The journey between here and there

Kick ASS! Go see it! It will rock your socks off. I loved it. I loved the explosions, the boom, bang, bing, bop, blam, blood, fire, more booming, fists flying, smashing, buildings breaking, bombs, guns and rat-ta-ta-tat of the machine guns… Golly! So, so, so fabulous. Edward Norton does a wonderful job portraying the Hulk and I love Liv Tyler. I just love her lips. They are so kissable and full. It was just a fun, action packed, summer popcorn mind numbing flick which is what I needed.

Ryan wanted to take Josh out and I was like, ‘I’ve had the day from HELL and I need to go out! There’s NO WAY I’m staying behind.” So I grabbed a sitter, took Laura and we headed off on our strange night. I don’t know why everywhere I go, things just always seem to happen. I think chaos just follows me.

So we get in the van and a bottle of Luke’s must be slowly rotting somewhere cuz it smelled like rotting meat carcass mixed with sour milk. So disgusting. We had to take the freakn’ van cuz Ryan was picking up the new lawnmower, which I hope will mean he’ll mow the law more than 2 times a year. Right now our lawn is as tall as our 23 month old terror Luke. So we roll down the windows cuz we don’t have time to find the source of this horrid smell cuz we’ve only got 40 min. till the store closes with a 25 min drive ahead of us. Off we go driving around like dogs sticking our heads out the window for fresh air.

We pick up the lawnmower which takes up 1/2 the van, then head over to Chinook Centre to see a movie. We were trying to decide on what we would see: Iron Man, The Hulk, Prince Caspian: Narnia part 2 or Indiana Jones. Now I’ve already Seen IJ and it’s ok, but not one I’d pay to see again. Ryan had already seen Iron Man and I’m not all that interested in paying to see Narnia Part 2. I’ll wait till I can see it for free at my theatre. So I convinced everyone of the wonderfulness of The Incredible Hulk.

We grabbed our tickets which we got for free, cuz I’ve always got the hook up on free stuff. Ryan and I split up. He did bathroom runs with Josh and grabbed the treats. Laura and I went to stand in line and grab seats. We walk towards a huge line up, this is an hour before the show starts.

Laura looks at the people waiting and snarks, “geez, look at them standing there waiting for their movie. That sucks. What are they waiting for?”

“Well, we get to be the lucky ones that are at the very END of this long, long line up. They are here to see our movie.”
“Oh. All of them?”
“Ya, except for about 20 of those guys cuz they are just there because they think standing in lines are fun. So they just go from line up to line up standing in line just for fun. You should try it some time… oh wait… here’s your big chance… can you feel the excitement?”
She just gives me the “mom you’re a dork” look and laughs.

We stand in front of these 2 guys who instantly start including us in their conversations and butting into our conversations. They were hilarious and the one guy was cute so I tolerated it and played along. It was a blast and we had a great time talking and joking around.

A snippet of their conversation.
Cute guy to his chubby friend. Dead panning this line: ok, this time you are not allowed to hold my hand. I know you were really freaked out when we went to see Iron Man, but you have to stop grabbing my hand. I’ve had enough.

Chubs. Without missing a beat retorts in a deadpan voice: Well, I’ll try not to but I might not be able to resist if it gets a little scary. Maybe I can just hold your hand for the first 1/2?

They bantered in this way back and for forth a good 5 minutes and Laura and I were just dying laughing.

They start making fun of all the girls lined up to see ‘Sex and the City’ and how men who go to see that show is just a bunch of pansies. I laughed and said, ‘no, they are not, they are just whipped and they hope that if they see that chick flick then their girl will be all happy and they’ll get some tail later that night.’

The conversation was flowing great until Ryan showed up, then they just turned around and didn’t say much after that. Geez, seriously, what’s wrong with guys? Why do they do that? It’s stupid.

It drives me crazy to have to stand in line for so long without being entertained, so I went to exchange the Nibs for Peanut M&M’s. Ryan was retarded and had another brain freeze moment when got me Nibs. I specifically asked for Peanut M&M’s. I just looked at him and shook my head. He’s known me now for 15 years and he knows I HATE Nibs. I think they are the grossest candy ever and I won’t even touch them. I swear, he never pays attention to me. He’s so oblivious to me. The fact that he can walk upright amazes me some days.

Now before I left I gave Ryan specific instructions.
“Ok, now if I don’t get back before the movie gets in, make sure you get good seats. You know where I like to sit, so please make sure you get as close to there as possible.”

I usually like to sit around middle or 7 rows up from the 2nd section. This way you get the big screen, but it’s not too big where you’re craning your neck and it’s not too far away where you just feel like you’re at home with a bunch of people in your house.

So, after making sure he heard me and understood what I said off I went to go stand in another line, but this time I had a TV to watch.

I make the exchange then go back. The movie is JUST letting everyone in. Dang. So now I have to wait for everyone to go in cuz they won’t let you butt in line even though you were with someone. The theatre is packed by the time I get in, but I know we would have gotten good seats cuz we were about 30 back and this theatre sat around 190. So I look, I look and I look. Finally after looking in the section they SHOULD be in I begin to think maybe I’m in the wrong theatre because I know he understood my specific instructions. So I walk out to check my theatre number with my ticket. Nope, it’s right. *sigh* I call Ryan.

