The journey between here and there

Josh made everyone “Happy Thanks giveing, Love Josh” cards. Yes, that’s how he spelled it. He’s so freakn’ sweet. I just love that kid. He’s my most sweetest, sensitive, funny kid.

Mya’s eyes grow big as a saucer and her face instantly clouds.

“Mom! Brandon took my fork! Give me back my fork you steeler! Mom, Brandon is a steeler!” She shrieks.

“Brandon give Mya’s fork back.”

Brandon just shrugs and tosses the fork at Mya.

“Brandon also took my chair!” She wails.

“Mya, just go get another chair,” I sigh.

Her mouth forms an o and she looks at me in disgust. “AH!” She humph’s and stares at me, then turns to glare at Brandon as she storms off to get her chair.

Laura and I just crack up laughing. Mya is just such a character.

*************
Mya comes bounding up to me.

“Mom, I’ve got something for you!” She pipes up.

“What is it?” I ask her wearily.

She then throws her arms around me and simply says, “A hug.”

She seems to do this when she knows that I’m grumpy and just sitting there sullenly. She’s so sweet.

*****************

Mya: Josh it is inappropriate to eat with your fingers.

 *******

Mya: Mom, I’ve decided to change my name.

Me: Oh ya?

Mya: Yep

Me: What’ your new name?

Mya: Raven

Me: Raven huh?  (I’m trying so hard not to laugh.) ok Raven. How are you Raven? What’s shaking Raven? What’s new in the zoo Raven? What are you up to Raven?

Mya: Mom, quit making fun of my new name. 

 ******

I really don’t like Superman Returns the movie, because I think the writers and director really screwed up what could have been fantastic. Stupid story line…. Superman knocks up Lois Lane? Really? So dumb… Lois was horrible. She sucked raw eggs. The Supes they choose was even worse. Tom Welling is my only superman and I can only see him playing the role. The only good thing about that show was Lex Luthor played by Kevin Spacey. That man is a genius! Loved his performance. 

Anyway, Ryan bought the movie to play while driving and because he’s on this, "I’m gonna buy any stupid movie" kick right now. So the kids are watching the show and every single time Superman comes into view Luke, the 2 1/2 year old screams out, "YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Superman!!!!!! YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Superman!!!" And he screams and giggles and claps. It just makes that movie bearable. We all just laugh at his reaction to seeing Superman come on screen.  

Really truly, that’s how I feel when Tom Welling appears on screen in Smallville. "Yeaaaahhh!!!! Tom!!!"

***********

Anytime I am not feeling good or if I’m grumpy, Josh will always come up to me and give me a hug. He is such a sweet boy. He is my most sensitive child and I just adore him.

**********

My kids have said so many other things that have cracked me up, but unfortunately I didn’t write them down fast enough and my brain is getting Alzheimer’s really bad. 

At the dinner table Josh shoves his fork in his mouth so it’s sticking out sideways like a dog bone.

“Do you know why I’m doing this?” He asks us his eyes dancing with mischief.

We all just pause and stare at him for a second.

Without missing a beat Mya pipes up and says, “Because you’re a freak?”

We all burst into laughter. She is picking up my phrases so quickly.

**********

We are having some of the black tie mousse cake.
Mya comes up and says, “Can I have some cow cake please?”

*********

For Christmas Mya got a Barbie doll that sings. When she opens it up and discovered it she says, “Oh yea!!! Now when I sing, boys will come to me!”

**********

Brandon was being very naughty. I got mad at him and said, “Brandon, you’re 6 now. You need to behave! I want you to be good and listen to what I say!!!”
Brandon looks at me and says, “Well, I’m still 5. I turn 6 tomorrow.”

I started writing this 2 years ago, but have since forgotten about it… so here it is now… 2 years later.

***************
Well, another successful birth is under my belt. I was at my Bunko group (a bunch of women that get together and play this retarded dice game. Everyone goes home with some sort of prize at the end of the night. I go cuz I need to get out and conversation is good.) It was July 18 and I was complaining cuz I was STILL prego and I was due July 17. I was contemplating taking castor oil and was asking everyone about their experience. Ya, I never ever want to take that vile stuff.

Thankfully around 10:30pm I began to feel a little ‘contractory’ as I like to call it. I got home and 11:00pm. Sure enough, my contractions started to come every 7 minutes for 10 - 15 seconds long. Whoo hoo! I was excited. This was the baby I was ACTUALLY ready for. My bags were packed, the babies bags, and everything was ready a week ago already. I’ve been getting quite annoyed that the baby had not arrived yet and finally the time was upon us. I was thrilled. I was so sick of being prego. I was a byatch the last 2 weeks. I was so uncomfortable and so big. It was terrible. I really hate being prego… I’m glad this is the last time I have to go through it.

I tried to sleep but by midnight they were 5 minutes apart 45 seconds long. So we called Christina, but she sent James. So we sent him home and called Ryan’s dad. I wanted someone to sleep upstairs so they could hear if the kids woke up at night, which lately they have been doing.

I got to the hospital around 1:30am. I met the midwives there and they checked to see how far along I was… only 4cm! What! I thought it would be more than that. So they made me stand and walk around for a bit. Within an hour I was 6 cm and ready to go in the tub.

I love the tub. The water feels so good. If my back hurts, I just lift myself up and float in the tub. It was so wonderful. I love giving birth in the tub. For some reason it seemed to take FOREVER to get to the pushing stage. I was talking, laughing and joking around with my midwives until the heavy pushing stage came. Then the contractions were happening too fast to be able to talk and I concentrated on pushing this baby out. Finally at 4:05 I began to push. 10 min later I had the baby.

Now I didn’t know what sex the baby was and I was really praying and hoping for a girl because my boys are CRAZY! The midwives check and said, “You have a beautiful baby boy!”

“OH CRAP!” I screamed. “I don’t want a boy! I want a girl. A nice calm girl!”

They put the baby in my arms and I pleaded with the baby, “please, please don’t be crazy like your brothers, please have the personality of your oldest sister. Please!”

Another baby boy. *sigh* I started to tear up and cry. Not from happiness, but from being overwhelmed. If he’s like the other 2 boys I’d have my hands full again.

“I’m so glad you’re fixed!” I growled at Ryan. “I never want to be pregnant again! I’m done.”

For the first time I actually wanted to stay in the hospital and just sleep. I was exhausted. I had been up all day and all night.

Our baby boy is 8 lbs 3 onz. and is 21 inches long. He was born at 4:19am.

After the baby and I were looked after, I didn’t tear at all… whoo hoo. I’m a pro by now. They sent me home. I was so tired. I did want to go out for breakfast though, but Ryan was being all stupid and didn’t want to go out for breakfast. We went through the McDonalds drive through, but I hate McDonalds and only had an oj. I was starving, but nothing on their menu tastes good. It’s all crap. I’d rather starve.

So we get home and Ryan’s dad looks at me and says, “Oh, you didn’t have the baby?”

“It’s in the car seat, I know I’m still fat, but I just gave birth 3 hours ago. I’m still skinnier than you.” I growled as I walked past and went upstairs to my bed. What a jackass, seriously. Who says that? I’m so sick of his stupid jokes and his retarded sense of humor.

I was so tired. Thankfully, friends came and got the 4 other kids so we just slept all day long with the baby. We didn’t know what to name him. I really wanted to name him Jacob, but Ryan didn’t like the name. It took us a week to name the baby. We argued back and forth and finally Ryan won. Ryan named him Luke Paul. I don’t like the name Luke. Paul is one of my dad’s middle names so I don’t mind that, but I’m not thrilled with Luke. I’m still hung up on Jacob. I love the name Jacob or Jack. Ah well…

3 days later we went to Ryan’s best friend’s wedding. I just took a bunch of tylenol and we were off for the weekend. It was so nice to get away. After the wedding, a week later we went camping for our family reunion.

Everyone thinks I’m just crazy cuz I’m up and around so quickly after a baby, but I figure that the baby now has to adjust to our schedule. He’s number 5, he’s gotta know his place and just roll with it. I’m not a first time mom either so I don’t need to be in bed all day with a newborn. I’m nursing the baby and cooking dinner and usually multi-tasking… You have to.

I asked Laura what she wanted to do for her extra curricular activity outside of school this year.

“I want to take Karate or Tae Kwon Do” she calmly replies.

Josh is standing beside her listening to our conversation.

She then turns to him and in a calm, yet deadly voice says, “And YOU are going to be my punching bag.” Then she gives him this evil grin.

Josh’s jaw drops and his eyes grow wide as saucers. “MOM!!!!”

I just laughed and assured him she’s just kidding.

Laura just smiles and shrugs then hisses in his direction, “I’m not. Kiya!” she says as she saunters off.

“MOOMMM!” Josh wails.

hehehe… The fun never stops.

I love that my girls are very tough, yet very soft. They are so fabulous.

Laura is just drop dead gorgeous. She gets prettier and prettier every year. I just stare at her and marvel at this amazing child I’ve been blessed with. She is beautiful on the inside and on the outside. She’s so mature for her age, so sweet, so wonderful, very helpful and just a joy to be around. She has Ryan’s personality with a little of mine mixed in as well. I’m just so glad I kept her. Everyone who meets her remarks on her wonderful personality and her sweet disposition. I’m so scared she will be taken away from me too early because she is so good. The other 4 are hellions and they’ve got a lot of life lessons to learn. This one. This one is very different. I cherish her and adore her.

Mya, my 3 year old is a hoot. She is full of piss and vinegar. Out of all my kids her personality matches mine the most. She says the funniest things, she’s as tough as nails, yet she’ll explode into tears if she’s too frustrated. She can take out the boys and hold her own. She speaks her mind all the time and she’s as stubborn as hell. She can be so sweet and caring, yet if you cross her she’s smart enough to cause hell, yet avoid getting in trouble for it. She’s very imaginative and talks to herself all the time.

*sigh* So I adore this child, but at the same time get very frustrated with her.

We are walking into Walmart the other day and I look down to grab her hand as we are walking across the parking lot. I stop dead in my tracks and stare at her in disbelief. I obviously didn’t check her over before we left the house.

“What?” She asks.

She’s got on her white old navy t-shirt that is stained from chocolate milk from this morning, her pink pants that have grass stains on the knees and are a little too short for her. Her pink Dora shoes are on the wrong feet and she has jam still smeared on her face from snack. To top it off she is wearing pink, orange and green swimming goggles. Her mousy brown hair is messy and flying all over the place struggling to break free from the strap that is holding the goggles to her head.

