Thank you Wentworth Miller…
So I’ve been mulling over what to do with the rest of my life now that I’m done being the poster woman for "BreadersR’Us" and I’m racking my little brain with a million questions like: What do I want to do? Do I want a career? What can I do that will allow me to travel? What can I do that will fuel my passion for life? I want to do so many things… where do I start?… HOW do I start?
I’m so excited cuz I feel like it’s a new era of my life. Yes, I still have the kids but for the first time in 10 years I’m not pregnant or breastfeeding!!!!!! I STILL have the same body I had before I had kids… well + 5lbs. Big deal. Instead of 115 now I’m 120. I’ve got my health. The hamster is running a bit sluggishly but it just hasn’t been used in so long. I feel Alzheimer’s coming on… eek! But I’m hoping once I start using my brain, the synapses will hopefully relight.
So I was watching a few Wentworth Miller interviews on YouTube and came across this radio interview he did with a couple of hilarious DJ’s from Australia. They asked him if people should pursue their dreams…
He says, "I do, but you have to be realistic at the same time, It’s one thing to have a pipe dream about being an Olympic gold medalist and it’s another to have this burning what if question that wakes you up at 3 in the morning if you don’t try to at least answer that in at some point in your life in some quantifiable legitimate way, shape or form, if you’re always going to be haunted by it, then it’s something you need to address."
For some reason that just really hit home. I’ve got to get all those crazy ideas/dreams and things I’ve wanted to do out of my system. Now I can start planning and making smaller goals to reach my bigger goals. So thanks Went!
I was also reading articles on him, trying to find out more about HIM, not the characters he plays, but Wenworth - his attitude, his characteristics… the guy is very smart and is well spoken.
I came across this quote:
"What’s cool about being of mixed race is that you’re kind of a lone ranger, caught between two worlds, doing your own thing." Wentworth Miller.
Once again, he has said something that made me think. This quote hit home like a blow to the stomach. Being of mixed race myself I always considered myself an outsider - a loner. Never belonging to either world. As embarrassing as this is to say, I’ve was ashamed of who I was and who my parents were. I desperately wanted to be "normal" and to be just like my classmates who were all white.
I remember being in Grade 1 and all throughout elementary, but especially in the younger grades crying myself to sleep at night because I had black hair and tanned skin. When my mom would come into the room to see what was the matter I would blame her because of the way I looked…I would sob till I hyperventilated. She would get mad at me and tell me that I was being silly, that I was beautiful and shouldn’t listen to what anyone else said. She didn’t understand. No one understood.
I thought I was normal and my family was normal until I went to school. I would get comments like, "THAT’s your dad?!?’ He looks like your grandpa!" and "THAT’s your mom and dad?!?" Not only was there the different cultural mix, but also the difference in age. My dad was 61 and my mom was 27 when I was born…. that’s a story for another day….
As an adult looking back, it doesn’t matter that I’m a mix…. but to a 6 year old, it mattered. I was the only one in my class with black hair. Everyone else was blonde or had brown hair. I even remember praying that God would change my hair to brown or blonde overnight….That’s crazy.
Thinking back at the sad little girl I was, to the more confident person I am now, I am so glad God didn’t answer that plea from a 6 year old. I love my hair now and my tanned skin. I never sunburn, I just tan. As an adult I always get compliments from people about how they love my hair and wish they could have hair like mine. Thank goodness for product! Now I can have it crazy curly, wavy or stick straight. Although when I do get complimented, I’m very suspicious. Never knowing whether or not to take it seriously. The crazy thing is that I wasn’t teased as a kid. It was my own mind, ME! My messed up mind that made me think there was something wrong with me. Could it be the constant verbal abuse I got as a child that I was never good enough? Could it be the false images of what I thought was pretty and what wasn’t? *sigh* I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Throughout the years, I’ve been able to turn the innocent question of, "What’s your nationality?" from a feeling of humiliation to one of pride. Now I don’t even blink. Sometimes I like to turn it into a game and make people guess. I get everything from Spanish to native to Japanese. No one can pin it down. It’s fun game for me.
