So that’s how it happens…
Never wonder why… because for some reason you’ll always find out… even when you really didn’t want to know the answer.
I always wondered how couples fell out of love… I thought it was stupid and I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it…. Now I know how.
Ryan and I have hardly seen each other in the past month and we haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I finally saw him for the first time on Sunday.
“Hi Stranger.” I smiled at him as I sat at the table eating my honey nut cherrios.
He broke out into a huge grin. “Hi!”
He sniffles, sneezes and coughs.
“You’re sick?” I ask. I don’t remember him being sick the last time I saw him.
“Ya.”
“When did you get sick?” I wondered.
“A week ago.” He replies.
“Huh…. I had no idea. That’s too bad. Hope you feel better soon. I swear you better not give it to me or I’ll be pissed.” I replied nonchalantly continuing to eat my cereal.
He grins at me. “We haven’t seen each other in the past month, it’s like we’re strangers.” He winks at me his voice filled with innuendo.
I eye him warily. “I guess.” It’s more like annoyance though cuz I haven’t seen him. I’ve distanced myself from him and am cold towards him. I hate being ignored. Nothing makes me more upset. Except, instead of being downright pissed off, throwing a tantrum I just shrug and don’t care. Very dangerous. Very dangerous indeed. He wants me to be flipping out because then I care. When I go silent that spells danger.
“So what’s new in your world?” I ask. Keeping the same polite tone as if I were indeed talking to a stranger.
He tells me about the shop, the guys, the jobs, the trucks and the hard luck cases. I’ve tuned him out, my mind wandering thinking about what I have to do today. I give him the ‘uh huh’s’ and the ‘hmmm’… or ‘really?’ in the appropriate spots.
Once I finish my cereal I toss my bowl into the sink, surveying the mess in the kitchen the kids have made and sigh. I’m on my own at this.
I look over at Ryan and he’s slouched in the couch still telling me about his month. I give him a weak smile, a few more ‘uh huh’s’ then go upstairs to the bedroom. I really don’t care. It’s cold, but it’s the only way I can cope with him being away constantly.
I’m on the 4th book of the Twilight Series and I’m so glad to be almost done. I flip open the book engrossed with the vampire chronicles. I want to be immortal. It sounds like fun!
Ryan doesn’t bother to follow me. Instead he gives me space and sticks to the main floor or the basement. I should be beside myself with grief and long to be with him, but he annoys the hell out of me now. I don’t want to hear his excuses. I don’t even want to be near him.
Things are never going to change. He keeps promising that he will be around more, but I’m not holding my breath. He’s not. He never will be. I know this because his partner works just as much as Ryan does and he’s been doing it for 20 years. Am I going to bail out? No. The money prospect looks too good. We’ll have our mortgage paid off next year and I’m going to go on a trip a month is my goal. Go on a weekend trip and every 3 months take a week long trip away.
I’m just off doing my own thing. Co-existing with him because it’s easier to do that than be out on my own. He’s my roommate.
So that’s how it happens. That’s how people fall out of love. It happens slowly, casually, until the fire has burned out and all that’s left is ashes of a relationship.