She looks like a homeless child.

“Mya…. why do you have goggles on?” I ask.

“I like them.” She responds quickly and simply.

“Take them off! They look silly. They are for the pool, not for going to Walmart.” I calmly respond.

“No, I LIKE them. They are my special glasses and I’m wearing them.” She adamantly replies.

*sigh*

“Fine, just don’t lose them in the store.” I smile and look at her.

We continue on into the store. She is happily skipping along just content with her little world, pumped over her swimming goggles. She looks absolutely ridiculous, yet she has no clue she looks as funny as she does. How awesome is that? I wish I had a camera to capture the moment.

This girl rocks my world.

Whenever I drive and she’s my back seat driver.

She’s always yelling at me to go faster or just to “GO!” She’ll yell at the other cars in front of us to get out of the way and tell me to go “FASTER!!!”

She says the funniest things all the time and I really need to start carrying around a note pad cuz I constantly forget 1/2 the things she says and how she says things. She is such an outspoken, crazy little girl.

She’ll look at me and say, “Mommy, you’re so beautiful! I love you!” Then she’ll give me a hug.

The other day Brandon pissed her off so she punched him in the eye.

Brandon complained, “Mya punched me in the eye mom!”

Mya sighs and says very annoyed, “I said sorry!”

She totally didn’t. I was right there. She does this a lot. If she gets mad, she’ll throttle the boys, then simply look at them and say, “sorry.” Then walk away.

When she gets in trouble she just looks all shocked that she’s in trouble and says, “Well, I SAID SORRY!!!!”

I have to try so hard not to laugh at her. I love the fact that she’s tough as nails, yet when you get down to it she’s really a softy.

One day she is caring around a glue stick. I eye it suspiciously.

“Mya, what are you doing with that glue stick?” I ask.

“Oh, I was just putting my picture up.” She says matter of factly. “Here, I’m done. You can have it now.”

“Where did you put your picture?”

“On the wall.” Is her reply.

“Which wall?” I ask dreading the answer.

“Come see it! It looks great!” She proudly answers.

She leads me over to their playroom, which is the space under the stairs. We had a door installed and turned it into the kids fort. She points to the wall. “See?”

“Oooohhh, very nice Mya! Ok, that’s fine. Just don’t be sticking your pictures up with glue anymore ok? Just come and ask me for a tac.” I’m relieved that it’s not upstairs. I don’t care what they do to the inside of their playroom/fort. Sheesh, that girl is creative.

I hear a “Psssssssssssssssssssss” sound. I’m folding laundry and think to myself, “hmm.. that sounds like the bathroom sink.” Luke was heading in that direction so I walked over to the open bathroom.

Nope he wasn’t there. Again I hear the “Psssssssssssssssssssssss” sound. I think that maybe it’s the kitchen sink so I head over to the kitchen and on my way I pass Laura’s room. Her door is wide open which is unusual because she normally closes and locks her door so the little kids don’t get in and trash it. I look in and there’s Luke with a big grin on his face spraying Laura’s Febreeze all over her Ipod docking station, her ipod and her night table.

“Luke!”

He looks at me and shrieks in delight. As I grab the Febreeze away from him he sprays me. There is Febreeze everywhere and now on me. Luke tears off out of the room. I wipe off the Ipod stuff, the floor and the night table.

I’m still wiping when I hear a banging sound and giggling. I run out to find Luke. He’s right around the corner standing by my new photo albums I just bought. He is smashing his bottle against the albums and milk is spraying all over them.

“LUKE!”

He looks at me and shrieks in delight. I grab his bottle away from him. He tears off out of the room and downstairs. I put his bottle in the fridge, wipe up the milk, then follow him downstairs. I hear clanging and scraping. I find Luke coming out of the theatre room with DVD’s in his hand. He’s smashing them together and rubbing the discs together.

“LUKE!!!”

He looks at me and grins his little toothy mischievous grin. I take the DVD’s away from him and he runs off to the VHS tapes and grabs his favorite orange Blue’s Clue’s Video. Thank goodness. I put it on and he happily settles himself down on the couch to watch.

I love VHS tapes. Why did they ever stop producing them? I’m going to go to all the garage sales I can and buy up all their tapes. Thank goodness for TV. What did people do before TV to distract the children?

A crash comes from upstairs. I hear, “OH no! RUN!” Footsteps race up the stairs to the bedrooms.

*sigh*

They are killing me slowly…..

"Mya, how did you get that hole in your pants?"

"Well, I went to the zoo and a lion came up to me and scratched me." Then she hangs her head, starts to sniffle and feels sorry for herself.

I just burst out laughing… way to milk it.  

*****************

 Mya: Daddy? When is it going to be my lucky day?

Ryan: Today is your lucky day! Today is MY lucky day!

Mya: really?  How come today is your lucky day?

Ryan: because I love you and get to spend time with you and play with you!

Mya: Well! Today is my lucky day too because I love you and I get to spend time with you too! And I love Joshy! And I love Laura and Brandon and Lukey and Mommy too! I’m so glad today is my lucky day!

**************** 

Jon: So when are you leaving for Vegas?

Ryan: Ummm…. I don’t know….some time this week, but don’t tell Joanne that I don’t know or she’ll get mad at me.

***************

Luke climbed up on the counters again, this time he got into the glass. He smashed a couple of wine glasses together and broke them. He was toasting himself probably for getting into the fragile glass cupboard.

 Mya and Luke woke up in the morning and they were covered in pink Crayola felt. Their faces, arms, legs and belly were painted in swirls of pink.

A couple of weeks later they got into my lipstick. This time, not only were their bodies covered in lipstick but Mya’s wall and her doll’s lips.  

***************

I opened the door to the basement to so Luke could play outside. I then continued to work. I didn’t hear him so I ran outside and to my horror the back gate was open. Brandon must have left it open on his way to the park. I ran up the steps to the front of the house. There was Luke walking around in my slippers and pushing the blue wagon in the middle of the road. I grabbed him and pulled the wagon back into the garage. I had to go out to pick up some milk so I put him in his car seat in the van then climbed in and backed the van out. I saw Josh come home and he wanted to come so he jumped in the van. Then Mya came running up. I see Brandon burning down the middle of the street with his tricycle. Following slowly behind him was a cop. *sigh* Great. Brandon parks his tricycle and hops into the van.  The cop then sits there and watches me for the next couple of minutes while the kids put their seat belts on. 

"Were you guys racing down the hill in the middle of the street again?" I asked the boys.

"Not me! I drove on the sidewalk. Just Brandon was driving down the middle of the street," replies Josh.

Just as everyone is in. Laura and her friend drive up on their bikes. I shoo them into the garage and close it behind them. I back up to leave. Thankfully the cop doesn’t pull me over or come over to talk to me. I don’t know if they guy was just driving around or if our neighbors called them.

*sigh* I need to move to a farm where there are no neighbors and the kids can just run. 

“Mya stop splashing in the tub.”
“I’m not.”
“Mya I can hear you splashing in the tub. Please stop.”
“I’m not splashing! My FEET are splashing.”
*sigh*

**************************************
It was beautiful day and I opened my bedroom window open a crack. About 6 inches to get some fresh air circulating in the house. Then I went downstairs to clean up the paper clutter in the basement. Luke decided to go outside…. so he pushed a chair up to the bedroom window, climbed up on the window sill and was 1/2 in and 1/2 onto the top of the garage when Laura came upstairs and found him. I don’t know why our children are so obsessed with climbing out of our window. It’s like ingrained in their DNA to climb, be mischievous and climb out of our window onto the garage all the time. Luke is only 20 months old!

*************************************
“RUN!!!!!!!!!!!”
I hear along with squeals of laughter and the boys racing upstairs.
“MOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!” screams Laura
*sigh* here we go again.
Laura furiously storms out of her room holding a poopy pair of underwear.
“The boys threw this in my bed! This is so disgusting!” she screams almost tearing up.
It was gross.
I walk up the stairs and I hear, “Here she comes! HIDE!!!”
I go upstairs and the boys are hiding under their blankets.
“Shhhh…. be quiet so she won’t find us.” Josh hisses to Brandon.
I quietly stand above them and don’t say anything.
For a few moments all is quiet so they peer out from their blankets and they see me hoovering right in front of their faces.
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” They jump and scream, startled that I’m right there, then dive back under their blankets. This always amuses me cuz like I can’t find them.

They love to terrorize Laura. In the summer Josh stuck a frog in her bed, another day it was an earthworm and another time it was a dead fly.
They always get in trouble, but they obviously think the reaction is worth all the trouble they get into.
…. dang, these boys are way too much like me.

************************************
I took Brandon out to buy him and Josh some shoes because some how over the winter their new shoes I bought for the fall managed to disappear. Brandon was so excited for a new pair of white Spiderman lace up shoes that he wore them to bed at night and slept with them on…. at least I know he likes them. He feels like a big boy now.

***********************************
“Mom, I can’t go out to do my flyers cuz it’s cold, snowing, windy, hailing and raining a bit,” whines Laura.
I do feel sorry for her because it is exactly as she describes outside.
“Fine, but you better get them done tomorrow after school.”
“Ok! Thanks!” she grins and off she goes.

10 minutes later I go downstairs and look outside. Laura, Joshua and Brandon are all jumping on the trampoline in the backyard while it is cold, snowing, windy, hailing and raining.

I just shake my head. They love jumping on the tramp when it’s raining.
30 min. later they come in laughing, exhausted and cold.

“So Laura, now I want you to go out and do your flyers,” I say.
“BUT MOOOMMM… It’s cold and snowing and windy and hailing and raining!!” she wails.
“Well, it obviously doesn’t bother you because you JUST got in from jumping on the tramp and playing in the snow, wind, rain and hail. Nice try. Go do your flyers!”
Defeated, off she went. She really didn’t have an argument and she knew it. She didn’t even try to argue.
I’m sure next time she’ll think it out better. She’s a quick learner.

************************************

Mya, Brandon and Josh were playing with matches again today. They were trying to light the grass in our backyard on fire. Laura caught them at it again. The box of matches smelled like they had lit a few. The first time they played with matches Ryan dealt with it and disciplined them his way by talking to them, showing them pictures of house fires on youtube, having the fire chief come over and trying to get them to understand why it’s not good to play with fire…… this time I disciplined them my way….. My hand hurts, they are in their rooms for the rest of the night and they get to eat tomorrow morning. If this doesn’t work I’m seriously contemplating giving them away to a Mary Poppins family in our ward.