There are days however, when I feel that childhood sadness and anger bubble up to the surface. At times it lasts for hours or for days and I’m plunged into darkness. A darkness so deep where the imperfections of myself and the frustrations of my life, of who I am and what I’ve become are hard to handle. You are your worst critic and I’m a huge critic. Darkness swirls about me like a monster circling, waiting to pounce and suck the life out of me. I hold it at bay by sleeping. It’s the only way I know how to cope with the darkness and the negative thinking. Looking into the mirror, I detest the one peering back. At times I like what I see and more often than not I don’t. I see all the could’ve, would’ve and should’ve in my life. No hope. No faith. Just a darkness so deep it’s suffocating.
A ray of sunlight breaks through the darkness and pulls me to the surface for a moment with the sweet words, "Mommy, I love you sooooooooooo much." My 3 year old wraps her little chubby arms around my neck and gives me a kiss. She pulls me safely back into my protective bubble and for awhile everything is good again. But the darkness is always there surrounding me…waiting…waiting ever so patiently to pull me back down to the depths of despair.
So why do I like Wentworth’s quote?
"What’s cool about being of mixed race is that you’re kind of a lone ranger, caught between two worlds, doing your own thing."
Well, it’s taken awhile and at times it’s a daily struggle, but I guess it’s validation. That it’s ok to be an individual….To be different….To stand out and be me…. To like me for who I am…. For what I have been through and to not let it hinder my journey from here to there. To move forward, with hope and faith…because without hope and faith the darkness will destroy you.
te quiero mucho wentworth miller estoy picadisima con tu serie de prisionberak y no me importa que te digan que eres gay por que yo se que eso no es verdad y en mi casa tengo muchos posters tuyos y que te amo con todo mi corazon
y si te llega este msj te doy mi metro
www.metroflog.com/karlamiller bye bye
Comment by karla marlene zuñiga garcia — February 19, 2008 @ 12:52 am
wentworth miller te amo eres muy lindo de eso no hay duda eres un muy buen actor y creeme ke en chile la gente te admira y te admira mucho y nos encantaria conocerte algun dia tkm uana admiradora
Comment by fabiola — March 24, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
adore ya:)
Comment by wenty — March 25, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
SEEXY SEXY SEXY went worth miller is only mine
Comment by went worth LOVER — April 16, 2008 @ 2:36 am
so hot
Comment by kimberly — April 20, 2008 @ 11:52 pm
ellada agapa wentworth miller…to prison break sarwnei…
i love wentworth miller
Comment by efi — April 22, 2008 @ 4:48 am
eres muy rikooo huaxoncito y lamento no haber comenzado a ver la serie desde el principio pero igual alcance a enchufarme .Lindo hermoso me encantas
Comment by mary — April 30, 2008 @ 8:29 am
lo q mas me gusta de el es su cara de enojado que pone xq se ve mas sexy y sus ojitos son preciosos
Comment by mary — April 30, 2008 @ 8:31 am
huachitoooooo ricoooooooooooo
Comment by mary — April 30, 2008 @ 8:32 am
YOU ARE SO HOT . WOOOOW . LOVE , TONIGHT COME TO MY PLACE
OYÉÉ . I LOVE YOU .
Comment by he's girlfriend — May 1, 2008 @ 11:37 am
WENTWORTH MILLER IS EEN SUPER LEKKERDING !! HIJ IS EEN SUPER GOEIE ACTEUR, HIJ IS LEKKER
OÉÉÉH, ILOVEYOUUUU (LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL)
Comment by evi — May 3, 2008 @ 6:31 am
you are fontastic
Comment by farid — May 6, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
oooj…you are so so so….hot……Ilove you
Comment by unknown — May 7, 2008 @ 12:44 pm
wentworth miller you are a beautifull………..
i love prison break……and you.!!!!!!
I am a great fan!!!
i love you
Comment by Mónica Nogueira — May 14, 2008 @ 10:24 am
i love you so much….
you are my everything…
i dream with you every nigt…
i think in you all the time…
and unfortunatly i can´t be with you….
oh……..u are the perfection..there isn´t anyone more beutifful than you…..
i love you….
kiss…………………….
