the poster woman for "BreadersR’Us" and I’m racking my little brain with a million questions like: What do I want to do? Do I want a career? What can I do that will allow me to travel? What can I do that will fuel my passion for life? I want to do so many things… where do I start?… HOW do I start?

I’m so excited cuz I feel like it’s a new era of my life. Yes, I still have the kids but for the first time in 10 years I’m not pregnant or breastfeeding!!!!!! I STILL have the same body I had before I had kids… well + 5lbs. Big deal. Instead of 115 now I’m 120. I’ve got my health. The hamster is running a bit sluggishly but it just hasn’t been used in so long. I feel Alzheimer’s coming on… eek! But I’m hoping once I start using my brain, the synapses will hopefully relight.

So I was watching a few Wentworth Miller interviews on YouTube and came across this radio interview he did with a couple of hilarious DJ’s from Australia. They asked him if people should pursue their dreams…

Radio Interview

He says, "I do, but you have to be realistic at the same time, It’s one thing to have a pipe dream about being an Olympic gold medalist and it’s another to have this burning what if question that wakes you up at 3 in the morning if you don’t try to at least answer that in at some point in your life in some quantifiable legitimate way, shape or form, if you’re always going to be haunted by it, then it’s something you need to address."

For some reason that just really hit home. I’ve got to get all those crazy ideas/dreams and things I’ve wanted to do out of my system. Now I can start planning and making smaller goals to reach my bigger goals. So thanks Went!

I was also reading articles on him, trying to find out more about HIM, not the characters he plays, but Wenworth - his attitude, his characteristics… the guy is very smart and is well spoken.

I came across this quote:

"What’s cool about being of mixed race is that you’re kind of a lone ranger, caught between two worlds, doing your own thing." Wentworth Miller.

Once again, he has said something that made me think. This quote hit home like a blow to the stomach. Being of mixed race myself I always considered myself an outsider - a loner. Never belonging to either world. As embarrassing as this is to say, I’ve was ashamed of who I was and who my parents were. I desperately wanted to be "normal" and to be just like my classmates who were all white.

I remember being in Grade 1 and all throughout elementary, but especially in the younger grades crying myself to sleep at night because I had black hair and tanned skin. When my mom would come into the room to see what was the matter I would blame her because of the way I looked…I would sob till I hyperventilated. She would get mad at me and tell me that I was being silly, that I was beautiful and shouldn’t listen to what anyone else said. She didn’t understand. No one understood.

I thought I was normal and my family was normal until I went to school. I would get comments like, "THAT’s your dad?!?’ He looks like your grandpa!" and "THAT’s your mom and dad?!?" Not only was there the different cultural mix, but also the difference in age. My dad was 61 and my mom was 27 when I was born…. that’s a story for another day….

As an adult looking back, it doesn’t matter that I’m a mix…. but to a 6 year old, it mattered. I was the only one in my class with black hair. Everyone else was blonde or had brown hair. I even remember praying that God would change my hair to brown or blonde overnight….That’s crazy.

Thinking back at the sad little girl I was, to the more confident person I am now, I am so glad God didn’t answer that plea from a 6 year old. I love my hair now and my tanned skin. I never sunburn, I just tan. As an adult I always get compliments from people about how they love my hair and wish they could have hair like mine. Thank goodness for product! Now I can have it crazy curly, wavy or stick straight. Although when I do get complimented, I’m very suspicious. Never knowing whether or not to take it seriously. The crazy thing is that I wasn’t teased as a kid. It was my own mind, ME! My messed up mind that made me think there was something wrong with me. Could it be the constant verbal abuse I got as a child that I was never good enough? Could it be the false images of what I thought was pretty and what wasn’t? *sigh* I don’t know.  I just don’t know.

Throughout the years, I’ve been able to turn the innocent question of, "What’s your nationality?" from a feeling of humiliation to one of pride. Now I don’t even blink. Sometimes I like to turn it into a game and make people guess. I get everything from Spanish to native to Japanese. No one can pin it down. It’s fun game for me.

There are days however, when I feel that childhood sadness and anger bubble up to the surface. At times it lasts for hours or for days and I’m plunged into darkness. A darkness so deep where the imperfections of myself and the frustrations of my life, of who I am and what I’ve become are hard to handle. You are your worst critic and I’m a huge critic. Darkness swirls about me like a monster circling, waiting to pounce and suck the life out of me. I hold it at bay by sleeping. It’s the only way I know how to cope with the darkness and the negative thinking. Looking into the mirror, I detest the one peering back. At times I like what I see and more often than not I don’t. I see all the could’ve, would’ve and should’ve in my life. No hope. No faith. Just a darkness so deep it’s suffocating.