*sigh* I just don’t know what to do. They are driving me crazy.

Mya and Brandon took the 2 dozen eggs in the fridge and cracked them on the slide and on the swing in the backyard.

Luke pushed a chair up to the kitchen counter, climbed up and began to play with the toaster oven on the counter. He was making toast. He now has a 2 degree burn on the top of his right hand.

*sigh* I need a nanny or a few bottles of Vodka.

I walk up the stairs and the smell hits… it’s a smell that curls the nose hairs and instantly sends a searing headache to the back of my brain. Instantly I begin looking for the little vile. I don’t have to look far, on the table is a splatter of blue. The smell is strong and intense. I look around more and sure enough, I find the brush and bottle of nail polish. Now my table has a lovely splatter of blue nail polish. I find the inside of a bowl painted with nail polish as well.

“Guess what mommy!?!” Mya says all proud of herself as she comes up the stairs.
I look and raise my eyebrow.”What?”
“I painted my nails ALL BY MYSELF” She’s grinning from ear to ear proud of her accomplishment.
How can I get mad at that?
“Just please try not to get it on the table.”
“Oh, that wasn’t me. That was Lukey,” she quickly replies.
“Well, don’t let him play with the nail polish. Take it away from him or tell me what he’s doing. ok?”
“ok.” Off she goes skipping down the hall.
I turn and look at the table. It really is a pretty shade of blue.

***********************
The door bell rings and a little blond girl stands at my door.
“Hi! Umm… there is a wagon in the middle of the road and a little boy was playing in the middle of the road.”
“What?!?”
I look outside and see the blue wagon. “Josh go get the wagon and park it in the garage not on the road.”
“There’s a little boy outside too,” the girl reminds me.
I don’t see a boy and I don’t know who she is talking about because I thought all the kids were inside. So I quickly run out the garage door. Traffic has stopped in front of our house waiting for the wagon to be moved. I look around the corner and sure enough, there is little 20 month old Luke happily sitting on a tricycle trying to move it across the pavement on the driveway.
“Lukey! How did you get out here?” He just grins back at me and tries to push his trike away from me. I quickly grab him and put the trike inside.
“Sorry!” I tell all the people in the vehicles. Josh brings the wagon into the garage. I chastise him for not closing the garage door properly and for leaving the garage door open.
*sigh* It’s always something.

**************************
Our neighbors next door are moving. I’m kind of sad because they were good neighbors and put up with our crazy, noisey side. They listed it really low, it sold in a week. Craziness! I’m worried about the kind of neighbors we are getting. I hope it’s a fun family with kids like the neighbors on the other side. I really need easy going people to live beside us to put up with the craziness that always happens.

*************************

Mya comes down the stairs with her hands behind her back. She is trying to keep her front towards me not turning as she walks by me pressing up against the wall.
*sigh*
“Mya, what’s behind your back?”
Her eyes grow as big as saucers and an expression of ‘how does she know?’ spreads across her face.
“Brandon gave it to me.” Is her reply, but she still doesn’t show me.
“What did he give you? Show me.”
She shows me the scissors. They are child scissors, but they are the school kid scissors. They still do damage if used the wrong way. There have been many hair cutting incidents lately.
“What are you doing with the scissors?” I ask.
“Making a craft. I want to cut some paper.”
“As long as it’s paper and not your hair. Your hair just grew back from the last time you cut it.”
“ok!” She grins as I give her paper. “I won’t cut my hair.”

************************

While we were getting ready for the non-talent show back in March we sent Mya over to play at a friend of mine’s house. As the lady was getting Mya ready to come back for the show Mya pipes up and says, “I’ve been really good! I didn’t even beat anyone up!”
LOL… Ryan’s instructions to her before she left was not to beat anyone up. She was very proud that she didn’t rumble with anyone… and so was I.

***********************
I got another call from school. Brandon got into another fight, this time with 4 other kids. *sigh* I just don’t know what to do. Again it was by playing army men. It got out of control and a fight broke out. The winner? Brandon. The kid knows how to put the beats on someone. Gets lots of practice at home by rumbling with his siblings. I’ve now banned him from playing army men at school.

************************
The next time Brandon went back to Kindergarten I got another call from school. I’m beginning to realize that anytime I see the school’s number pop up it’s not good news.
So I had dropped Brandon off at school late that morning. School starts at 8:35am and I didn’t get him there until 9am. So I told him to go up to the office to get his late slip then go to class and just tell them that I drove him to school late.
He goes up to the office to get his late slip. They ask him why he is late.
“I drove my bike to school,” he says. Which I laugh at because it’s so absurd. This school is totally across town and it takes me 10 min to drive to it with all the stupid traffic lights in this retarded town.
The teacher asks where he parks it and he said at the front doors. She said that bikes are not to be parked their and they have to move it.
So they go looking for his bike and they can’t find it. *shocker*
So then he tells them that someone must have stolen it.
A little while later he tells her that he rode his bike to Big Rock school and then I picked him up and drove him to school. I think the teacher realized then that she was being taken.
Finally he confesses that I just drove him to school.
I don’t know what possessed him to say all those things. Maybe he didn’t want to get me in trouble because I took him to school late? I don’t know.
So when he got home we had a chat about lying.

**********************
Today Luke decided that his shoe needed to be filled with chocolate powder. He tried to wear his shoe and left a little chocolate powder trail around the kitchen.

**********************
A few moments later Luke decided he didn’t want his diaper on. So he took it off the ran around in Laura’s room and pooped on her mattress. Lovely.

*********************

“Mom, how old were you when Robin Hood Prince of Thieves came out?”

“I was a teenager.”

“Really? How long ago was that?” Laura asks

Before I can even respond, Josh pips up “Like 1500 years ago?” …. sad part is that he was dead serious.

************************************
Mya screaming at Brandon.
“Are you crazy? What’s wrong with you?!? Are you crazy? I think you’re crazy!”

***********************************
“I know who is the oldest in the house,” Brandon says confidently.
“Who?” I ask.
“Daddy,” he says assuringly.
“Why do you think that?” I ask.
“Because he’s taller than you.”
“Good thinking.” lol…. I’m actually older, but it really doesn’t matter.
“So, how old do you think daddy is?”
“59″
“hmmm…. How old do you think I am?” I ask.
He looks at me and ponders this for a good 5 minutes. Finally he pipes up, “79″
“79 huh?”
“Yep,” he says with all seriousness.
“Well, you’re right. Good guess.”
LOL… why argue with a 5 year old?

**********************************

Beginning in January I decided to get a job. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile and now I finally went out and did something about it. As I went out for job interviews I realized that I’m really good at interviews and I can basically get any job I want. It was great to go out and be offered jobs at various great companies. It’s nice to know that I still got it. I had one interviewer tell me that I was so fun and she wanted to hang out with me and be my friend. I thought that was weird, but I ran with it.

January was Brandon’s 5th birthday. I made him a dinosaur cake with a volcano with lava made out of red candy pouring down the sides and sparklers for the fire. I need to download those pics then post them, cuz the cakes were amazing. We went to playtopia for his party. He had a blast. This year he wasn’t inviting and uninviting everyone he got mad at in the family. January was quite cold and just whirrled by. I got a job offer at West Jet and unfortunately had to turned it down. After I factored in driving cost, childcare, time spent on the road, I would end up with $100 a month. That blows billy goats.

February came around and it was Joshua’s birthday party. He turned 7. He wanted a volcano cake with real fire and army men. Done. I made a carrot cake square 10x13 cake for the base and made an angel food cake then put a chocolate coned cake on top of that. for the volcano. I cut a hole in the middle of the cone and dropped a shot glass down the middle. Thanks to Dave for the advice on liquor. I got some Everclear from the liquor store to pour into the shot glass. Unfortunately liquor burns blue. *sigh* So I panicked. I was up until 4am trying to figure out my problem and I solved my problem! Thanks to the internet I found a picture that had the volcano cake like Josh wanted. I blew it up and saw what they had done. Brilliant. How people survived before the internet I just don’t know. It sure makes life easier.

I packed 30 candles around the shot glass, around the candles I put 8 sparklers. I had army men and tanks surrounding the volcano, palm trees and a small blue lake that turned into a river then into a waterfall that spilled down the side of the cake. I made volcanic lava out of fondant and draped orange, red and yellow down the side of the volcano. It looked fabulous. Joshua’s eyes lit up when he saw his cake. It was exactly what he wanted.

We went to Mountain Shadows and lit the cake. We were 1/2 way lighting the cake and the flame shot up 1 foot. After we lit up the entire cake the flame jumped to 2 feet in the air. It was crazy! LOL… Josh tried to blow it out, but couldn’t. The flame would separate from the main part of the flame then jump back. He was just blowing flame everywhere. Ryan had to blow it out. The smoke that rose from the cake was crazy. I was waving a paper over the fire detector so it wouldn’t go off. All the kids were in awe over the cake. Dad’s who saw the cake loved it and wanted it for their birthday. LOL… It’s the fire. It was so cool. I loved it. Josh had a blast playing with all his friends.

February I started working as a manager for a movie theatre in Calgary that a friend of mine owns. It’s ok, but I want more of a ‘customer service’ type job not a ‘chasing after teenagers to get them to work’ job. The bonus is that I get to go to the movies for free and take a guest in for free. So over the reading week break I took my kids to see Enchanted (LOVED this movie), Waterhorse (Great kids show), and the Golden Compass (It sucked rotten bananas. I don’t see what the big deal is over this movie. It’s stupid. Not even worth a video rental. My kids were bored and so was I.)

Stupidly I agreed to work on Valentines Day. I totally spaced it and forgot it was Valentines. Ryan came to work and brought me a rose plant (which I’ve already killed), chocolate kisses and a card. Awww… how sweet. On Friday, we went out to Il Songo. It was amazing. There was a live jazz band playing. The food was incredible. It was a great restaurant. The service was impecible and the price was through the roof. However, despite the lovely ambiance and food. I was bored out of my mind. I must have ADD or something. I was soooooo bored. I’m tired of always being the fun one. For once in my life I just want to be entertained. I just want someone with the ability to make me laugh. I saw this older couple a few tables over. They came in, sat down, ordered, then just sat and stared at each other or looked around. They said all of 2 words to each other, ate their meal then left. I pointed them out to Ryan and was having him watch them, pointing out their behavior and boringness…. To which he replied…

“Isn’t that great! We’ll be like that one day.”