….«»
Comment by ana e mónica — May 14, 2008 @ 10:25 am
in case of you want know us…
we are from portugal…
and we visite this site sometimes…
so it´s just need ask..
kiss
Comment by ana e mónica — May 14, 2008 @ 10:31 am
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Comment by lana — May 28, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
Damnnn he’s so so so HOT!!!!
Comment by Mary — May 29, 2008 @ 7:38 am
Wentworth Miller is oober sexy and i would bang him in a heart beat if i didn’t have a bf and if i was older
Comment by Savannah — May 29, 2008 @ 10:57 am
thats so hot.
wentworth is so hot
Comment by nicole — June 1, 2008 @ 10:05 am
wentworth ich liebe dich herzlichen glückwunsch zum geburstag hör nie auf mit prison break es ist die beste serie der welt.nadine
Comment by nadine — June 3, 2008 @ 10:31 am
i love went miller is so cute!!!!!!!!!!1
Comment by majche — June 4, 2008 @ 12:33 pm
you are such an special men …your eyes are so special………..
Comment by rox — June 27, 2008 @ 6:09 am
u are so crazy…………….:X:X
Comment by roxana_violin — June 27, 2008 @ 6:11 am
you have beautiful eyes….you’re yhe best……..V.T…..kiss
Comment by zeljanna — June 27, 2008 @ 9:22 am
la verdad nose si si me valla a en tender ya ke esta en español pero ni con mil palabras en kualkier idioma se puede describir a wentworth miller es fantastiko y super mega guapizimo ademaz super buen actor sin contar ke esel prota de prison break loke daria por conoser aeste hermoso hombre ke sigaz teniendo todo el exito del mundo te amamozz yo y mushisimaz mazz tenlo por seguroo0 bezotezz
Comment by anahii — July 13, 2008 @ 2:21 am
wentworth miller’s ass looks amazing in those jeans…lol(L):P:)
love him…
and he is mine…
only mine:P:P
lol…
Comment by vanessa — July 17, 2008 @ 7:31 pm
Went is mine .No one can EVER NEVER take him from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.I’M FOND OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU WENTWORTH MILLER.
Comment by roka — July 28, 2008 @ 8:23 am
I Luff Prison Break And Wentworth Miller
I Am Posters Van Wentworth Miller in My Room ^_^
Hé is Hot !
Comment by Susan — September 13, 2008 @ 7:46 am
IK KIJK OOK NAAR PRISON BREAK & IK HEB OOK POSTERS VAN WENTWORTH MILLER IN ME KAMER ^_^
Comment by Susan — September 13, 2008 @ 7:47 am
he looks so hot and it does not mater what he wears.it would be the best if he was not g…
Comment by hurija — October 15, 2008 @ 4:22 pm
went you are the best of all…
Comment by tatuli — October 25, 2008 @ 6:15 am
ilove so mch
Comment by sara — October 27, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
o,my god…. i love you went……. you are the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest…………
Comment by misi — November 12, 2008 @ 5:45 am
qiero decir qe eres demaciado lindo
me encantas
y actuas super bien en la serie de prison breakk
me encanta esa serie cada vez se pone + buena
wuaxito rikoooo
Comment by the prizzhy — November 20, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
i dont love wentworth but i love michael
Comment by fish — November 23, 2008 @ 9:38 am
Очаровательная личность!!!
Comment by Юлия — November 25, 2008 @ 3:18 pm
Мечтаю о встречи с WM, как жаль, что он не в России:’(
Comment by Юлия — November 25, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
Greetings! My name is Julia Valitova I from Russia. Very much to like me creativity Wentwort Miller. He/she is the class actor! Very much want it (him) to see in Russia. I think, that it (he) will visit our country. My address: Killbill-84.84@mail.ru Write to all I shall be glad.