’so, where are ya?’ I ask.
‘oh, ya. We’re at the very top. 2nd from the top by the left stairs.’
So I think to myself maybe it was packed and we were further back than I originally thought.
After the long trek to the back of the theatre I look at him and glare.
‘What’s with the seats? You know I hate sitting back here!” I hiss.
‘Well, we were sitting where we normally sit, but then Laura wanted to sit up at the back. So we moved.”
ACK!
I just look at Laura and she gives me her biggest grin.
“The best seats are at the back mom.” She chimes in. “Oh ya and the guy you’re sitting beside has got like an afro.” Then she laughs.
I just look at Ryan and say, “Ya know. You CAN say, ‘no’ to them. I hate sitting back here.”
He just shrugs and begins to babble an explanation but I stopped listening and survey the damage from the nose bleed section.

My mind wanders to the comment Laura made about the afro guy and I thought, ‘he better not be an ass cuz I’ll be even more annoyed. Laura is sitting on the outside, then Ryan, then Josh, then me and next to me the empty seat which supposedly ‘afro man sits in.

All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see Nacho Libre come walking up the stares. He’s got a baggy white stained, dirty shirt with black dirty sweat pants covering his obese body. His hair is 1 foot in the air, unkempt, unwashed, with curls bouncing all over like they are trying to bounce off his head to escape from the grossness. Now when I say Nacho Libre I’m not kidding. He was a spitting image of Jack Black in that movie.

To my shock and horror he comes bumbling down our row. He sits down beside me in one big flump. He immediately takes up the arm rest and puts his bottle of coke in the holder. One second after that the smell hits me. He smelled like he had played in a pig pen then didn’t take a bath for a month. BO, sweat, stinky feet all came racing up my nostrils. I looked at Ryan and if looks could kill he was being stabbed by a million daggers. Laura starts laughing and Josh smirks.

I shake my head and hiss over at him, ‘you just had to move didn’t you?’
He gives me this deer in headlights look just oblivious to anything. He is happily munching away on his popcorn and sucking back his pop in sheer heaven. I feel like dumping it all on his head just to wipe off that satisfied grin on his face.

I sit closer to Josh and have recoiled my body into 1/2 the seat as far away from the Nacho Libre as possible. The smell is so unbearable that my eyes soon begin to water and I put my hand up to my face. I skooch over even closer to Josh with 1/2 my ass hanging off my seat. The lights go down and the previews start. Nacho is happily eating his popcorn very loudly and forgets to close his mouth as he chews. After every preview he does this weird laugh snort and says to himself in a crackled high pitched voice. ‘Oh ya, I’ll see that.’ or he just laughs in this chicken like squawk.

I hate when people talk in movies. HATE IT. Even the rustle of popcorn bags annoys me. I turn to glare at Ryan again. I lean over and hiss, “my eyes are watering he stinks so bad!”
“Oh, gee… Sorry hon. Do you want to switch seats? I’ll sit there I don’t mind.” Ryan offers. I should have taken him up on the offer.
“No! I just wished you would have stayed at the seats you originally had!” I didn’t want to move because I didn’t want the dude to feel bad about people getting up to move away from him. I was beginning to think he was special needs or an IOP (Idiot on Patrol) or something.

5 minutes into the movie with me partially holding my breath and practically sitting on Josh, Nacho takes out his bag of Twizzlers. ‘rustle, rustle, rustle.’ goes his plastic bag.
‘mmmm…’ Nacho says to himself. Then like a dog he takes the Twizzler and eats it like a bone while making these growling noises as he eats it. He would put the twizzler in his mouth length wise and shake it. Then growl as he devoured the twizzler. People behind me are snickering and I begin to look around to see if there is a hidden camera around that I’m not aware of. This is just too much.

Another 5 minutes pass and he grabs his bottle of coke and takes a swig. “BUURRRP.” OMFG! I’m gonna kill this guy. I turn to look at him, but he is just oblivious and happily digging into this popcorn bag. ‘Crunch, crunch, crinkle, crinkle, mmmmm… mmmm…’

I was losing my mind. Then he starts to talk and make comments about the movie.
‘Oh that’s funny.’ He’d say in a his squeaky thinly high chicken like voice. ‘Oh good one!’ ‘ Hahaahaha, it’s right there.’ ‘uh oh, look out.’ ‘ooohhh now that’s a big gun.’ munch, munch, munch, grrrr… grrrr….’

My seat is shaking a bit and I look down. Both of his legs are shaking up and down really fast. I was just shaking my head. He must have some sort of mental issue cuz this guy was a total head case.

I try to concentrate on the movie and finally 1/2 way through his movie he is finished his twizzlers so the crinkling of the twizzler bag stops. Unfortunately it took him the entire movie to finishes his popcorn and coke. He burped happily each time he took a drink. I seriously felt like slapping him. It took a lot of will power not to lash out and hiss, ‘BE QUIET! STOP! JUST STOP & BE QUIET!!!!” *ugh*

So even though I had Nacho Libre sitting beside me and distracting me from the movie, I still thought that the movie had great action, special effects and a good storyline. I loved the cameo’s from Stan Lee and the original Hulk, Bill Bixby.