I just looked at him wide eyed and didn’t say anything. It took everything in my being and all my will power in the world, not to get up and leave that very second. I do NOT want to be like that one day!!!!!!!!! I feel like we’re like that now, if I’m not chattering or being silly then there is just silence. A feeling of dread just filled my entire being. I felt sick to my stomach. Tears welled up in my eyes, I smiled weakly and I quickly looked away. I bit my lip and blinked quickly to try to stop the tears from falling. Finally, I just excused myself and went to the women’s bathroom. I glanced in the mirror and I looked so sad. I tried to smile to shake the look off my face, but my eyes wouldn’t lie. I busied myself with the fun soaps and lotions in the bathroom until I was able to push the feelings down far enough. *sigh* It’s my own fault. I chose a guy for looks over personality.

Then my life picked up speed. I’m exhausted. Ryan and I volunteered to do the food for the scrapbook convention with all the benefits and proceeds going to the Women’s shelter out here. Plus I’m working and I have a huge ward activity in 2 weeks and Laura’s 10th birthday party in 3 weeks.

Wednesday, Feb 27, I worked until 3am. Came home, was up at 8am Thursday morning worked on the scrapbook convention for the women’s shelter all day Thursday didn’t go to bed until midnight. Friday I was up at 8am then did running around, picking up the food for the convention and went to Costco with 5 kids. I got so many sympathetic looks as I dragged 5 kids around with an overflowing shopping cart at Costco. I met Ryan at the theatre, swapped the van for the car and went to work. It was a Friday night and I didn’t get out of the theatre until 4am. Home by 4:30am, up at 8am and got ready for the convention that was happening at 9am. I ran and picked up all the fresh food that needed to be picked up that day. Ryan didn’t make the salad dressing like he was suppose to so I was scrambling on making that for lunch. Then when I did food estimations I was thinking Costco size not regular grocery size so I had to run out and buy more groceries because I didn’t have enough. I had a huge crew helping me in the kitchen prepping the food for 150 people. It was great.

For lunch we had Spolumbo’s deli subs, a fruit tray and a mandarin orange, strawberry salad with a poppy seed dressing made from scratch. Everyone loved it. For supper we had smoked pork sliced really fine from Hirsche Fraiser meats, a loaded baked potato with cheese sauce, chili, real bacon bits, chives, sour cream, cooked broccoli, grated cheddar cheese, sea salt and grated peppercorns, and a veggie tray. For dessert we had an assortment of Crave cupcakes. Everyone loved the food. When people filled out their surveys and were asked what was the best part of the convention 60% said “the food!” LOL… after that people loved the prizes that was given out. It was an amazing, fun, crazy and hectic day. The convention raised $10,000 for the shelter. How awesome is that! My friend who started this event and oversaw all the details is the most amazing woman I know. She truly is the power of one! She’s so generous, so fun, so upbeat, so charitable and positive. It was great to be a part of this wonderful event.

My birthday came and gone. I didn’t even celebrate it. Didn’t go out, didn’t have anyone over. I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t do anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Does it matter? No. I think when you get to be a certain age, you just don’t matter anymore. You just become insignificant. Ryan didn’t do anything. *shocker* I’ve stopped expecting anything. He gave me a new apple computer. He won it by selling lots at work. I don’t like the Mac. I can’t figure it out. I like Microsoft better. There’s some aspects I like, but some I don’t like. I just still use my slow computer cuz I know where everything is. I play around on the Mac a little, but really, when do I have time? I don’t. I wanted a gift certificate to go shopping and buy something just for me for once. I wanted to be left alone so I could sleep and have peace. I still had to take care of the kids and I ended up getting mad at Ryan cuz he just sat back and did nothing. He didn’t take care of the kids or help clean up. I hate birthdays. I’m so busy that we can’t even go out on a date to do anything until maybe the end of March, but that won’t happen.

Sunday, my birthday, I was promoting the non-talent show at the church. I worked 3 days that week and managed to switch my Friday so I wouldn’t have to work. The non-talent show happened on Saturday, March 8. It kicked butt! We had a stage and curtains. Ryan and I were Kermit and Miss Piggy. I wrote a 16 page script for the event and it was hilarious. We had acts like Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, Abbot and Costello, Def Leppard, the RCMP musical ride, Burping Champion, Double 0 Donut and Licence to thrill (break dancing mom-son team), muppet opening song, Waldorf and Statler, the Muppet News anchor and tonnes more acts. It was soooo much fun. I wanted to tape it and only 1/2 of it got tapped because unfortunately I assigned someone who was video camera challenged. Next time I’ll make sure to have 2 video cameras working. I did 5 costume changes throughout the hour long show. A green bridesmaid dress, a red ball gown dress, a black sparkling evening gown, my wedding dress and hip hop clothes. I had a prosthetic pigs nose that opened and closed when I talked. I also had a blond wig. It was great. My favorite part was Karate chopping Ryan after every bit that we did. The kids loved “Miss Piggy”. During the show they would chant “Miss Piggy!” or scream, “Hi! Miss Piggy!” or “Miss Piggy you’re crazy!” My voice was dead on. I found a talent. I can sound exactly like Miss Piggy. Everyone was saying that I was a perfect Miss Piggy. Well, I do channel her in real life. Ryan is like Kermit and I’m like Miss Piggy. It was so much fun. People were asking us to do it again in another 3 months. Nope. That was a once in 5 years deal.

Then I worked Sunday - Tuesday. I switched my Wednesday and Friday shifts. I’m exhausted. Everyday I wasn’t getting home until 2am, 3am and 5am. Then I’d be up at 8am only taking a 1/2 hour nap during the day because I am chasing after a toddler all day. Thursday I crashed. I slept from 11am - 4pm. I put Luke down for a nap at noon after he trashed the house very well and just slept hard.

I don’t like working late hours like that. It sucks. The house is a disaster. (I’ve got cleaners coming on Tuesday! Horray!) The kids school work hasn’t been getting done because Ryan doesn’t do it with them or think it’s important to do. Things just are not running smoothly at all. I’m so exhausted and tired all the time. This blows monkey brains.

I went to a police recruiting thing in Feb. After I looked at all the really personal questions they ask, I realized that I don’t have a problem with any of the questions except for the integrity questions. Yep. Got to have integrity to be a cop and I obviously don’t have any. One of the questions asks about software issues. I’ve got software issues. I’m not going to say what. Don’t want o convict myself here, but ya. So cops want honesty and integrity. Dammit. Don’t got the integrity part down. I’ll be honest about all the things I’ve done wrong. I don’t have a problem with that at all. Ryan laughed at me, “Ya, you’ll be honest about your dishonesty.” Dang rights I will… just don’t want to be tossed in jail for it. Really truly I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I’m sure the powers that be would. So being a cop is out. I told a few people I was thinking of applying and they all laughed and said the same thing, “What! YOU with a gun!?! Are you crazy?” Obviously I am.

I was hoping that by going to work, I’d feel happier and not so discontent with my life. I’d find a purpose and be happy. Nope. Staying home with the kids frustrates me, going to work frustrates me. I think I’m one of those people who are just not content or ever satisfied with anything they do. I’ve realized that is my challenge and my trial in life. I’ve always wondered what it was and now I know. No matter what I do, I’m just not happy. Sure, I have moments where I laugh, am silly, goofy and crazy. However, am I happy? No. Am I content with my life the way it is? No. I just don’t know or cannot figure out how to just be happy with life the way it is at this moment.

Sometimes I feel that maybe I will be happy if I just up and leave everything behind. The husband, the kids, everything. Just disappear. Start over. But I’ve seen other people who are like me attempt to do that. They have an affair, leave the wife and kids, start over…. yet they STILL are NOT happy. They are not happy with themselves and not happy with where they are in their life. So, might as well learn from other people’s experiences and mistakes I figure. What is my problem? Ryan thinks I need to go see the shrink again. I think I can work it out on my own. I’m not depressed, just not content and frustrated. I feel like there is something I should be doing, that I’m not doing. What? Despite the obvious - taking care of the family. What is it? There’s something else. I just can’t figure it out.

I’m so restless. I keep reminding myself on a daily sometimes hourly basis to stay. Not to leave. That the life I have is good and that Ryan is a good guy. I repeat it over and over in hopes to convince myself of these truths. All the while I’m antsy. Restless. Discontent. Unhappy. I try to keep myself so busy that I don’t have time to think about how annoyed at life I am….How I’ve done this to myself and there’s no escaping. That’s why I work and take on as many projects as I can. To help me forget that I’m miserable. To help me cope. I’m ridiculous. Life is insane. I know what I want, just don’t have a clue as to how to get there.

Everyone has their trials and challenges in life. To help them learn, grow and be a better person. When am I going to learn? How do I learn my lesson? When will I learn it so I can get on with my life already. Life sucks rotten tomatoes. I’m just being so negative. I’m trying to keep it in check, but I’m worried. I’m worried I won’t be able to keep this pace up. I’m worried I’m going to snap and do something I’ll most likely regret. *sigh* I know that others have it worse than me, others have it better and everyone has challenges. I just need something… I’m floating through life accomplishing nothing. My 20’s have passed, what have I accomplished? Nothing. Here I am in my 30’s and I’m just not living life the way I imagined it to be. I’m just wandering though a fog. A fog that swirls around me constantly. I can’t see ahead of me, behind me or beside me. I just follow the little yellow dotted lines along the highway and try to stay between the lines in hopes that eventually this fog will lift and life will get better.

You know that when someone calls and you hear, "Mrs. Lee? There has been an incident at school today…" you know it’s not going to be anything good.

So I got another phone call on Tuesday from the Vice Principal of Brandon’s Kindergarten at PP.

 Turns out Brandon got into a fight at school. He was playing army guys with his friends when they decided to play fight. The ‘play fighting’ turned serious and in the process the other kids boot fell off. Brandon picked up the boot then threw it at the boys head and had a direct hit. Then a couple of Grade 5 kids came over to break up the fight. They grabbed Brandon and Brandon got mad. He had a pencil and stabbed one kid in the arm and stabbed the other kid in the back with his pencil.