Comment by Юли� — November 27, 2008 @ 10:39 am
oh mein gott
du bist soo geil übelll derbe man aber ich kann nicht glauben das du schwul bist schadz ich liebe dich du bist einfach nur hammmaaaaaa x3 x3 xx3 i love youuuu babyyy !!!!!!!!!! :-* BIbo
Comment by Bibo — December 10, 2008 @ 3:28 am
ax xrisoui mu mazepste tis aderfes!!!!!!
Comment by KATIA — December 26, 2008 @ 11:59 am
Ainda te dou um beijo na boca!Sonho com vc todo dia…
Comment by Caroline — January 23, 2009 @ 9:47 pm
hey mein schatz
ich bins michael
i love you
Comment by Bibo — January 31, 2009 @ 5:32 pm
ele é mto gostosooo…ai que cara bom…
eu qro um desse pra mim!!!
Comment by sthefani — February 11, 2009 @ 9:54 am
hey baby,
heute ist der 14.2. heute ist Valnetinstag ich will das du mal weißt das ich dich über alles liebe es gibt keinen besseren als dich du bist was besonderes du bist eigenartig ich liebe dich und das oben das war mein cousenk er findet dich auch voll süß hehe er liebt prison berak so wie ich aba ich liebe dich am meisten in der serie mein schadz ich liebe dich !!!!!! kizzzzz :-*
Comment by Bibo — February 14, 2009 @ 9:37 am
schadzyyyyyyyyyy heyyyyyyyyyyyy
I loveeeeeeeee youuuuuuuu
schadzy freue mich schon auf donnerstag
dann wieder PRISON BREAK !!!!!
Comment by Bibo — February 16, 2009 @ 7:56 am
Nossa! Wentwort Miller, é o homem mais lindo do mundo….eu não paro de pensar nele…tenho muitas fotos dele….como queria te conhecer, eu te amo mutio…venha para o brasil…..não aguento mais te ver só pela TV…schadzy freue mich schon auf donnerstag dann wieder PRISON BREAK !!!! I LOVE YOUUUUUU.
Comment by nicole giugno — March 7, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
LE QUIERO DECIR TANTAS COSAS QUE NI SE QUE DECIR.EL ESPACIO VA SER CORTO PARA ESCRIBIR TODO.YOU ARE ALMOST PERFECT.GOD COMBINED IN YOU PERFECTION WITH INTELIGENCE AND SEXINESS.YOUR SMILE IS SO NATURAL THAT DRIVES ME CRAZY..LOVE YA.
Comment by liz yene dayo mede — April 12, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
woow!kuya went your the bes…ssss…t actor..men…i hope that u continue doing your moviessss i like prison breakkk so much..
Comment by lot — April 27, 2009 @ 11:20 pm
i’m sahal from saudi arabia
i like your acting vrery very very very much
you and your cellmate sukreah
you are the best…….go ahead
Comment by sahal altaf — June 5, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
I love u so much, always waiting 4 your acting on prison break, here far away in Indonesia. you’re so pretty… OMG!!!
Comment by puput — July 6, 2009 @ 11:52 pm
Mi comentario es secillo ayer termine de ver la serie y me parece fabuloso y mi comentario sobre Miller me lo reservo porque no tengo palabras para expresar mi admiracion como actor un beso
Comment by Diana r Andrades — August 4, 2009 @ 3:21 pm
i looooooooooooove you.i’m from iraq.i wish i meet you in some you.can you visit tourky?i’m tgere now.i looooooooooooove.
i wish for you happy life….
by
Comment by malak — August 9, 2009 @ 4:18 am
Wentworth Miller is incredibly beautiful! He is tha best forever!!! {LoVe}
Comment by elity — August 13, 2009 @ 11:56 am
madre mia, que picas, pero de verdad creeis que os van a leer esto? esto es un engañavovos, y quienes son los vovos vosotros, que pedazo de tontos, e ingeunos que sois
Comment by MISI — September 20, 2009 @ 10:09 am
dear went I wish we knew each other….it seems impossible though …….I love u more than that…
Comment by masi — October 24, 2009 @ 1:31 pm
sos hermoso y dicen q sos gay porfavor
♥♥♥♥♥
te amooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by mik--- — November 5, 2009 @ 7:20 am