A ray of sunlight breaks through the darkness and pulls me to the surface for a moment with the sweet words, "Mommy, I love you sooooooooooo much."  My 3 year old wraps her little chubby arms around my neck and gives me a kiss. She pulls me safely back into my protective bubble and for awhile everything is good again. But the darkness is always there surrounding me…waiting…waiting ever so patiently to pull me back down to the depths of despair.  

So why do I like Wentworth’s quote?

"What’s cool about being of mixed race is that you’re kind of a lone ranger, caught between two worlds, doing your own thing."

Well, it’s taken awhile and at times it’s a daily struggle, but I guess it’s validation. That it’s ok to be an individual….To be different….To stand out and be me…. To like me for who I am…. For what I have been through and to not let it hinder my journey from here to there. To move forward, with hope and faith…because without hope and faith the darkness will destroy you.

So I was talking to a lady I just met. I introduced myself and she says, "Oh yeah, I’ve heard of you…"

I laughed and asked, "what did you hear?"

"That I should keep my head down and stay out of your way."

I just laughed it off, but I’m annoyed. Is that how people really see me? Is that the attitude that I portray? I thought I was nice… guess people think I’m a Byotch…

So I call Ryan at work and told him what she said… he just starts to laugh.

"What’s so funny? Is it true? What does it mean?" I ask.

Ryan scoffs… "Oh come on… even you know it’s true…  You are like a pit bull. If someone doesn’t agree with the way you see things or how you want to do things, you chew them up and spit them out."

"WHAT!?!"

"It’s true… now I’ve got to go…. I’ve have to keep my head down and get back to work…"

Still a little taken aback by that, I called a close friend of mine and ask her the same thing.

She says, "Well, considering who told her that in the first place…. she was telling the truth… at least you know it was said with love." 

 Love my ass. That’s just craziness! How rude! I swear if I was darth vader…. I’d chew her up and spit her out…

  .

More about Tom from Top Synergy. Is he like this? Only he could tell…
Tom Welling’s fundamental needs, values, and orientation towards life are symbolized by the four astrological elements. Each person has their own unique balance of these four basic energies: fire (warmth, inspiration, enthusiasm), earth (practicality, realism, material interests), air (social and intellectual qualities), and water (emotional needs and feelings). Welling’s "elemental make-up" is described below. Remember that most people are "unbalanced" or lopsided, and if Tom is lacking or deficient in a certain element (or elements), it simply means that he needs to consciously develop that particular aspect in order to appreciate and/or work harder in that dimension of life. Sometimes we overestimate the element that we are least endowed with, sensing it as a lack within ourselves, but more often we neglect or ignore it. The qualities described below will be reiterated and explained in more detail in the following pages. Tom Welling has two strong impulses that are somewhat at odds with one another but when blended, can be highly creative and productive. On the one hand, there is the dreamer, the gambler, the idealist and the optimist who is full of hopeful confidence, spark, and creative energy. This is the side that believes in magic and endless possibilities. Equally strong, however, is the conservative, practical, adult side that seeks security and stability and needs to be productive in a concrete way. Having both of these urges can lead Tom Welling to some internal predicaments, such as: Should I take the safe, well-traveled path that offers me security or one that is unpredictable but offers more freedom and adventure? Is there a way for me to live my dreams rather than simply wish and hope and fantasize about them? Can I bring my dreams to fruition without compromising too much of my individuality? Can I be an idealist, yet effective in the everyday, mundane world? How can I express myself freely as an individual, while also being responsible and taking care of practical obligations and necessities? Should I be generous, or careful and conservative? Should I play and be more of a child or work? If Tom Welling gives up one side of the equation (for instance, opting for security at the expense of his creativity or his ideals, or choosing to spend most of his time playing and enjoying his own creative pursuits without making any tangible contribution to the world), Welling will feel unbalanced and unhappy. His challenge is to learn to somehow achieve the best of both worlds, i.e. to have an inspiration or ideal to aim for and to do something tangible with it - in other words, to introduce play and creativity and passion into his work. His initiative, confidence and faith, combined with his practicality, could make Tom Welling quite successful in business, especially his own. Tom Welling tends to lack the ability to analyze himself or his life in a detached, objective way. Tom feels and experiences but does not necessarily understand or reflect upon his experience, and thus finds it hard to talk about it. Really taking in what someone else has to say can be hard for Tom Welling - he does not readily adapt to new ideas or people, and as a result may become inflexible or limit his experience of life. Broadening his education and gaining exposure to different cultures is very beneficial to Tom. Otherwise he is apt to be rigid and even prejudiced against those outside his own circle. (This may be manifested in arthritic conditions, poor flexibility, or poor circulation). He also tends to distrust people who communicate freely or to feel inferior to those who are more articulate and intellectual than he is. Tom Welling learns much more readily by watching, doing or apprenticing than by reading or being told about something. Astrological factors in this section: Fire and Earth are Strong (F,E,A,W Scores = 25,16,3,5) Air is Weak (F,E,A,W Scores = 25,16,3,5)