*sigh*

So Brandon was taken to the Principals office and he had a talking to. Then when he got home I spoke to him. He said he was just defending himself and he was angry when the older kids tried to grab him. When Ryan came home he talked to Brandon as well. Brandon told him what happened. Ryan kept asking him questions. Brandon sighs and says, "I don’t want to talk about this anymore."

LOL…. I laughed so hard when Brandon said that because Ryan always says that to me when we are arguing and he’s tired of talking.

I laughed at Ryan when he told me that. To which Ryan replied… "Well, he may get that from me, but he gets his temper from you."

*sigh* To which that is so true. I remember being in Grade 4, a boy named Glen pissed me off because he kept putting his hand on my desk so I stabbed his hand with a pencil. Man… why is it that our kids seem to take on our worst traits?

 *********

I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. I feel it coming on. It’s just a matter of days, hours, minutes before I snap.  Today Luke got into the dry paint powder. He dumped yellow paint all over himself and 1/2 the kitchen. He played in the toilet again with the toilet paper and poured water all over the floor when he was in the bathtub. He can now climb out of his crib and is very pleased with the new found freedom this brings him. He climbed up the cupboards again and played with the Pam spray and the whipping cream that was in the mixing bowl. He pushes a chair up to the stove, opens the pot lids on the stove, grabs a spoon and begins to stir. Then he grabs a knife and pokes at the meal that is bubbling on the stove. *sigh* Where am I? Usually I have just turned my back or have gone to fold laundry or am cleaning up the mess he made around the corner. I’m going insane. I want to be commited. Come on over! Wrap me up in a straight jacket, throw me in a room and pump me full of meds… it’s all good. At least I’ll have some peace.

******** 

I had the Fire Chief, who lives 2 doors down from us, come by the house 2 weeks ago. The boys were playing outside in the backyard and it was cold out so they decided to try and light a fire to keep warm. We have a bunch of wood that we store on the side of the house for when we go camping.  They got the box of matches down from the high cupboard, took them out and were attempting to light a fire. Thankfully, Laura caught them and ratted them out.

Ryan talk to them because I was too mad to talk. I was furious. They could have burnt down our house and our neighbors house. Ryan, the ever patient one, showed them a house fire video from youtube and told them that little boys started that fire because they were playing with matches and they died. I went over to the fire chief’s house and had him come over to talk to the boys about fire safety. *sigh* I just don’t know what to do. I so suck at this parenting thing.

I was over at meal circle (where a bunch of ladies get together once a month to make meals and put in the freezer so you can just take it out and toss in your crockpot when you need to) and a lady was there who I will now call "Mary Poppins." Her boys started fighting and she rushed over and said in the sweetest, most syrupy lovely voice, "Now boys, that’s not nice to fight with one another. ______ you hurt _____ feelings, please apologize to him." And she went on in this loving manner chastizing her boys. Her boys immediately calmed down and apologized. I watched the scene unfold in complete and utter amazement. She was so wonderful and so sweet and loving towards them. They knew she was serious. She always has a smile on her face and is quick to laugh. When she was talking to her boys I felt she was about to break out into song and start singing at them. *sigh* Why can’t I be a Mary Poppins mom? Man. Seriously… I don’t know why God gave me kids. I feel like a failure everyday. The Mary Poppins of the world should have all the children not the Cruella De Vil’s of the world like me. 

"Mya, did you change your pants?"

Blank stare back.

"Mya, did you pee in your pants?" 

She shakes her head no.

*sigh* "Mya, I know you changed your pants. I can tell. Did you pee in your pants?"

"No, I peed in my socks." she says.

 "Well, I’m glad you changed."

 *************

Brandon and Josh were play fighting in the bathroom. Josh took toothpaste and put it on the left side of Brandon’s head. Brandon thought the only way he could remove the toothpaste from his hair was to cut it out. So he had a 2x2 inch area cut off the side of his head. The rest of hair was long and shaggy. It took me about 3 weeks before I got around to bringing him into the barber. He looked ridiculous and it was hilarious. I unfortunately thought I had taken a pic, but alas another brain freeze. I didn’t capture this picture worthy moment. I took him to Beaners and she cut his hair in a caesar style cut. As she was cutting his hair on the top she noticed he had taken a huge chunk out of the top of his head as well. So now we spike his hair out to kind of make it all "blend in."

 ***************

Mya also decided to play barber and cut her hair on 5 occassions. I keep hiding the scissors but they keep finding it. Mya and Brandon decided to play barber shop. So they cut each other’s hair and Luke’s as well. When oh when do they grow out of this crazy stage?

**************

Brandon and Josh were arguing in  their bedroom. This is their conversation.

Josh: Brandon! You make me so mad! You’re a poo-poo-head and a  dorkus goober joker!

Brandon: Oh ya! Well, you….you… you… are all those things too and MORE!

Way to tell him Brandon… lol…

 *******************

Luke can now say, "ma-ma", "da-da", "wa-wa" (laura), "bye-bye", "hi" and "hewo". He is just like Josh at this age and he is driving me crazy! He gets into everything! He pushes the kitchen chair up to the sink, then climbs into the sink to play with any dishes in the sink or he’ll climb the cupboards and take the dishes out. I’ll pull him down from that and put him on the ground and he’ll head towards the plastic cupboard and begin emptying things out of there. I take him away from there and put those things back and I turn around and he’s in the pantry climbing the shelves, pulling the items off the pantry shelf, or he’s playing the the bag of flour or he’s playing in the bag of rice or dumping cereal on the floor. I take him out of that, clean that up and while I am doing that he climbs up on my piano, all the way to the top to play with the little decorative candle and the ornaments I have on top of the piano. His feet all the while stomping on the keyboards. I chase him away from there and he goes to the bookshelf and pulls all the books out of the bookshelf. I take him away from there and he runs to the kitchen, opens up the pots and pans drawer, pulling out a pot, lid and metal spoon and begins his little drumming session. After he finishes that he runs to my cookbook/cookie cutter cupboard and takes those out and spreads them around. I shoe him out of the kitchen and he goes upstairs. I hear splashing and go racing upstairs. He is unrolling all the toilet paper into the toilet and playing with the water. Of course one of the older kids has forgotten to flush the toilet. I turn on the water in the bathtub to give Luke a bath. I take off his diaper and Luke pees all over the floor. I put Luke in the bathtub. As I clean up the mess of the pee, toilet water and toilet paper all over the floor, he proceeds to take the little play flower watering can and dump water on the floor. I quickly wash him off and get him out of the tub. I take him out of the tub and turn to drain the tub he instantly races over to the our bathroom ensuite and begins to empty out all the stuff from under the sink. I catch him and put his diaper on before he pees. He runs over to Ryan’s desk in the bedroom, climbs up on the chair and starts to throw stuff off the desk. I pull him off the desk and he races over to the phone. He grabs the phone and begins calling China. *sigh* This goes on ALL day long. It’s all I do, just chase after him cleaning up after all his messes that he creates ever nano second. I look at him and say wearily, "Ya know Luke, I go to work because of you."

I so need a nanny, this kid is going to be the end of me. I’m soooooooooooo glad I’m done having kids. People say you know when you’re done and oh ya, I know. I see people prego or with babies and I just shudder. I always look at them with pity and think, "Thank God that’s not me and I’m not pregnant anymore." It’s such a relief and I have no desire to have anymore kids. I’ve done my share. I’ve had 5. Now I can step aside and let someone else take the "BreedersRUs" Crown.

The crazy thing is no one really understands unless they have 5 kids of their own. Even if they have one or two or three… They have NO idea. They may have a little clue or inkling, but the sound decible level in our house I’m sure rivals a Boeing 747. I’m glad I had them all close together, but it’s exhausting. Now that I’m working I feel like I work all day at home, then I go work for 8 hours in the evening chasing after a bunch of teenagers at the theatre. I’m exhausted and I’m busy…. but you know what the crazy part is? I’m actually enjoying being busy. I’m happier. I find that if I don’t make myself crazy busy where I pass out from exhaustion at the end of the night, I’m just not happy. I need to be constantly busy, on the move and have every single moment of my day packed with something. How bizarre. 

The kids were playing tag when I hear this familiar… yet oddly different rhyme…

"Brandon’s it,

had a fit,

chased a naked idiot" 

 Personally I think this is rather funny….

“I want to play on the computer!” wails Brandon from downstairs.
“No! It’s my turn! You have to wait.” insists Josh

I don’t go downstairs because I hope they will solve their differences and work it out.

After 30 minutes of arguing Brandon finally loses it. He grabs the keyboard, throws it on the ground and begins to jump on the keyboard.

“MOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!” screams Josh.

*sigh* Never a dull moment. I grounded Brandon for a week from the computer. He’s going through serious withdrawal. Everyday he asks if he can play yet. After every chore he does, he asks if he can play on the computer. A week is dragging for him.

*****
Brandon woke up in the morning and decided to put Jet Dry in the dishwasher.

“What are you doing?!?” I ask.

“The dishwasher needs it.” he replies calmly trying to open the little door.

Why would he think that?!? I asked him, but he just shrugged.

*sigh* I’ll never understand this boy.

*******

Brandon: You know my school mom, Pigglys Pegsler?
LOL… so cute… his school is actually called, “Percy Peglar”

*******
Brandon is climbing up on top of our headboard and Ryan is lying on the bed.
Ryan: Brandon, are you going to be in trouble soon?
Brandon giggling, “No, not trouble for me… but trouble for you!” he exclaims as he flies off the headboard and lands on Ryan’s stomach

********
Josh is playing at the computer and Brandon is bugging him.
Josh: Brandon, You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin
********
Luke pulled a can of mandarin oranges out of the garbage can and shoved his finger inside then pulled it out. He cut his finger so deeply and needed 4 stitches.
*******
Mya: Is Santa making toys for me!
Me: Yes
Mya: REALLY! For me and Joshy, and Brandon and Lukey!
Me: yes
Mya: YEAH! Oh I like Santa!
**********

"Hello, May I speak to Brandon’s mom please?"

"Speaking."

"This is the principal calling,"

‘Great’ I thought, ‘either the school is burning down or he’s in trouble.’

"We’ve had an incident involving your son and another little boy in school."

"ok…" it’s the latter… little shiz disturber…

"He was in the bathroom with the other boy and he was going to spank a classmate’s bum, so the other boy peed all over your child from head to toe."

I began to smirk… "Really?"

