He’s back…
I don’t normally talk about these dreams. They disturb me to the core. I need to pay attention to what they are telling me because from past experience, ignoring them and still forging ahead has been disastrous for myself. I need to stop and make changes in my life. He’s back. He’s circling. I feel His presence near.
“He can’t hurt you if you don’t let Him.” I think to myself. It’s something my Bishop once told them me.
“You have control.” My Bishop also told me.
I’m scared. I’m really scared. Not a lot scares me….But HE does. I need to be careful. I need to be very careful. Watchful. Ever cautious.
Am I crazy? Maybe…. But when I push these dreams down and not change something or try to change something, it will haunt me for the rest of my life like it already has. But what do I do? What do I do? I feel the panic arise within me.
“STOP IT! Control! You have control!” I scream at myself…. no one hears but me.
No one understands. Unless you’ve gone through it, no one understands. I’m all alone on this one… I am, yet I know I’m not… He just wants me to think I am. I am strong. I just have to look up to feel the love and strength… yet I don’t look. I need to look. If I don’t He will get me again and bring me down further.
The fear rises from within and is stronger. Like a wave is pulses through my body.
“QUIT RUNNING!” I scream at myself. “Pray. It’s the only help you’ll get.”
I have nothing to lose… except my mind. It’s racing like a wild, untamed horse.
“Slow down!” I scream to myself. My heart is pounding. I can hear it in my head. It’s about to beat out of my chest. Panic sets in and my breathing increases.
“Pray NOW!” I urgently tell myself.
I sob, clasp my hands and bow my head.
“Please Father, Help ME!” I plead. “I can’t do this alone….” I pray for 10 minutes sobbing. It’s powerful, meaningful and from the heart. I feel love and peace wash over me, quieting my fears. They are still there. The fears are still lurking, but calmness has settled in. Anytime I feel the fear try to take over I must pray. It’s the only way to stop fear from grabbing me and making me feel out of control.
I take a deep breath. I can continue. I’ve got to work it out. I’ve got to try to figure out what it means. I MUST make changes. It’s not about me anymore….
People dismiss it.
“It’s not real. It’s your imagination.” they tell me or I’m mocked or laughed at. Now I don’t tell anyone. I keep it to myself. No one understands. Why would they? “It’s crazy talk.” It’s not. I’m sure they wish it was. I wish it was. Unfortunately it’s not.
Everyone has their ‘gifts’. This is one of mine. It scares me, but I must embrace it. I can no longer run from it. Along with this gift, I was also given another gift: “you possess a power capable of dispelling evil.”
Why these ones? *sigh* I have others. This one just gives me the most grief.
‘The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to make people believe that he wasn’t real.’
I think I heard that line once. In a movie? Was it the ‘Usual Suspects?’ It’s true.
That is a good trick though. Very clever indeed. Bravo. *claps*
He’s left me alone for 6 years now. But now He’s back. Ever since I was a child He has visited me. It got really bad when we were in the duplex in Calgary. Once we moved into this new house and blessed it, the frequency of the nightmares totally ceased. The attacks stopped… Now He is back.
What has changed? What significant thing am I doing in my life that is causing this new assault? Maybe it’s ‘What am I NOT doing?’ It’s a war for your soul. A constant war. People are so blind to it these days. *phft* They don’t believe. But it’s a war. Good vs. Evil. Whether people want to admit it or not. It’s happening. Everyday. Every hour. Every minute. Every second. By the looks of things evil is winning. Good is fighting very valiantly. Very courageously. But we all know how the world is going to end…. There’s nothing we can do about that…. It’s what will happen to your soul that will make the difference in the end.
The slow decline of society. It’s a cycle. Look in the history books. It’s happened before. It will happen again. The decay of society. The decay of homes. The decay of families. The decay of self.
What a brilliant attack. Attack the family and society erodes. It happened. It’s happening. I’ve got to protect mine. I haven’t been. That’s the message I think. It’s time to step up, take up the sword and fight back. Protect this home and the souls within.
“These days are worse now than in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.” the RS President told me. *sigh* How sad is that? It’s hard to be strong amongst such opposition. That’s why the children that are coming down are so strong willed and determined. They have to be. They NEED to be. They need to be able to stand for truth and righteousness. There is no fence sitting allowed. The line is drawn. You must choose your side. You can’t have one foot on the good side and one foot on the bad. For if you do, evil will take over and win. It always does. It’s hard to claw your way back to the other side…. Hard…. but not impossible. It just may take a long, long time. The trick is to never give up. Never lose hope…
Hope. A small word but without it you die… literally and figuratively.