"Yes. Your son said he was hiding his hand behind his back and was going to spank the other boys bum while he was peeing. He other child didn’t want to be spanked so he peed on your son. Now we’ve given him a new shirt and we’re wondering what you want us to do? If you want us to send him on the bus or if you’d like to pick him up?"

I began to laugh really hard. For 2 minutes straight I just sat on the phone laughing. "Sorry" was all I could sputter. I tried so hard to keep it together. "That’s hilarious! He got peed on cuz he tried to spank another boy?!?" BAHAHAHAAHAH….

 "I hope you’re not going to do this in front of your son," the principal.

 Tears are streaming down my cheeks from laughing…

I take a deep breath."Oh no! Don’t worry, I’m just getting it out now so that when he comes home I’ll be serious." I bite my lip to try to stop myself from giggling again. "I’ll have a talk with him about keeping his hands to himself and to not spank anybody while they are going to the bathroom." I try to sound serious but I’m still killing myself laughing inside.

 "I’ve spoken to both the boys so hopefully this will not happen again," the princial said.

"Yes, of course. Mind you, it is rather funny. Just send him on the bus. If he is full of pee, he can just dry off and take a bath when he gets home. He’s one of 5. If this was my first I’d be freaking out, but this is funny and really the punishment fits the crime. I don’t mean to be making light of the situation, but you’ve got to admit… it’s funny." I responded.

 "Yes, and when they are out of my presence I will be doing the same thing you are," she replied.

Never a dull moment in our house. I always thought Josh would be the first one to cause trouble and have the principal call me, but I guess it’s Brandon. That surprises me.

Still… I can’t believe he got peed on. When I told Ryan he just laughed and said, "When I was in Grade 1, I got peed on too." LOL… like father like son.  

I’ve been meaning to write this down, but have been too busy to do so since this summer and been a whirl wind of activities.

We went out with friends of ours to celebrate his birthday. We went to this fantastic Greek restaurant out here, the food is so yummy in your tummy and the rack of lamb is to die for. 15 minutes into our lovely evening our appetizers had just been placd in front of us when Ryan’s cell phone rang…

“Hi! This is your neighbor, I just thought I’d call you to let you know that your son Brandon is missing.”

Dog-gone-it that boy!

“The babysitter is looking for him at the park, my wife is driving around the neighborhood and we are going to check your house once more to see if he is hiding anywhere,” our nice neighbor says.

*sigh*

Now at this point we have a decision to make. Do we get up to leave to aid in the search or do we sit and eat because we are starving. Our friends look at us all frantic and ask for a report on how their 2 sweet girls are doing and if they are ok. Of course their kids are doing great.

“Should I go back and try to find him?” I ask Ryan.

“No, they’ll find him. There’s nothing more we can do. They are already looking for him,” he says as he munches down on the plate of appetizers.

I know he is right, but I still think we should go look.

“No, I’m not ruining my dinner. Just give them another 20 minutes.” Ryan says calmly. When Ryan is hungry and there is food in front of him, heaven or hell can’t move him until he is full.

“Did you say they were going to look through our house?!?” I gasped.

“Yep”

I groaned. Earlier that morning Ryan had decided to “clean” the walk in closet. I didn’t let him touch my side or my clothes, but he “cleaned” out his side…. So Ryan’s definition of “clean” is to take EVERYTHING that he owns and that is his and throw it on the floor in the hallway, on our bed and on the floor as he sorts through everything.

BEFORE he started this “project” I made him promise that he would have it done by 5:00pm when we had to go out for dinner. After promising and assuring me it would all get done he proceeded with the mayhem. I just stayed downstairs because you couldn’t even walk in the halls or anywhere upstairs. There were clothes, hangers, shoes, belts, ties, socks and all sorts of things piled and thrown around… After 5 hours of working away - he’s very meticulous and perfectionist when it comes to sorting his clothes, folding them just so and putting them back in closet - he still wasn’t done. I was annoyed and tried to help but he flipped out. It didn’t come as a surprise when 5:00pm came and he wasn’t even 1/2 done.

We just left the crazy mess all there and told the babysitter not to let the kids play up in our room or in the hallway upstairs…. The image of the horrible chaos seared in my brain when I the next horrifying thought ran through…. ‘The neighbors are going to be looking all over our house for Brandon’…that would mean they will be going upstairs to the mess that Ryan left behind. Holy Hell!

I reminded Ryan of the disaster that he left and began to complain that he didn’t get it all finished in time and now our NEIGHBORS are going to be traipsing through the mess.

Ryan just shrugged and happily munched away on the food. I looked at him and wished he would choke on the shrimp. I was worried about Brandon but also embarrassed and horrified over the disarray they would encounter upstairs.

“Maybe Brandon isn’t even upstairs, he’s probably hiding in the toy closet”Ryan offers, “there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“Except maybe go and help so they don’t have to do into our house!” I snap as I get up trying to leave.

“I’m not giving you the keys and I’m not having my dinner ruined. They’ll find him. Sit down.” Ryan says firmly.

“I swear to God, if I was Darth Vader you’d be in a lot of pain right now!” I seethe.

Ryan just laughs at me.

Sure enough 10 minutes later the neighbor calls back.

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know my wife found your son.”

“Thank you so much for all your help! Where was he?”

“He had fallen asleep under all the clothes and blankets that were on your bed in your room.”

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time for more….

Brandon is in 2 schools this year. 1 is his preschool that he does M,W and alternating F. The other is French Immersion Kindergarten. His birthday is in January so I can put him in both. I will be putting him into English Kindergarten next year, then Grade 1 etc. So he LOVES going to Sunshine Preschool. He thinks its a blast. He HATES going to Kindergarten because they tell him to do things, like sit in circle time, and they expect him to do things. He goes to French Kindergarten all day on Tuesdays, Thursdays and alternating Fridays. So in the morning he usually asks this:

“Mom, am I going to the school I hate or the school I like?”
I’ll try to be positive and say, “Oh it’s Kindergarten! You LOVE going to kindergarten! It’s so much fun.”
To which he’ll look at me and straight faced say, “no mom… I hate that one. I ONLY like Sunshine school.”

Mya LOVES school. She’s going to the 3yr. old program at Sunshine. She has a blast. She walks around with her backpack and just begs to go to school even though it’s not a school day.

Ryan loves to tease Mya. He’ll say, “How’s my honey bunny today?”
She look at him, glare and quickly reply, “I’m NOT your honey bunny! I’m MYA!”
“Oh Sorry Sweetie Pie!” he’ll quickly reply.
“I’m NOT your sweetie pie! I’m MYA!” she’ll say forcefully. heheh… soooo funny. He will bug her for quite awhile doing this until she begins to cry. It’s just sooo cute when she says, “I’m not your sugar plum! I’m MYA!” or whatever little nick name Ryan will use.
“I’m not Mya Foo Foo! I’m just MYA! Right mommy? Just MYA!”

Joshua LOVES Grade 1. I think it’s just because his best friend is in Grade 2 so at recess and lunch they play really hard. When he came home from school the first day he proclaimed, “I had the best day of my ENTIRE LIFE!” Every day, is always a great day. So I’m glad he is loving Grade 1. I was a little worried that he would hate school.

Laura is enjoying Grade 4. It’s a huge homework jump. There’s lots of homework every night and she always tries to get out of it which drives me crazy. So now we have a rule. If her homework and chores are not done, then she can’t go to Tumble and Trampoline, which she loves. That child is a monkey… well, all my kids are, but she climbed up one of those rope things all the way to the ceiling! I was amazed! The kid is strong! I hope she likes going. It’s her new thing she is taking up. She has tried dance which she didn’t like. I’m really sad about that cuz she’d be really good! She’s got the slim body type for it and she’d be amazing! Her teacher said she was a natural, but she just doesn’t like it. She tried soccer, didn’t like it. She tried piano for 4 years, she thinks it’s alright. She has done gymnastics wasn’t too keen on that as well. So I dunno, maybe with the trampoline we have in our backyard she’ll like this program cuz then she can take the what she learns and use it on our trampoline at home. I’ve also enrolled Laura and Josh in basketball. I want them to be involved in sports. I’d like them to be involved in other stuff as well, but I don’t want to hyper parent and go all crazy with the extra curricular activities.

Luke is getting into EVERYTHING… there is nothing that boy won’t climb. I’m constantly having to haul him out of the pantry or out of the dishwasher or off the cupboards. He’s crazy. He loves to play in the toilet. The boys always forget to flush so there’s ALWAYS pee in the toilet. If they leave the door open and Luke sees, he makes a b-line for the bathroom. He happily plays in there splashing away until I finally find him. Ewww… so gross. *sigh* poor kid. He gets an immediate bath, which he loves cuz then he gets to now splash in the tub water. I think he is allergic to milk. He has a constant runny nose, but no cough or fever. He can’t have a cold for 3 months. So I’m going to have to take him off milk to see if it will clear up. I’ll probably have to reintroduce it when he’s a bit older.

I’m ready to give my middle child to social services…. I’m kidding… well, only 1/2.

Brandon is giving me a run for my money and I am about to go insane. I’m having such a hard time dealing with him.

He’s getting into all kinds of mischief. He took out the chocolate powder and spread it all over the kitchen floor.

He keeps fighting with Mya all the time. Those 2 are constantly fight over everything.

Luke was playing in the grass in the back yard. Brandon stood on the deck and peed on Luke. I had a cooler on the deck and he threw it over the deck barely missing Luke. He will hit and punch Luke sometimes. I ask him why he does that and he says, “I’m just sick of him. I don’t want a baby brother.” I think the jealousy monster is rearing it’s ugly head.

He’ll take things and break them. He’ll take food out and sneak it into his room or in the basement then make a mess with it. I bought some blueberries the other day. Joshua, Mya and Brandon had a blueberry fight. Blueberries were scattered all over the floor and some were squished into the floor. I made them pick it up.

Brandon and Josh keep fighting with one another. ACK!!!!!! I can’t wait for school to start. At least then they’ll be occupied. It’s been harsh having to get back to reality and having to deal with the kids after 5 days alone in Victoria.

Joshua has been causing me grief as well. He’s is constantly pestering his brothers and sisters. Always trying to get a rise out of them by being annoying.

Brandon comes downstairs complaining that Josh put poo in his mouth.
“Is that true Josh?” I asked.
“Well, it was only a little bit!” he exclaims.
“Where did you get the poo?!?” I ask.
“I dug it out of my bum.” he replies.
ACK!!!!
“Go to your room! You do not do that to your brother! Think about what you did and why it is wrong to put your poo in your brothers mouth!”
“But I only put a little bit in! It wasn’t very much at all!!!” he wails.

*sigh* Holy crap. Literally… holy crap!

Man… reminds me of the time when Anthony and I put some rabbit poo in a box of Glossette raisins, then fed them to John… HAHAHAHA…. hilarious! Then he got worms… hehe…

Guess I better take Brandon to the doctor to see if he has worms…

“Dane don’t bring that in. Put that back out. My mom is sitting at the computer over there,” Josh says in a hushed voice.

“But she’s got her back turned, she won’t see us!” Dane replies.

“Yes, she will! She’s got eyes in the back of her head!” Josh says.

“No she doesn’t!”

“Yes!” Josh replies with conviction, “she can see! I was doing something bad one day and she knew!”

“Don’t get into any mischief!” I say.

“SEE!” Josh whispers at Dane… “she can see us!”

Why do my kids insist on causing so much mischief?

Today they went through our medicine cabinet grabbed Ryan’s shaving cream, vitamins and diaper wipes. They then went to our window (I know I still need to get a screen) and proceeded to throw vitamins and diaper wipes out the window. Then they sprayed shaving cream all over the roof. All the while they hung 1/2 out the window and yelled at people that strolled by the house, “Hey! You’ve got big butts!”

*sigh*

***
They ride the rubbermaid toy boxes down the basement stairs. Josh and Brandon ride down. They go so fast and I’m amazed they don’t get hurt. They kill themselves laughing. I keep telling them to stop, but they do it anyway. Laura and Mya don’t go anywhere near the ’stair slide.’

***
They keep playing Ding Dong Ditch. They run out of the backyard and ring the front door bell then run behind the garage. I now don’t even answer the door. The neighbors call me when someone is actually at my door. I finally went and bought another lock for the gate so this insanity they’ve thought up is over.
***

Luke keeps climbing. He loves to play in the pantry. He climbs on top of the honey pail, on top of the pancake pail, climbs up the first row of shelves, climbs up the second shelf and then starts to scream like a little piglet until I come and take him down. He also loves to climb up the dishwasher. He will climb on the door, step on the first shelf and grab onto the second. Then he’ll sway and shake his body. *sigh* great… another crazy boy.

Things I don’t like to hear:
“Mom’s coming! Quick HIDE!….” or

Even worse:
“Mom’s coming! Quick hide IT!”

That always means trouble or mischief of some sort.

~~~~~~~~~
Mya: “Mommy, I LOVE Lukey! He’s my baby!”
Me: “No, he’s my baby!”
Mya: “NO, He’s not your baby! He’s MY baby!”
She is so possessive over him.
~~~~~~
Mya wanted to go with Laura to do her paper route. I told her she could because she was too small.
Mya (2 years old) : “But I went pee in the toilet! I’m big!”
Me: Yes, but not big enough to go out with Laura.
Mya: “Yes, I am big. I’m a big girl! See?”