…I’ve managed to waste time. Precious time. I need to focus. Focus!…
……
The dreams begins innocently enough. The beginning is a blur. It doesn’t matter. It’s not what counts. It’s the end that’s troubling.
I’m walking towards a room. I’m about to walk in when I notice Him sitting there, facing me at a long table. I stop abruptly. I recognize Him. Except He’s dressed differently this time. He’s all grey. A greyish white from head to toe. Even His clothing is greyish white. He’s wearing a sweater and pants. The sweater is a cotton blend with specks of darker grey in it. Nothing fancy. It looks familiar but I can’t seem to figure out where I’ve seen it before. It’s bulky. It hides His slimness. He’s not heavy by any means. He looks older today. He looks like an ordinary man. His hair is full and swept back. His face is handsome, it hides the ugliness and hate within. He has chiseled chin and cheekbones. His eyes are black as night and very piercing. His nose is neither large nor small. His face is very symmetrical. He looks like a man. But I know who HE is. I’ve seen Him before.
He knows I’m there. He doesn’t look up, but He knows. I step to the side of the door. Still looking in, yet I use the door to partially shield my body. I’m still staring…. ‘What’s He doing here?!?’ I ask myself. My mind begins to race and I feel a little panicky. I’m scared that’s for sure.
He’s doing some sort of light bulb craft. It’s weird. I can’t describe it. He’s doing it haphazardly. Not really investing much of His energy. What He’s really interested in is the boy sitting at a table behind him 2 chairs to his right. He’s not looking at him, but I know He is very interested in him.
I glance at the boy. My heart drops. I gasp in fear and shock. It’s my son Joshua. I have to get him out of there! Joshua is engrossed with his craft. It’s the same craft, except he’s taking pride in his work, concentrating very hard and thoroughly enjoying it. He has no idea of the danger lurking at the table ahead.
I want to scream and cry out, but I don’t. I don’t want to make a scene and draw any attention. I don’t want to scare my boy. The room is white and very bright. I enter the room cautiously. I stare at the Devil. He doesn’t acknowledge my presence and goes through the motions of doing the craft. It’s not me He’s concerned about. He wants the boy.
I walk into the room and keep to the right side, quickly walk past Him and hide in the darkened room just behind them. I stand by the doorway and look to my right. I see Josh through the window. I watch the Devil. That sweater. Where have I seen it before? He turns and looks at Josh. This is my chance!
I run over to the table, take one of the light bulbs and smash it on the Devil’s head. The light bulb shatters and embeds in his head. There is no blood. There is also no reaction. He turns casually and just looks at me. The black eyes piercing me. Studying me in a very calm and cool manner. His face is expressionless.
I’m shocked. ‘What was I thinking? What was I expecting a stupid light bulb would do? I’m an idiot!’ my mind laments. I quickly run towards the outside door and dash along the wall to get around the tables.
“Joshua get out of here! Get out the door! We have to go!” I yell at him as I try to make my way towards him.
Josh looks up at me startled. “I’m making a craft,” he says proudly, “see?”
“Let’s GO! We have to leave NOW!” I say more urgently than before.
Josh gets up to come towards me. Josh is 6 steps away, 4, now only 2. He’s holding his craft in his hands admiring his handiwork. He’s almost at my side, when the devil jumps up in the air, flips mid air and then lands in mid air 10 feet away. He’s about 5 feet off the ground. The devil looks at me and laughs. His black eyes flashing, watching me with pure enjoyment and contempt. The light bulb is still embedded in His head.
“It’s OK. I’ve got this one.” He says and and He morphs into my son Brandon. Brandon is suspended in air. I suddenly recognize the sweater. It’s Brandon’s bulky grey speckled sweater! I’m horrified and shocked.
“Hi mommy! Look at me!” Brandon grins and giggles, “this is fun!” He kicks his feet in the air and waves his arms, amused with the idea that he’s floating and completely unaware of the abhorrent danger that he is in.
I’m filled with dread as I stare at him shocked and helpless. The light bulb is now on my son’s head. I stand there looking up at him wondering what to do. I’m afraid that if I go towards him the Devil will morph back and grab me. If I don’t then Brandon will be captured and gone forever. It looks like Brandon, but I wonder if it is because the light bulb is sticking out of the top of his head.
…..
Then I wake up. I’m filled with panic and dread. Every time I dream of the Devil, it’s a message of some sort. I just need to figure out what it is. I need to make the change in my life, quickly before it’s too late.
Protect this house and the souls within. The precious little souls. I’m not doing my part. I’m not being the mother I should be. I need to take care of their spiritual needs as well as their temporal. If they don’t learn to rely on the Lord, who will teach them? It has to come from me. I need to quit living in my daydreams and start living in my life. It has to start NOW. Before it’s too late…