Poor kid.
~~~~~~
I scared Mya while she was sitting on the counter.
Mya scowls, “Mommy, You scared me! Don’t do that!”
Me: “Sorry, it was funny.”
“Well, it’s not funny for me!” she says with her eye brows furrowed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryan: if you cleaned up the basement you get to go to Tim Horton’s after soccer. Boys did you clean up the basement?
Josh(enthusiastically): Yep, it’s all clean!! Very clean!
Brandon: Yep…… (pause for 20 seconds) Are you going to check?
Ryan: Yes
Brandon: “Oh….” he says in a defeated voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brandon came up to me one day after playing in the backyard and gave me a hug. He looked at me with his big brown soft eyes and said, “Mommy promise me you won’t die.”

I just smiled and said, “I promise I won’t die for a long time, but you know eventually everyone dies honey…. but don’t worry, if I do die, I’ll just hang out around the house and haunt you ok?”

He just said, “Please don’t die. I don’t want you to die.”

I just said, “ok.” He obviously didn’t get my teasing from before. I don’t know what made him say that. I asked him why he would say that but he didn’t say anything.

Sometimes I wonder about him. He says some freaky stuff sometimes that I wonder if he is somehow able to see things or have dreams about what will happen. The only reason why I think so, is cuz I have this ability and I wonder if he has inherited it.

He would tell us things like, “you have to be careful and watch Mya when she is playing by the river or she will fall in and die.”

I know it’s stating the obvious, but then he goes into detail about what the day is like and exactly how she drowns as if he is watching it happen. Hmmm…

So I’m just careful.

I’m sure our neighbors think we are in the running for the worst parents…

May 6, 2007
I was in the basement and I heard my doorbell ring frantically. I ran upstairs and opened the door. 2 kids were standing there all wide eyed, scared and breathless.

“There’s a little boy on your roof!” they blurt out.

“Thanks!” I yelped over my shoulder as I bolted upstairs.

Sure enough as I got to the top of the stairs I could see into my bedroom and I saw Brandon and Mya on the roof.

“BRANDON!” I yelled. He jumped, turned and started to come in through the window. I grabbed his arm and began to pull him in. Mya turned and went to come in too, but she slipped and fell backward. She fell on her back and began to slide down the roof.

Still holding on to Brandon I reached through the window and grabbed Mya by her ankle with my other hand.

I pulled Brandon in and then pulled a crying, scared Mya through the window.

“What were you thinking?!? Why would you go out on the roof!?! If you fall off the roof you could die!” I yelled at them. They just stared at me and blinked. ARG!

I sent them both to their rooms. I was so scared and furious.

*sigh* we need to get a screen on our bedroom window. I had opened the window to air out the house since it was so nice not thinking the kids would hop out onto the roof.

Where did they get the idea? Unfortunately from me… I went out on the roof to put up the Christmas lights and they watched me do it.

Why is there no screen on the window? They had cut it with an exacto knife, then dug their fingers in the screen until it was really wide. I had taken it down so I could take it to Gienow and have a new screen put in…. I just haven’t had the time to go down there. I keep forgetting about it until something like this happens or until mosquitoes start flying through the window.

Man… and to think we went through a similar experience last week… thank goodness the neighbors found Brandon before we had to resort to the police, etc….never a dull moment at our house. Not as bad as this story though….

…………..

A boss wondered why one of his most valued
employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having
an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and
was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the
boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could
leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else
there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his
employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak
with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,”
came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded
like a helicopter through the ear piece on the
phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now
truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search
team just landed the Helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the
boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a
muffled giggle: “ME.”

Brandon: “Daddy you’re fired.” He’s annoyed at Ryan for something.
Ryan: “What does that mean?”
Brandon: “It means you’re toast!”

*****

Mya calls Luke: Lukey dukey

We are on the tough road of toilet training Mya. I really don’t enjoy this part and I hope it goes quickly with her. I’m doing the bribing thing with her.
“Mya if you go pee or poo on the toilet I’ll give you a lollipop.”
“A LOLLI!!!!! OK!” She is grinning from ear to ear her little body vibrating with excitement. She clenches her teeth and squeals in anticipation for a lollipop.

Except I think she has the system worked out though. She’ll ask to go to the bathroom. She go pee a little bit, then hop off ask for her lollipop. Once she is finished her lollipop she run back to the bathroom, pee a little bit then ask for another lollipop. *sigh* Whatever works right.

*****
Luke can now crawl around everywhere and even crawl up the stairs. On Sunday March 25 I heard Luke crying and it sounded like he was panicking. I told Ryan to go get him since we were taking a nap.
“What happened?” I asked as he brings in a grinning Luke kicking his feet and waving his hands.
“Oh, he had climbed up the first to stairs to come upstairs and he was screaming as if he was hanging off of the CN Tower.”

January 2007:

Ryan: Joshua quit bossing around Brandon

Josh: But dad! It’s my job!

Ryan: How do you figure?

Josh: Well, I’m the boss of Brandon (3), Brandon is the boss of Mya(2), Mya is the boss of Luke(5months), Laura (8) is the boss of me(5), and Mommy is the boss of YOU!

Ryan: and who am I the boss of?

Josh: nobody.

LMAO…. oh my gosh, I laughed my head off. Well, at least the kid knows who wears the pants in the family!

***************
Whenever Brandon gets mad at Mya, Josh, Laura, me or Ryan he shouts:
“You’re not invited to my birthday anymore! You’re not!”

***************
September 2006
Anytime Mya needs help she says, “help you! help you!”

She calls Brandon, “dandon”
She calls bananas, “nanas”

***************
Josh: Hey mom! Guess what I want to be when I grow up?

Me: What?

Josh: (all excited) I want to be a scientist!

Me: Really?!? Wow! That’s great! Why do you want to be a scientist?

Josh: So I can do cool experiments and blow things up!!!

*sigh* well, at least he’s not working at Macs anymore. He’s moving up the job chain.

I love it!

Laura and Josh were looking at a brown stain in the carpet.

Laura: What do you think that is?

Josh: I think it’s chocolate.

Laura: I don’t know. It might be poo. Why don’t you smell it and find out?

Josh: Why do I always have to be the one that smells it?

Ryan: did you wash your hands with soap?

Brandon: Yep, I used the stinky soap in the bathroom.

The boys are not fond of the new soap I got from Bath and Body Works.

Ryan and I are at the dinner table talking about money.

Josh pipes up: You know if you want to make some money you can just sell Brandon in a garage sale.

Ryan: Really? How much do you think we can get for him?

Josh: Oh, about twenty five hundred cents.

Ryan: Do you really want to sell your brother?

Josh: pauses and thinks for a moment: Well, I guess not. I was just joking.

******

September 2005:

Josh: Mommy, if you’re mad at daddy you need to count to 10.

*****

Joshua talking about my miscarriage.

Josh: When mommy was bleeding from her private parts it was all green. The baby came out and waved bye - bye and it died.

I have no idea where he got the color green from! Interesting perspective coming from a child.

*****

Josh saw a few girls in their teens talking, goofing around and screaming as they walked past our house.

Josh looks at me and says, “Mom, all the girls in this town are crazy!”

*****

October 2005

Laura was getting impatient and was waiting for me to help her review her spelling words.

Laura: *sigh* annoyed tone : ok, lets get this over with

*****

July 2006

Laura: did mom have a boy or a girl?

Grandpa Lee: she had a boy!

Laura: *groans and rolls her eyes* Oh no! Not another one!

Laura: Mom are you chewing gum?
Me: Yep
Laura: (very alarmed and concerned) What if you swallow it?
Me: So?
Laura: Well won’t the baby choke on your gum?!?

~
Joshua: I’m looking for my pusuns… have you seen it?
~

The kids were watching Alice in Wonderland with Ryan. The Queen of Hearts came on screaming, “Off with her head!”

Laura turns to Ryan and says, “The Queen of Hearts reminds me of mom. She sounds exactly like mom.

~

We’re driving in Calgary and we see a sign that says, “Disneyland package: Adults $700, kids $70 includes air, hotel, transfers.

“Wow! That’s a great deal, we should go!” Ryan says totally surprising me.

“Really?!?” is all I can sputter, I’m so shocked.

“Yeah, we can go at the end of June when the kids are out of school. It will be lots of fun!”

“But I can’t fly in June, cuz I’m due in the middle of July remember?” I remind him.

“Oh right….” *sigh* he looks at me all annoyed, ” Well, way to go!” he retorts.

What an ass. I swear.

The hot shower relaxes and soothes my nerves. It’s refreshing and lulling to my senses. I’m comfortable and happy as I wrap myself in the fuzzy towels and walk out of the bathroom. Joshua bursts into my room looking sad.

“What’s the matter Josh?” I ask.

“I did something bad and I think you’re going to be mad at me!” he says in a panicked voice.

“What did you do?”

“I did something bad.”

“What?”

“Just come see.”

“No, just tell me cuz I still have to get dressed. What did you do?”

“It’s really, really bad and I’m going to get in trouble.”

“Joshy I’m losing my patience. What did you do? I can’t fix the problem if you don’t tell me what happened.”

“I put something in the plug in downstairs ” he sobs.

“WHAT!?! Are you ok? Show me where!”

I race downstairs in my towel. As I reach the main floor I can smell a little smoke.

Sure enough there are 2 huge paper clips sticking out of the socket. *SIGH*

“Josh did you get shocked? Did they sting your fingers?”

“No!” he wails.

“Joshua don’t stick things in the electrical socket you can start a fire or electrocute yourself! Buddy you can die from doing this! We love you and we’d be very sad if you died! Promise me you’ll never do this again!”

“I promise!” he wails.

I quickly touch the two paper clips to see if there is still power in the socket. Sparks and flames burst out of the socket. Yep, still power.

I frantically call Ryan to figure out what to do. He’s off having a massage again so I can’t get through. I race downstairs to the basement and turn off all the power in the house.

I pull out the paper clips then grab all the socket covers I can find and plug them into every open socket. Ryan didn’t replace them after he painted the house. That was the plug that I plug the vacuum into so I didn’t put a safety plug in there cuz I thought we had warned the kids enough times to stay away from them. I obviously thought wrong.

I swear we have little guardian angels watching over our kids. I was freaked out and very grateful that Josh didn’t get shocked badly….

I went upstairs to get dressed. I looked in the mirror and wouldn’t you know it… a white hair…. *sigh* It’s the stress.

January 19, 2006

Brandon is my sweet boy. He is shy and quiet. He is very observant and loves to laugh. If too much attention is paid to him he retreats and turns shy.

He is my biggest kid. For his weight he is in the 95% in the growth charts. He’s almost as heavy as Josh who is in the 5% in the growth charts. He takes after Ryan’s side of the family. He’s stocky. The kid is built like a brick. I can barely lift him. He’ll be my future football player. He can take down Laura and Josh in a wrestling match.

He loves his brothers and sisters. He loves to play tag with them. When Laura and Josh are away at school he constantly asks, “Where’s Wawa and Josh?”
“At school.”
“Oh.”
An hour later he’ll ask the same question. When they get home from school he runs to the door with a big smile on his face.
“Hi Josh! Hi Wawa!”

He loves his sister Mya. He plays peek-a-boo or tag with her. When she cries he says, “shhh, shhh.” If they are getting into trouble together or if he wants to take something away from her he’ll make sure he closes the door before he causes mischief. I think he figures I won’t see or hear the trouble he is getting into.

He loves to help empty the dishwasher or be “mommy’s helper.” He is starting to talk better and better.

I asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday. A chocolate cake, a rainbow cake, a chiffon cake, an angel food cake, etc… Laura and Josh instantly started telling him what cake he should choose. He thought about it for a good 5 minutes. Then very quietly with a big smile on his face he said, “an ice cream cake.”

So we went to Dairy Queen and I let him look through all the cakes. There were a variety of pictures on the cakes; sports, cars, trucks, Bob the Builder, Batman, Spiderman, Superman, etc. He finally chose the Superman one. He loves Superman and constantly wears his Superman pj’s with the cape around the house all day long. He was so proud and so happy that he got to pick out his own cake. It was so sweet.

For his birthday we had steak, baked potatoes and corn. Had ice cream cake and opened presents. He loved his choo choo train from Ikea, the bank machine, Jesus story book, a sled and a play dough set.

On Sunday, January 22 we had a party for him with our friends. Amazingly we were able to fit 14 adults and 17 kids in our house and around the tables. We had a huge spread of food, so yummy. We made beef ribs, pork ribs, rotisserie chicken, roasted mini potatoes, rice, corn, caesar salad, fruit salad, buns and jello. Brandon fell asleep during dinner. He was so exhausted by playing with all the kids.

While we waited for Brandon to wake up we started on the 4 course dessert. I gave the kids chocolate muffins with sprinkles, then everyone shared the mini cherry tarts and the mini chocolate tarts. Then we had an orange chocolate cheese cake. Once Brandon woke up we had the angle food cake with whipping cream, strawberries and peaches. Oh so yummy!

The guys all retired downstairs to watch the football game and the girls stayed upstairs to watch Brandon open his gifts. He got gobs of toys and clothes. It was lots of fun and the kids had a blast playing with all his new trucks, race track and toys.

I’d say the highlight of the evening was when I smashed my orange chocolate cheese cake into Jonathan’s face…. twice. The first time he put the cheesecake to his nose to smell it. I flipped his plate but it just skimmed his face and landed on his shirt… rats… never one let a prank die until it’s carried out to its full potential I waited until everyone calmed down from the first incident.

He came walking over to me saying, “Oh that was good, but you missed… I’ll get you back…” He was within arms distance away from me so I said, “Oh ya? Whatcha gonna do?” I walked toward him and I smashed my cheesecake in his face… “This?” I laughed. This time it was a bulls-eye. Cheese cake all over his face, up his nose and in his eyes. Ahhh…. nothing like a good cake in the face. He took it in good stride and laughed about it.

It was so funny. Everyone was shocked and freaked again cuz I was starting a lil’ food fight in my living room. I have hard wood so I really didn’t care. All my couches are leather so everything is easy wipe off. I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I’d have a food fight in my house at the drop of a hat. I’m not anal nor do I have stuff that can’t easily be cleaned.

Well, Jonathan started ranting about how he was going to get me back. I just smiled and said, “bring it on… but just for fair warning. You DON’T want to play with me. I have a very creative and sadistic mind. Whatever you do to me I’ll unleash something much worse on you. I’m the Queen of Pranks and you don’t want to mess with me.” He starts yakking and saying that I better watch out cuz he’s going to get me.

Guy jumps up and runs toward him. Guy and Jayna have known us for about 8 years now. In his thick French accent he says, “Listen to her! You DON’T want to mess with her! You know what she’ll do? She’ll hang you upside down, then slit your insides open and let your guts spill out. She’ll feed you to the wolves! She’s crazy! Just leave her alone. You don’t want to get into this kind of war with her! Trust me! I know!”

Janae and Dennise laughed their heads off and nodded. They also have known me the longest, going on 16 years now. “Believe him! You don’t want to get Joanne started!”

I just smiled my evil smile and looked at Jonathan. “Bring it on!” I hissed.

He looked scared. Guy, Jayna, Dennise and Janae kept yelling at him, “No! Don’t! She won’t stop until she’s won. You can’t top her! Just let her be.” I just laughed… how funny… *sigh* they know me so well.

Well, we had a blast hanging out, chatting and being with everyone. I love fun parties and ours are usually memorable ones.

Happy 3rd Birthday Brandon! Thanks for having a birthday, it gave us a great excuse to have a get together.

Jan. 17, 2006
Laura: Are you tired?
Brandon: No, I’m Brandon!

Jan. 18, 2006
I took Brandon and Mya with me to my midwife appointment. They were happily playing with all the toys. Joy, my midwife, turned the Doppler machine on to listen to the baby. The steady and quick heartbeat was found. Silence enveloped the room.

“Do you hear that Brandon?” Joy asked.

Brandon and Mya are both very still and quiet listening intently to the rapid heart beat of the baby.

bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump

“It’s a choo choo train,” Brandon concludes. Then goes back to playing with the toys.

“A choo choo train?” I asked laughing.

Brandon looks at me earnestly with his big brown eyes, “Yep, a choo choo train.”

Well, as usual my kids have given me a run for my money. I’ve been taking naps due to the gestation period I am going through, so the boys have been on running a muck while I’ve been sleeping…

OLE’

The boys decided to take the taco chips out of the pantry and dump them all over the living room carpet. They then proceeded to have a Taco stomping party. From upstairs I was awoken to squeals of laughter and the sound of stomping feet on newspaper? I go downstairs to find taco chips ground into the carpet. I handed one the garbage can and the other a bowl and they picked up all the taco chips. Then, after the majority of it was picked up I let them vacuum the carpet. It took them 1 1/2 hours to clean up the mess. They complained bitterly the entire time that I wasn’t helping them, but I just kept reminding them that I didn’t have the fun of stomping on the tacos.

Picasso, Picasso where art thou?

Ah, he resides in my little 15month old. Mya opened the art kit that Laura got for Christmas and promptly proceeded to repaint the walls and the foot-board on my bed with oil pastels, crayon, felt and wax crayon. You have to use ALL the mediums to create art work… right?

Snap, Crackle, Pop

The boys and Mya decided to try an experiment.
The Question: If we add milk to Rice Krispies that are dumped on the carpet, kitchen floor and table will they make the ‘Snap, crackle, pop’ sound?
Conclusion: Yes, they do…along with a gigantic mess.

Next experiment.
The Question: If we run and hide downstairs will the mess magically go away?
Conclusion: No. Mom will make us clean the mess.